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Heartbroken1 · Mar 31, 2011, 07:05 AM

My partner of 14 years has just admitted to cheating with another girl but only over the phone. I still find this cheating as he has admitted what he has done was wrong. He says that hens now confused and wants to move out for a while to see if he still wants to be together. I told him that I never wanted to see him again which is extremely hard as everything is jointly held, i.e. accounts etc but thankfully no kids! Have I done the correct thing as I feel that it is only a matter of time before he takes this a step further even though he says that the girl lives in another state and he has no intention of seeing her.

DoulaLC · Mar 31, 2011, 07:18 AM

Give him the space he needs. Sometimes it can be easier to think things through when you have some time on your own... that goes for both of you.

You will have to decide whether your words were spoken only in hurt and anger or if you really meant them. If you love him, and would like to work at rebuilding the trust, then you need to let him know that so he can consider that as well.

It is very painful, I know, but you can work passed it if you both are willing to do what it takes.

If he decides to move on, it wasn't because you gave him the time to think about it, he would have at some point anyway. You may also find that you might decide to continue being separate and end the relationship. Surround yourself with family and friends while you go through this. I wish you well in whatever you decide.

Heartbroken1 · Mar 31, 2011, 07:28 AM

Thank you. I am also stressed over the financial side as I support my invalid mother as well and have also just found out I need to have two hip replacements and yet he still did this. I have never been through anything like this and am confused on what to do and what my obligations are. He also did this when he is interstate for three months so everything has only been said to each other over the phone. He wants everything to continue the way it is until he gets back but I just cannot do that as I feel so betrayed.

DoulaLC · Mar 31, 2011, 07:55 AM

You have every right to feel betrayed. You have much on your plate at the moment. Hopefully you have friends and family you can lean on. Take your time deciding what you want to do about the relationship. I know it will be very, very difficult, but try to focus on taking care of yourself right now.

Let him know that you will need to process what happened, that you may need to ask him questions, have him just listen to you vent, whatever it takes. The onus is on him to take it and rebuild your trust in him. It may have been a stupid idea that went too far, or he may have felt there was something he was not getting in the relationship, only he knows.

When he returns, the two of you can discuss what to do next at that point. Some couples can work things out, with much time and effort, others find the help of counseling is needed.

talaniman · Mar 31, 2011, 11:51 AM

When will he be back?

You have much to think about, and sometimes its better to let some dust settle before you take action on what has developed.

Sorry to hear this, as it seems like such a bad time with everything else going on, but no time is a good time to go through a break up.