Hi, My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and half now. We recently moved from Arizona to Rhode Island since this is where he is from. He asked me to move with him so I packed up myself and my children and came with him. We have talked about marriage, children, everything. About 3 months ago he started working, and his hours are long. He's also a volunteer fire fighter, so he's gone to drill and meetings a few times a week as well. We started seeing less of each other and it was taking a toll on me, especially after I lost my job. The house we live in is a disaster and the landlords never fix anything. Between all of this we started fighting. We never fought before. But we always appologized and made up and never went to bed angry. About 1 month ago he said he needed to leave this place. It felt like it was sucking the life right out of him and then 1 week later he moved out. I watched him pack his bags. He told me it was just temporary, and that he had to get things sorted about because he has been so stressed about everything he is afraid he will do or say something he would regret and he loves me too much to put me through that. So it's been three weeks. We still see each other and talk to each other. But now his ex wife is sending us both threatening and harassing messages and texts saying that if he will not see his daughter for the summer unless he ceases all contact with me. On top of that he has a female friend who seems to be in love with him and is trying to sabbotage our relationship by telling all of our friends that she is his boyfriend. He swears to me nothing is going on. That he loves me, doesn't want to lose me and just needs to get his life straightened out and needs to play it cool for now so he can get his daughter. I love him very much, feel he is my soulmate. And he's great with my kids. I'm trying to give him the time and space he needs and be understanding to the issue with the ex (though I wish he would stand up to her). He just keeps telling me to ignore everything, and it will be back to normal soon enough, but I don't know how much time and space to really give him. I've asked him if he still wants me in his life and he said yes, but I told him I can't wait forever. I need to live my life with someone who loves me and wants to be with me. After this he tells me just to please not give up on him. I'm so confused about the whole situation but trying to be an adult and do what's right. Problem is I don't really know what is right anymore? Can someone Please help?

He doesn't sound like your soulmate. He moved you all the way across the country and then took on extra gigs (volunteer firefighting) and now there's all this drama with other people.

There should be some responsibility toward someone with children who has uprooted her entire life (and her children's) to be with him. He is unable to man up and realize he asked you for a commitment to him when he asked you to come such a long way for him and he is breaking his commitment to you.

If you're not from there I'd try to go back to where your family and friends are and leave this guy alone. He sounds immature and irresponsible and self-centered.

You can get past this.

Did you save all the messages and texts from the x wife etc? I doubt that she can keep his daughter from him, legally on the basis that she doesn't like the fact that he is with someone new (you, that is).

And I agree with susangpyp: he did ask you to commit and even move a cross the country to be with him... he needs to own up to that...

as for all the drama in his life... is it worth it to you? You say you feel like he is your soulmate... but is he really?

Have you guys talked about you in all this?

Does he have an actual plan for what he is going to do? What is his main issue in all this? His daughter? If he has kept up his end of whatever agreement he made with his x wife when they divorced, then he has rights.

Could you suggest that the two of you should solve this together? Seeing as you and your children went all this way with him...

We have talked in full about this. And we've saved every message from her. When he picks her up in Virginia he plans to go to the court to where everything was done and file for emergency custody of her because her mother is not stable and is into drugs.

As for talking about us, we've talked about that too. We talk everyday and see each other a few times a week. He tells me he's trying to stop all the harassing messages and calls to me and really wants to work this out. He knows I made such a big move coming here and he says for that he is sorry. Everything about our relationship has been great. Everything down to our sex life. He tells me this and he tells me he still wants me to be apart of his life and he doesn't want to lose me. I am the type of person who tries to give people the benefit of the doubt. But he also knows that I'm not going to wait around forever. And I've been excepted into his family and they told me they'll always be here for me no matter what. I truly feel deep in my heart, that the right thing to do is give him the time and space he needs, but help him at the same time, without trying to push him farther away.

This other woman on the other hand, I know to be crazy and really would like to not have to confront her because I have no idea what she is capable of. She has not "harrassed" me in any way, just spreading rumors so I really don't have a leg to stand on if I try to go to the police.

What does your gut tell you?

And what do you want to do about this situation?

Tells me to keep trying. Not to give up on love because I could lose something great. But to not let it keep me from living me life and move on if he can't figure everything out soon.

You need to decide for yourself. If anyone dragged me across the country to where he was from and then left me hanging so he could have time and figure it out, the "greatness" ship would have sailed. This is terrible treatment and if he's capable of it now (and to CONVINCE you to hang on), he'll do it again.

He either wants you or he doesn't. All this wishywashyness is nonsense. Grow up, man up and do the right thing or let you go.