Heads up - I'm a senior in High School, so I know things get better and this won't affect me in the long run, but I need some help right now!


All right bear with me, this is a long question and I ask it mainly because I am very inexperienced with dating and men (this is a question about my first boyfriend ever, actually): should I break up with him?

The background story is this; we've been best friends for a few years, and he's liked me pretty much the whole time (the whole friend-zone thing right?) well at the same time I've liked him too, and so finally, 4 years later, over the summer he and I got together. Our relationship was really good at first, and it was very encouraging for me (because I was semi-afraid of dating someone - hence the inexperience)... He's very much a dreamer, definitely a dork, and is really obsessed with far-out-there scenarios and movie-scenes! Naturally, I thought this would aid him in being more affectionate, but I was definitely wrong. I can almost confidently say never have I received a gift or even a compliment so far that we've been together, and he constantly claims "Babe, we've been best friends for years your know I think you're pretty". And I just really wanted that feeling of being special and having him be proud of me, but I don't... These were problems we were working out in our relationship calmly up until October...

This October has been insanely difficult for me... In the early days of the month, I had a complete tear of my left ACL while playing football. (Awful news for me - captain of the volleyball team and starting pitcher/captain of the softball team) And yet, no card? Nothing from him? It was even homecoming night that weekend and I couldn't accompany him to the dance, and he didn't stop by or send me a text the whole night; plus the only way I found out he was at the dance was over a friend's Snapchat Story?

2 weeks later I'm preparing to go into surgery (happened this past Wednesday) at 6AM and I'm super nervous... I'm feeling slightly better about him and I because he had stopped by once or twice... but he had sat down, watched TV shows, then left... No card, no flowers, no care really (which I understood because it's similar to how non-affectionate he was during the normal parts of the relationship)! Anyway, post surgery: nothing, no care, no cards, no visits, nothing...

Worst of all, almost two days ago now, I fell trying to get into the shower post ACL surgery because I have having a bad reaction to the heavy drugs - luckily, family friends were helping me shower in my underwear - so they were holding me in a chair while I was unconscious, not breathing, and going into seizure... However, they couldn't put me down because my leg wasn't in the brace - so the knee was exposed with only some waterproof coverage on it... Paramedics came, rushed me to the ER, got me stable, held me overnight, I let everyone know friends and family about the whole situation, then voilà the next morning...

No visitors...

I just found out he had been out playing paintball with some buddies and then had gone with out entire friend group to Valley Scare for the afternoon and night...

No one came to visit even though I had almost lost my life the other day... He didn't even text me to ask me how I was feeling the next day... (And now he claims it was because I didn't clarify how bad the situation was but after forwarding my texts I had sent him back to him, I proved that theory wrong)...

I'm really lost, hurt, and confused on what to do... I do really like him, and he makes me really happy; but is he taking advantage of me letting him have second chances? Should I break up with him?

He makes you happy? HOW? He sounds like an insensitive jerk.

It really sounds to me like he isn't ready for a relationship and he isn't putting as much effort into this as you want, so why bother? It's not even that he isn't putting as much effort into it as you want, it's that he doesn't even seem to have any common decency. A close friend would give you more attention than he is giving you when you need something. Not even a call or a text to see how you're doing after surgery....and he makes you happy? Are you sure? It doesn't sound like the actions of anyone that would make me happy.

I think you are caught up in him because you were friends and now he is your boyfriend. You are not sounding to me like you are actually happy, it's just that he's your first so you think it is special...but it's not in this case.
I really think you can do so much better. Don't settle.

You should break up with him. Friends to romantic partners can be the best thing ever, that's how my wife and I got together, or it can just turn sides ways and quickly. I think the latter has happened here. I believe that he never really shook the friends vibe when you too went romantic. I think He was thinking more that the friend ship would continue but you would get "Romantic" priviliages. So he didn't mature the relationship like you did. Which is half the reason that that things seem so bad right now.

Half I say? Where is the other half? You. Maybe not a half but both of you are new to being in relationships. You made a few assumptions and while they don't contribute to all of the woes it does explain a lot of them. First off, you're not psychic and neither is he. Don't assume that he's going to pick up on anything and magically do what you were expecting him to do without communicating with him. Second communicate with him. It doesn't really sound like you're communicating with him and he's not doing it with him. Did you talk to him about what happened and how it made YOU feel? Not berating him of course. How about the situation before? What about your expectations?

He hasn't clued into the idea that he's got someone else to worry about. He's stuck in the world where he is king and he gets to do whatever he wants. Honestly it takes a while for most people to get out of that thought pattern. Some people never get out of that thought pattern. Dating and romantic relationships are completely about finding a person, there is no true love and no just one person for another, that works with you and fits how you want to live you life. It is basically a job interview with the worst interview process ever. He's failed a few of the key points. That's fine. A lot of friendships don't work out as romantic relationships.

What needs to happen here is that you need to break things off. You also have to look at the relationship with a critical eye and see where HE went wrong and more importantly where YOU went wrong. Sure it is all fine for you to sit there and go, "He was an emotionless prick" but if you learn nothing from it then it is all wasted. Life is a learning process and if you don't learn with things go side ways then the lesson is lost on you. Don't get me wrong there are people who you'll figure out are just no good from the start but you'll learn how to weed those out in the first round of interviews.

Good luck.

You have to options, personally I am not that affectionate myself, however I do at least TRY. One is to accept the way he is and be okay with him being less affectionate or teach him how to improve in those areas of his life with hopes that this relationship fixes itself or prolong the break up. Or, you can end things now, speak clearly as to why the break up is happening and try to salvage the relationship, this would be the one I would suggest, especially if you value his friendship.

You sound like better friends than romantic partners and a title cannot make someone into something that they are not. Nice try but this experiment doesn't seem to be working. Most young relationships don't last that long anyway. Why should yours be any different?