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    imhurtingsomuch's Avatar
    imhurtingsomuch Posts: 27, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Jun 10, 2009, 12:39 PM
    Is he messing with my head again - I'm feeling suicidal
    Hi AMHD Members

    I was hoping for some help, I was seeing a guy for 2 months last yr and all of a sudden he wanted to end it because he couldn't give me 100% which I accepted and moved on. The thing is he keeps coming in and out of my life every 3 months. This is killing me as he knows I love him so much. We got back together in November last yr and then I found out that he was seeing another woman behind my back so I ended it.

    He just keeps appearing and disappearing from my life, his friends have told me to be careful as he tells lies all the time, I've since discovered loads of lies he has told me. He tells me that he always thinks of me and whom I'm with, its like he don't want me really be don't want anyone else on the scene??

    I found out last week that whilst he was asking me to get back together with him that he slept with another girl, when I found out he said that it was a drunken mistake and that it meant nothing.

    Im just so hurt and confused, he tells me he loves me then goes and sleeps with another woman, I'm so suicidal over this guy
    kctiger's Avatar
    kctiger Posts: 3,653, Reputation: 1319
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    #2

    Jun 10, 2009, 12:45 PM

    You really need to seek the help of a professional if you feel as though you may kill yourself.

    Also, cut this guy out of your life NOW. No more contact, no more talking about him, no NOTHING! He is dead to you, so make it happen.

    A loser is a loser, period, so let the loser go, and get help for yourself.
    imhurtingsomuch's Avatar
    imhurtingsomuch Posts: 27, Reputation: 2
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    #3

    Jun 10, 2009, 12:47 PM

    He just comes into my life every so often and its killing me, I'm trying so hard to let him go but its so hard. How do you stop loving someone??
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,292, Reputation: 2029
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    #4

    Jun 10, 2009, 12:49 PM

    How? IGNORE HIM

    You really need to stop talking to him. If he contacts you, don't pick up. If you didn't know he was calling, as soon as you recognize it's him, tell him you're busy and hang up.

    You really need to stop getting updates about his life. It just prolongs your pain and suffering.

    Block him entirely out of your life until you stop having feelings for him.

    Drastic problems call for drastic mesures.
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
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    #5

    Jun 10, 2009, 12:55 PM

    He only keeps coming back into your life because your allowing him to so you need to stop it. You're the cause for your own misery and this emotional rollercoaster ride. So the question is "when will you learn?"

    Also, nobody is worth killing yourself over and whenever these thoughts enter your mind call 1-800-273-talk(national suicide number)
    spitvenom's Avatar
    spitvenom Posts: 1,266, Reputation: 373
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    #6

    Jun 10, 2009, 12:56 PM

    No one just appears in peoples lives, you let them appear. Simply ( I know it is not simple) stop answering his calls, stop reading emails, texts, IM's, if he comes to your door don't answer. And I agree with KC you need to get some help after only being with him for 2 months you are suicidal that says a lot.
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,292, Reputation: 2029
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    #7

    Jun 10, 2009, 12:59 PM

    Maybe tough love isn't the way to go for you. But you really need to stop allowing him back into your life. It's just causing you unnecessary miseray. If he really did lie so many times, then you shouldn't be able to trust him anymore.

    I don't think it's him that you love. It's an imagine of him that doesn't really exisit. Realize his flaws and you will see that he's not the perfect guy that you feel that he his.
    imhurtingsomuch's Avatar
    imhurtingsomuch Posts: 27, Reputation: 2
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    #8

    Jun 10, 2009, 12:59 PM

    I know that you are all right, I try sooo hard to ignore me, I feel like he has this hold over me and that makes me try even harder to ignore him.

    I know that he makes me a bad person as when I was around him I became a different person that I didn't like.

    He thinks he can show up and I come running, I know that klling myself is not the answer, I know no man is worth that
    imhurtingsomuch's Avatar
    imhurtingsomuch Posts: 27, Reputation: 2
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    #9

    Jun 10, 2009, 01:02 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by I wish View Post
    Maybe tough love isn't the way to go for you. But you really need to stop allowing him back into your life. It's just causing you unnecessary miseray. If he really did lie so many times, then you shouldn't be able to trust him anymore.

    I don't think it's him that you love. It's an imagine of him that doesn't really exisit. Realize his flaws and you will see that he's not the perfect guy that you feel that he his.
    You are so right, we were only together for 2 months but we have been friends for over 2 yrs now. The silly thing is that I know I can't trust him so I know that there can never be a relationship in the future.

    I think the thing that screws with my head is that I'm intelligent enough to know that he is bad news and there can never be anything between us ever again as the trust has gone, but I still love him and would love to know how you just turn off your feelings??
    kctiger's Avatar
    kctiger Posts: 3,653, Reputation: 1319
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    #10

    Jun 10, 2009, 01:04 PM

    You turn off your feelings by getting him out of your life for good. You can't just get over someone while continuing to talk to them and see them. It takes self control and will power. Fact of the matter is, you need to change your attituded about this. Instead of saying "he can" say "I can." Better yet... say "I will!"
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
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    #11

    Jun 10, 2009, 01:07 PM

    You already know what type of person he is and the hold he has over you so your best bet is to stay away from him. It's not as hard as your making it out to be.

    For some reason your addicted to him and addictions are hard to break but you can overcome it with a lot of willpower.
    imhurtingsomuch's Avatar
    imhurtingsomuch Posts: 27, Reputation: 2
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    #12

    Jun 10, 2009, 01:11 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by kctiger View Post
    You turn off your feelings by getting him out of your life for good. You can't just get over someone while continuing to talk to them and see them. It takes self control and will power. Fact of the matter is, you need to change your attituded about this. Instead of saying "he can" say "I can." Better yet...say "I will!"
    I'm really doing my best to fight this, the thought of him and this girl kills me inside, when it enters my head I try and switch off and think of something else.

    It killed me inside when I found out that he was in a relationship with girl when he told me that they were just mates and "just there for each other at a difficult time", I mean how do you forgive someone for that type of behaviour.
    imhurtingsomuch's Avatar
    imhurtingsomuch Posts: 27, Reputation: 2
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    #13

    Jun 10, 2009, 01:14 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by liz28 View Post
    You already know what type of person he is and the hold he has over you so your best bet is to stay away from him. It's not as hard as your making it out to be.

    For some reason your addicted to him and addictions are hard to break but you can overcome it with alot of willpower.
    liz28 you are right, it seems that I'm addicted to him and the lovely things he does say to me (occassionally), I do realise that he is a bad influence and I suppose that's a start. When he realises that I'm seeing someone else he is back on the scene again saying that he loves me. Im going to have to try harder to block him out of my life. I do not want to be a wash over for any man
    imhurtingsomuch's Avatar
    imhurtingsomuch Posts: 27, Reputation: 2
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    #14

    Jun 10, 2009, 01:18 PM

    He regulary phones me up and puts the phone down on me when things are not going his way, he rang me the other night when I found out about him sleeping with this woman and I said that we should meet, he said lets meet in a pub and I responded by saying why don't I come round to yours (he still lives at home aged 30!! ), he said no we must meet at the pub and when I said il come to yours he put the phone down. It made me think that his parents know about his girlfriend and so it would be awkward me being there. I just had a really bad gut feeling. He also often ignores me texts for days at a time as well??
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
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    #15

    Jun 10, 2009, 01:34 PM

    All of that is in the past now but you can work on changing the present and the future.

    No more worrying about who is he screwing, whether if he has a girlfriend or not, no more taking his texts, or meeting up with him. Time to focus on you!
    imhurtingsomuch's Avatar
    imhurtingsomuch Posts: 27, Reputation: 2
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    #16

    Jun 10, 2009, 01:40 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by liz28 View Post
    All of that is in the past now but you can work on changing the present and the future.

    No more worrying about who is he screwing, whether or not if he has a girlfriend or not, no more taking his texts, or meeting up with him. Time to focus on you!
    How do you turn off your feelings just like that?? Any tips?? Is it just a case of bloody good will power?? I know we can never have a future but it still hurts like hell
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,292, Reputation: 2029
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    #17

    Jun 10, 2009, 01:47 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by imhurtingsomuch View Post
    how do you turn off your feelings just like that ???? any tips ??? is it just a case of bloody good will power ??? i know we can never have a future but it still hurts like hell
    There is no light switch or a magic potion. You just got to stop talking to the person. Distance yourself, pretend they don't exist. No contact is the best way to help you get over the person. Time and patience are the key.

    You should also go out and meet new people and hang around friends as much as possible.
    imhurtingsomuch's Avatar
    imhurtingsomuch Posts: 27, Reputation: 2
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    #18

    Jun 10, 2009, 01:55 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by I wish View Post
    There is no light switch or a magic potion. You just gotta stop talking to the person. Distance yourself, pretend they don't exist. No contact is the best way to help you get over the person. Time and patience are the key.

    You should also go out and meet new people and hang around friends as much as possible.
    I did go no contact and then he kept texting me and saying he loved me, I really don't want to have to change my number because of him. He knows that I really love him and am feeling rather weak at the moment, its like he prays on my vunrability!! I'm trying so hard, I just get to where I'm feeling OK and then il get a text from him... he makes me so mad
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,292, Reputation: 2029
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    #19

    Jun 10, 2009, 02:12 PM

    Well if you don't want to change your number, then you're just going to have to accept his texts. If you want to take a more drastic measure, then when you see that you get a text from him, don't open it. Have your sister/brother/friend/parents/grandma/cousin/grandpa/aunt/uncle/neighbor/(anyone else I left off the list), open the text for you and help you delete it right away.
    winding200's Avatar
    winding200 Posts: 167, Reputation: 40
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    #20

    Jun 10, 2009, 02:32 PM

    If you can manage, you should start to date someone else whom you can trust. It is good to be around a sincere person, and it will help you to move on. (Please do not use the person though. It has to be a real relationship.) When you are lonely, you can be weak for the temptation. Tell him you are seeing someone else, you are happy, and you should not be bothered. Period.

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