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    He masturbates to porn but has stopped having sex with me.

    Asked Nov 28, 2013, 04:29 AM 2 Answers
    Sorry if this is long its my first time.

    My partner and I have been together 2 years now. We live together and have a child together and are really happy and loved up, apart from the fact we have no sex life. It started when we moved in together. He just lost interest in having sex with me and when we did he could never finish, but yet when I went on the laptop the history was full off porn. I've also caught him masturbating in the shower!

    Before we moved in together he sometimes would tell me he's going to go down stairs and watch porn, I would get upset. I found it offensive how he was so open about it. He would just get really angry. I would be so upset and it wouldn't matter to him. He has to go and watch porn like it controlled him. Why wouldn't he just wait till I was asleep?

    I became OK with the porn, its normal for men to watch porn, most men do it. It was only when he stopped wanting sex that it became a problem again, as he was choosing that over me. We argued about it until I finally got him to admit he had a problem. He openly spoke how he's addicted to porn, and maybe sex. He said how much he loves me and the problem that he has with porn and sex is that he can't get intimate with me, In other words he can't make love to me because he sees sex differently to me. I told him it doesn't need to be love making it can be just sex. I'm a woman I want sex too!

    So after lots of arguing he finally came to the conclusion that he would get help. He would give it a couple of months till March to see if it was just a phase and things would get better on there own, and if things were not better he could go and see a doctor. Since he made this decision he has made no effort to try and fix it going on as much porn as ever, like true addict style. He' doing it as much as he can until March!

    I don't know what to do anymore. If I say I'm leaving he gets really upset, and I would be heartbroken without him, but yet the whole situation is making me ill. I think my worst fear is that if I left him he would go and sleep with someone else to try and get over it, making his problem even worse. I have my child to think of so its not as easy as just cutting him out our lives. I really need help and advise please.

    Last edited by talaniman; Nov 28, 2013 at 11:10 AM.
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    2 Answers
    pwooden's Avatar
    pwooden Posts: 29, Reputation: 6
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    #2

    Nov 28, 2013, 09:13 AM
    Your partner has a porn addiction, and like all addictions he needs outside help to overcome it. Click on the link below for several helpful websites. I suggest that both you and your partner search the websites together. It sounds like he wants to change but isn't sure how to do it. Good luck!

    pron addiction help - Bing
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 51,660, Reputation: 10726
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    #3

    Nov 28, 2013, 11:00 AM
    How old is your child, and how long have you been living together? How long have you known each other? Do you both work? Where does your child sleep? Have there been other changes or challenges at his job, or family finances? Worries of another pregnancy maybe? Or a reaction to life changing events? Do you masturbate yourself? Hard to know without a few more facts.

    Addiction, and lack of sex may be just symptoms of a greater stress in his life given his openness to announce his intentions to masturbate and watch porn. That in itself is both unusual, and not the norm. No addiction can be helped without the root cause identified and dealt with properly.
    Helpful

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