He likes me but doesn't want to committ - is it worth hanging around?
Asked Oct 19, 2009, 08:22 AM
I'm very confused – as I have met this awesome guy almost a year ago lets call him Calvin. I meet his group of friends first and started hanging out with them and having a good time partying with them. I then met Calvin and didn’t really think anything of it until we started chatting randomly and I noticed that there was something about him that I was attracted to.. so my friends and I started spending a lot of time with this group of guys. They have all the time in world for us always including us in their plans and enjoy our company!
So one night I got a little brave and started flirt with Calvin and he just wasn’t making a move – so I asked him “are you just shy or are you just not interested” he told me that he really thinks I’m an amazing attractive girl and would give anything to take me home and just spend the night with me but doesn’t want to lead me on and girls are his last priority. I accepted that and left it. I also later found out that his ex stuffed him over big time causing him to be “anti girls”…
After that conversation it wasn’t awkward at all (thank goodness) we continued hanging out a lot more – Then things got a bit strange he started flirting with me and every time he would get up to go somewhere he would grab my leg or rub my back, could not stop starring at me etc. Again I didn’t think anything of it! I'm the type of girl that does not throw myself at guys and that’s one thing he respects of me – I more of a mysterious type of girl that flirts in very different ways
So on night we all went out and there was lots of flirting nothing serious and at the end of the evening some of us girls stayed over at one of the guys houses- was all innocent just needed a place to stay. Calvin and I were both there – him and I started playing cards and he said we should make a bet who ever loses must kiss the other and by hen we had both had a bit too much to drink so was all fun and games and we agreed. Anyway I lost and we went to the room we were staying in (was just him and I) when we got cozy and I was about to finish my part of the deal he said that if we get together things will change between us and become awkward. I said to him will only be awkward if you make it awkward! So we ended up hooking up! After that we hooked up maybe 5 other times but was always In private (in a room). Eventually I confronted him about and asked him what's going on between us from no he doesn’t want to lead me to hooking up almost every weekend. He said that he has feelings for but can’t give me what I want etc he told me he respects me and first wants to find his head before he commits (he’s a type of guy that cares very much what he’s mates think and at the moment he’s friends are always telling him how girls only hurt guys and mess guys up emotional etc – obviously the friends haven’t found decent girls so it easy to stereo type all girls – so now they have brain washed him and he seems to think the same!) he also said that he likes his freedom and I told him that I don’t want to force anything on him!
We left the conversation having an understanding that we just friends – while after that we hooked up another like 3times!! It just doesn’t make sense – I know he likes me and he knows I like him! I really want to give him a chance at a relationship cos I know it could work and be GREAT!! All his friends refer me to Calvins girl so everyone knows to!
I have now drawn the line and not hooked up with him for a while and stopped sharing a bed with him etc cos I don’t want him getting to comfortable and think he can have me when he wants preventing him from committing!
I’m just so confused cos what do I have to do to make him realize I'm not like his ex and that if just gave it a chance it could work – talking isn’t going to work cos every time we talk we do the exact opposite….. He has told me on numerous occasions that I smell good, look good and I make him nervous! I don’t want to force anything – but the only reason I'm sticking around is cos I know there is something there and I feel if I hang in there for a little longer he will eventually just come to the party and confess his feelings properly and ready to commit – but at the same time I might be wasting my time!!
Please help me – what do I have to do?? But at the same time I don’t want to scare him away … even if we don't end up together the thing is we both very mature and will still remain friends and won't make things awkward...