We dated for 6 almost 7 months and we were very happily in love.

We broke up and got back together 3 times.. which on my part, I see now, was my mistake for taking him back 3 times.
You do break up for a reason after all.. but you know how it is..
Break-ups are very hard, especially when you love someone.

Anyway.. during a period, I found out from a friend he had been lying to me about MANY things.. I talked to him, and he confessed everything was true.
So I told him that I couldn't even be his friend knowing he lied to me about these things.. he appologized, but I persisted that I could never trust him again, so he took the hint and never asked to be friends again.
And just for your knowledge as the reader.. these lies were justified for me not wanting him to be in my life again.. trust me.

After months of him not being in my life..
I realized I missed his friendship.
I know I shouldn't be because I was the one who cut him off, even though he screwed me over... but I wanted to at least smooth things over with him.
I hate having tension between me and someone else.

So I emailed him saying.. despite what I told you.. I want things to go smoother between us and perhaps maybe become friends again.. and only friends.. I don't want a relationship if that's what you're thinking (he has a girlfriend at this time).. so don't feel awkward.
I just want to smooth things out between us and not have this tension.

He writes back with a one word answer. "okay."
What the hell does that tell me? It doesn't give me anything.

Every time were on AIM together, he never ever messages me, nor do I him because I feel as if he doesn't want to even talk to me.
But one night I did.. yet he still gave me one word answers.
So I got the hint and just stopped talking to him for good.
Until one night he messages me on AIM telling me how beautiful I looked in my new picture..
What am I suppost to think?
He's giving me so many mixed signals I don't know what to do!
I mean, he can't act like he hates me, then the next day tell me how beautiful I am..

I know it may have been wrong of me to try and re-kindle a friendship that I broke, but as I said, I just needed closure and I thought us being friends would get him off my mind.
I even have a boyfriend currently right now, that I care for greatly, but I still think about my ex.. even though he lied and dis-trusted me often... I can't stop taking a strole down memory lane with him at my side.

So I'm asking.. what the hell should I do?
Should I talk to him and tell him how I feel, knowing he would think I'm a complete idiot?
I'd be wasting my time talking to him.. but I'd like to talk to him and settle things that never got settled between the two of us.
I just want to know his take on this.. but have no clue how to go about it without making a fool of myself.
What can I do to take him off my mind? It's driving me insane!

Thank you for your time :)

In my opinion, you are wanting to hang onto something in a way that won't be the way that you want it to be. You already have closure. You broke off the relationship, and for good reasons. You have a boyfriend, he has a girlfriend. You loved him, and still do. Well, it doesn't mean that you can't love someone else and still love someone with whom you have broken up with. I am still love some of my past girlfriends, but for good reasons, things didn't work out. It was time to move on.

It is time for you to move on.

I think that you should stop doing messaging or emailing of any kind with him. Too much can be hidden by communicating in those ways. Why are you wanting to drag yourself over the coals anyway? You are involved in another relationship, concentrate on that. Communicate with the person with whom you are in relationship with as to your needs or wants that you have that you miss having fulfilled. Don't voice making comparisons between the old person with whom you had a relationship with and the new one. Just simply state the things that you would like to have out of the relationship and also ask what he wants too. In time, you will forget about the old boyfriend as being someone who you could talk with and share things with. It will just take time as well as effort on your part to build the new relationship.

Your old boyfriend may not want to be just friends if you stir the pot. You already broke things off. Move on. Take the chances that you have and use your energy on building the new relationship. Don't feel a bit of regret or guilt. You did make a good choice in breaking off the relationship. Accept the fact that you did that for good reasons. You really already do have closure, it's just that you would like to make closure something perfect. It never is. Please just move on.with your life and concentrate on the things that are healthy for you and make you and others sound as well as prepared for the future.

I don't see how there could be any tension between the two of you, unless you work together or are in situations where you will run into each other frequently. Just drop it. In time things will heal. Make the choice to just move on. You will grow as will he. I also don't think that your new boyfriend would appreciate the fact that you are having thoughts and communication with the old boyfriend. Make the best with what you have now. Close one book and start another. Some books have endings that are like epilogues, they go unfinished. And, that is okay. Life goes on...

That is my take on the situation. Hopefully, others will add their opinions also.

Thank you so much for your time..
And I agree with everything you said.
I have moved on in a since.. it's just still this lingering feeling of still wanting him as a friend in my life.
And it's not like I can go on with life and never hear about him again.. that would make matters SO much easier.. but I can't because he's good friends with some of my best friends.. therefore, I'm constantly hearing stories about him with them, etc.
If it were that easy to shut him out.. I would have a longg time ago.
I don't want him as a boyfriend ever again.. seeing as he wasn't a good one..
But for some unknown reason, I still want him in my life..
Although when I say that.. I tell myself that there is no reason to have him in your life.. because if so.. I would eventually gain feelings for him again.
SO there's no point..
But as I said.. for some reason I can't seem to fathom why I want him in my life.
It's almost like a game.. like.. I want him to think about me like I think about him.
I want him to know how much he hurt me with all his lies..
SO that just sits in my head.. while he's off having his great life.

But you're right.. I just need to let time heal all of this and drop it.. and let everything go..
It's easier said than done.. but.. It will eventually.

Ah, I can see that you are entangled here because of the friendships that you mutually have. That does put an extra burden on you to be able to forget about him and move on. I can see where it would make it really hard for you to do that.

You are still thinking about him. As hard as it is, you need to let go of that and move on. Time will make a difference, as you already realize.

I would suggest immersing yourself in the affairs of your present boyfriend without becoming a burden on him. Become involved in the activities of his friends also.

Don't actively seek to lose the friends that you have, but just broaden out the friendship base that you already have. Seek out new friends and activities that have nothing to do with the friends that you have now.

I know that this is a tough one, but you can do it. I know that you can.

Sounds like you still have some feelings and unresolved issues. If you'r still friends with him on messenger ahd still have share the same friends then you guys are still connected and I wouldn't worry about stressing the friend thing too much. It will play out one way or another.

I don't think its fair to be in a relationship and still obsessing over this ex, under the guise of being friends. Whatever your feelings you need to let the past go, and deal with what you have now.

Thank you all for taking the time out to read and answer my question..
I'll take all of your answers seriously..
But the thing is.. and everyone is telling me.. "let go of the past and move on."
That's what I've been trying to do for 4 months now since this has happened.
I'ts just not fading as I expected it to..
This type of thing with me usually does fade.. especially after 4 months.
But with him, it hasn't.
I don't know what it is that's making me feel like this.
Sometimes I think.. maybe I do still feel for him?
Then I think of it more and get disgusted by some of the things he did to me and would NEVER take him back.
So it's obsurd for me to be having these feelings.
Like I stated previously..
I just want him to know what he did to me and how he just left me on the spot.. because he obviously has no idea.
For some reason, I feel like he should know how he hurt me.

Oh and just for the people that mentioned it.. these unfortunate feelings aren't interupting me and my boyfriends relationship right now at all.
He knows what my ex did to me, and how I feel about everything.. So I'm not hiding anything from him.

I think the best thing for you to do... to heal your own heart and be happy... is to let him go (from your mind) and concentrate totally on your new boyfriend... for this hanging on could eventually ruin the good thing you have going for you in front of your eyes.
The other one is playing mind and heart games with you... don't let him be in control... YOU be in control and move on to just concentrating on your new guy and put your guard up to let the old one know you are no longer the weak hearted gal that you were when u took him back 3 time. You have gained strength and moved on.. Be Strong and focus on your new man. If you are totally in love with your new guy... you shoud be able to let the other one go. Find things that keep your mind busy to keep you from reminissing on the past...
Good luck... take care

This thread is from 2007.
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