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starwishing · Jun 8, 2008, 10:50 PM

I thought if a person missed a right person, it was the loss of him. But maybe it is the loss of them both. As a woman, I won't go back to a guy if he missed me because I must have been hurt. But will a guy go back to chase the love missing, if in the past he missed a person who truly loved him?
And I was ignored by a person I loved. But now I am pursued by a good guy. I don't know whether I could transfer my emotion to him who likes me more from the person I liked more. I still miss the last person, a little bit. But now this guy is sincere to me. I know my heart is open to both of them...
Sigh

Scleros · Jun 9, 2008, 05:01 AM

I think you're searching for a formula or generality where none exist. Better to focus on the present than what should've, would've, could've been if only...

Live today as if they aren't coming back. If they do, great, you'll then have options on your own terms. Doing otherwise is sacrificing both the now and the future for the return of one's past.

Originally Posted by starwishing

guys will go back. right?... will a guy go back to chase the love missing, if in the past he missed a person who truly loved him?

Perhaps, but what does that say about him and you?

If he ended it, he's not strong enough to live his decision and comes crawling back when he gets lonely or has no other options. That states you're not good enough for him long term, but tolerable until he can do better. If you ended it, the same can be stated in reverse.

If you both claim "it was all a mistake", either meet each other half way, or accept the pain of growth and focus it into effort in your present and future endeavors.

talaniman · Jun 9, 2008, 05:55 AM

Best to get over the last person, and regroup your life around what you want it to be, and then slowly get to know the new guy. I doubt you can transfer feelings from one to another, without some serious consequenses, as everyone is unique, but also be aware of depending too much on them to make you happy, as that is solely your responsibility to yourself.

JBeaucaire · Jun 9, 2008, 06:16 AM

It's never helpful to undermine your current relationship by obsessing over a past one. You shoot yourself in the foot in the process.

Comparing isn't fair either. Some guy you love to death may be a horrible "mate" for you. And a guy you like/love, but a lot less in comparison, may ultimately be your perfect mate, capable of creating a wonderful and meaningful life with you for all time.

You're not looking for the deepest love, you're looking for the best match. The deepest love will actually come over time after choosing your man properly.