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My guy friend expects me to pay for EVERYTHING!
Asked Jul 24, 2012, 04:40 PM
Well, I have this guy friend, who I am seriously considering to de-friend (yeah
) Since we both have equally paying jobs he expects me to pay for everything. The first time I told him I didnīt have money and couldnīt go out he said but we have this system, one day you pay an I pay the next, If you donīt have money, Iīll pay. I thought it was fine, though we had always paid our share.
So, you can imagine, itīs been months since we have gone out and it has never been his turn to pay, one day I told him so, that I was really out of cash and that I only had money for my movie ticket (again) and he basically guilted me out to pay saying I cared a lot about money, that he thought our friendship wasnīt like that. He practically called me a scrooge. Only that time did he pay for anything in months and he only paid for the ticket, nothing more, and when I pay he orders popcorn, soda and all the food in the court even when he said he just ate like a pig and is about to burst. He says he doesnīt have money for parking or even a piece of bubblegum! I literally pay for everything!
He always says he doesnīt have money, that he forgot his wallet, his credit card. I feel used, and I definitely donīt need this; I thought we were really good friends, but this is starting to piss me off. I donīt need to buy a guyīs affection, let alone a friendīs affection, if I wanted that, I would pay for a gigolo and would be more satisfied because at least I wouldnīt be lied to.
I am sad to see this years-long relationship go, but I feel like he only wants to go out with me so I can pay. He always says where are YOU taking ME this weekend? and makes jokes with the clerks persons about how I ( a woman) pay for all his bills. I donīknow if it is just in jest, because he can have a really bad sense of humor and cheap sarcasm, nor I am a feminist but I hate that, I hate being portrayed like that in front of other people, even if I donīt know them.
He is very prissy, always takes things in offense, but with me it was different, at least most of the time, I could tell him the truth about what I liked or didnīt like and he would take it in stride, the same goes the other way around.
But now, he is more sensitive around me, and I didnīt want to raise a fight with my dear friend over something so petty as money and risk losing him, but really, if this goes on, how much does he aprecciates me? He knows I donīt make the big bucks, I only make the necessary, sometimes I am striving, sometimes I can save a little, but I definitely donīt have any money to spare, and he does this? I am not a cheap person, when the B-day of someone I love is close or Christmas is around the corner I loke to save money so I can buy something nice and thoughtful for my lovd ones, but I need time to sort my finances. I donīt want to end all swamped up in debt. I am always there to support my loved ones, no matter what, if I am able I always find a way to be there for them. So maybe I am not overly physical but I do demonstrate I care.
When he is courting someone he pays for ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING and he doesnīt complain. Heck! even when he knows the girl has a boyfriend and is never going to be with him like that, they never put out as they say, I know this for certain. I know we are not dating, I know it is different, and I donīt want it to be otherwise (I am not attracted to him, never have been, if you were wondering) but he knows me; he knows that I like to be courted, yes, at the beginning of a romantic relationship but that if we become formal I feel bad letting the guy pay for everything, I feel like I am being abusive, that I am taking advantage and I am not a cheeky person. With a friend is no different, I like things to be an understanding, a team-work.
So, why is he like that? I donīt say he has to pay for everything, I just want him to pay his share. I feel like he wants to be able to splurge at my expense and that just sucks. I didnīt want to say anything because I thought he had a reason for this -my friend is kind of weird, I have never been a very touchy-feely kind of person, I tell things sincerely, I sometimes hug and I laugh a lot, but I am not very physical, and he has begrudged me that, but he knows I am only that way with my dog, he has always known- so I think maybe it is his way to put things on equal ground in his mind, but the thing is I am starting to tire about his twisted ways, ever since he came back from his masters he is like a fifteen year old all over again, moody, broody, juvenile, clubbing, drinking, saying stupid crapm thinking he is always right and doing this to his 8 year long friendship.
I donīt know if I am overreacting or if I am really coming across as petty, but really, things were not like this. What should I do? I am talking to him, even with the risk of him being mad at me, him telling me I am mean and that I hurt his feellings by being this cold-hearted, money sparing , but I seriously feel used, like he only wants to go out with me so I can pay.
Every time we talk he pretends I didnīt say anything, that all is cool, he says I always overreact, that I need a boyfriend and am bitter. But I am not, I may not be into clubbing anymore, or I may be too responsible about my job and other things, but I know I am not bitter, my other friends and I have never have a problem even remotely similar, yeah, we sometimes disagree, but we are friends and respect each other. I donīt feel this with him anymore.
It seriously will hurt me if we donīt fix things, we come a long way and we have had a lot of precious experiences together, he is one of the friends I felt I could tell everything to. I really need someone elsesīs opinion on this.
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Jul 24, 2012, 04:45 PM
Originally Posted by Fangirllon
What a jerk. He's manipulating you. Banish him from your life.
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Jobs & Parenting Expert
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Jul 24, 2012, 04:46 PM
Why does it do this? Because he knows he can with you.
Stop paying for him.
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