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Jake448 · Feb 18, 2010, 10:39 AM

Story merged

Yesterday I was teasing my new girlfriend (we are in college) on the phone, very jokingly, about the fact that she didn't want to go out and wanted to stay home instead. All of a sudden she hangs up on me. I texted her asking if she hung up, she asked if I was teasing, I said that I was. In response, she texts "**** you". My response was "if you hung up on me because of that, then **** as well."

We haven't talked or texted since yesterday afternoon when that happened. I feel like we are handling this situation like two five year olds. So my question is should I contact her? I feel like she should be the one apologizing...

Romefalls19 · Feb 18, 2010, 10:43 AM

You are both behaving like children. Just call her and go from there

amicon · Feb 18, 2010, 10:58 AM

Exactly-call her and see if the both of you can have an adult conversation and sort it out.

dynocompe · Feb 18, 2010, 11:18 AM

Lol good luck man! I wouldn't waste my time if this is how she deals with problems on a regular basis.

I wish · Feb 18, 2010, 08:58 PM

If you two can't get passed something so small, then you two can forget about continuing the relationship.

Since you were the one who was teasing, you should give her a call. But do you really want to be with someone so easily rattled? If she hangs up on you for something like this, I can't imagine what she would do when you do something really wrong.

Glove And Gavel · Feb 18, 2010, 09:04 PM

Hi Jake!

I agree with wish.

When someone purposely hangs up the phone, it displays a lack of maturity and patience. Someone who hangs up on you doesn't respect you.

Hope you settle your dispute over the phone issue. But ask yourself if she is the right one for you.

jmjoseph · Feb 18, 2010, 09:23 PM

Could what you said be misinterpreted as being cruel? Are you sure? If not, then maybe you should consider finding a different mate.

Life is too short to have to walk on eggshells, not knowing how what you say or do is going to be misread by someone waiting to pounce on you because they may have a lack of self confidence.

I dated a girl like that one time, and it was he11 on earth. It's just not worth the effort. It's not worth compromising yourself just to keep the peace. If you apologize for something that you really didn't do, then you will do it time and time again.

She is either very sensitive, or you really DID hurt her feelings. Find out which one is true.

friend4u178 · Feb 18, 2010, 09:42 PM

Seeing as she is only a new GF , if she can't take a bit of joke I'd be making her an old GF.

Jake448 · Feb 18, 2010, 10:03 PM

Thanks for the responses, took the advise and called her today, got it sorted out. She apologized, I apologized too. Also made it clear to her that I am not going to deal with stuff like that in the future. She did not feel like I joked overboard, she just said she overreacted for no reason and also said it's that time of month for her. Anyway, we'll see how things run from here. Again, I appreciate the advise.

amicon · Feb 18, 2010, 10:20 PM

Good luck and I hope it works out for you!

Jake448 · Apr 21, 2010, 09:17 PM

Threads merged

So me and this girl have been dating for about 3 months now and I always pay for her no matter if its just a casual lunch, a dinner or a date. She never even offers to pay. What should I do? I am pretty tired of paying for her all the time and especially of the fact that she may be just using me. If she at least offered to pay, I would probably decline it most of the time, but she does not.

Lucky098 · Apr 21, 2010, 09:25 PM

You're pretty quick to stop pampering her!

The first couple of months is the honeymoon phase. She's probably still in it.. You, apparently aren't.

If it upsets you so much, then talk to her about it. Be nice about it.

I hardly ever pay for dinners and me and my boyfriend have been together for close to 4 years. I think I've offered to buy a small handful of meals.

But like I said, if it bothers you so much... Say something. If you don't tell her what upsets you, she'll never correct herself and the problem will only continue making you upset.

talaniman · Apr 22, 2010, 10:25 AM

The worst thing to do in a new relationship, is to not talk and get to know each other. Unless you do, you will start building up resentments that will just build up and explode at the wrong time.

Its so simple, Can you pay for my happy meal? I am broke!

Can you treat me to lobster dinner at Che'de Croissant? I am broke.

It's a general rule that the one who invites, pays. I think its tacky to invite someone to dinner, even at McDonald's, and NOT want to pay for you both.

OR,

I am hungry, and broke, and can only pay for one meal, want to join me?

All the above approaches will get responses that are quite revealing, and a lot better than guessing, assuming, and wondering.

OR,

Why do you never treat me to dinner? Are you just cheap, old fashioned or what? (You might want to clean that up), but the point is, to communicate! What is she a mind reader or something??

Jake448 · Jun 27, 2010, 08:29 AM

So yesterday my girlfriend of 5 months asked for a break and said we may have dragged on this relationship forcefully a bit long. She is away for the summer, so I have not been seeing her. I did not see the purpose of a break, so I told her, lets just break up then. I may have overreacted there. She said, "I wanted a break, but if you want to break up, thats your decision." According to her, the main reason for this was because she felt like I drink too much, which I do socially once a week or two weeks. When I do however, I get pretty hammered. But I am 22 in college, so I like to have fun sometimes and it never interfered with my relationship with her, so I don't know why it bothers her.
We still talked yesterday and I don't want to lose her, especially when she comes back to town in the fall, I want to be back with her. What should I do? Should I stop talking to her for a while and give her time? Was it the wrong decision for me to say to break up?

BWK10 · Jun 27, 2010, 08:36 AM

Well, I don't personally believe in "breaks", why would you want a "break" with someone you love or care about. I think you made the right decision to break up with her. But, do you know if your girlfriend potentially had an ex-boyfriend who drank heavily and perhaps maybe hit her, beat her, etc... and she wants to avoid that possibility at all costs. I'm not implying you would do that, it could be a possibility in her head.

Jake448 · Jun 27, 2010, 08:53 AM

She didn't, all her previous bfs were goodie goodie. Also to add on, she keeps texting me. One side of me wants to call her and tell her that we made a mistake yesterday and maybe both overreacted. Other side thinks I should tell her we shouldn't talk for a while...

Shadowburn · Jun 27, 2010, 09:59 AM

She wanted a break, so give her one. She is away for the summer, so things will cool off naturally anyway. There is no point in discussing getting back together now. When she'll be back, you will decide then if it's worth salvaging. You may feel different about the whole thing in a couple months.

parisrose · Jun 27, 2010, 10:50 AM

If she wants a break then you should let her have one. But don't keep in contact with her, a break is a break. No texting, no phone calls , nothing.

parisrose · Jun 27, 2010, 04:24 PM

A break is a breakup but with drama/prolonged pain. You know that's why you told her if she wanted a break then lets break up.

She probably didn't expect you to break up with her and now she's worrying she has really lost you.

I would talk with her about what she actually wants because she told you she wanted a break but she texting you. Just ask her.

talaniman · Jun 27, 2010, 06:18 PM

What is she texting about?

I have to admit, I think your right by making her break, a break up. They are the same thing in my book too.

Texting is not the proper way to communicate, and work through things, and they are easy, and cheap. Anything to be discussed should be by phone, or nothing because you are broken up, and I suspect she was caught off guard by your reaction, and is trying to keep herself on your mind from a distance.

That's why I asked what she was texting about, and if you have been responding.