I am 45. My partner is 33. We have been together for 4 years. I was with my previous partner for 8 years. I left her after she recovered from a brain bleed. It took her 2 and a half years to recover but I looked after her and her 10 yr old daughter without condition. She became a different person during her recovery. Nasty violent selfish and much more. I used her illness as her reasons but I'd has enough. Once she was able to stand on her own 2 feet I left. During the time I was taking care of her. My partner before her developed terminal cancer. We were still very close but not intimate. I also made time to do what I could for her and the kids until she passed away. Aged 34.
Now my problem. My second partner. The one I left has contacted me on now 3 occasions and begged me to come home and she's changed and will never let me down. I have communicated with her many times even to a point where I've led her to believe I may come back knowing I couldn't. Each time my partner now has found it each time. I do t know why I have done this and want to stay with my current partner but she doesn't believe me anymore that I want to be with her. And the trust has obviously gone. What can I do. I do want to spent my whole life with her and finally I have told my previously partner I'm sorry but il never go back

You stop having contact with her, so she calls and wants you back, don't answer her calls, don't read her emails, don't open her texts and there will be no contacting her.

You are feeling GUILT. First partner died while you were with second one, now second one got sick. You think somewhere in your mind that it's your fault and you have to go back. Don't go back. Your pent up anger over the treatment you received from her will come out in petty ways, I think, and you have no way of knowing if she has changed back to her old self. I say this because it happened to me - I took care of a boyfriend for 18 months of chemo and radiation, and he was awful, awful, awful. Plus I had been just about to break up with him! So I warned him as he got better that I was going to leave, and I did.