Hi there,

My fiancé's brother recently got engaged and we were invited to the engagement party. We both live quite a ways away from our families and were asked if my fiance's parents used points to get the flights if we could make it. I am in university and this event is right in the middle of five midterms and three papers.. needless to say I was hesitant to go and voiced that. His parents called maybe 20 minutes after ward, he put me on speaker asking can you go? -- I felt pretty pressured in to it so I said for one night. I just started a job this week and have only worked one shift yet, despite me letting them know I would be out of town that night, they scheduled me.

I don't really feel it would be good to call and let them know they made a mistake, as I don't want to give them a bad impression, yet my fiancé freaked out on me. Despite me saying no matter what you say I'm going to take 24 hours to think about it, he continued to try to argue with me and said I was basically saying a huge F you to his family and that he doesn't understand why I would choose to piss him off over phoning in and letting them know (I already explained more than once that I was worried because it's a brand new job).

Do I go or don't I? I'm feeling unnecessarily bullied in to going, I don't like his family, and I think it'll be useless to fly in for literally a span of 24 hours that I will be spending half of studying because I have three midterms the following week.

Thanks!

He sounds like a real winner... and I do mean that sarcastically.

If it was me... I'd say I have to work that day it's a new job and don't have time to take off yet,and I have to study... apologize and send a gift.

I see a lot more of his behaving like this in the future.

I don't get why you let yourself be bullied by the big goof, or are afraid to VERIFY if the schedule was just an oversight. If you don't want to go in the first place just say so!

I doubt this is the first conflict you have had with this "fiance" nor will it be the last. How have you handled him in the past?

If you are this easily railroaded, it's time to examine your self-resolve and ability to say no.
If you are engaged to a man who has so little regard for your schedule, career plans, school plans, and life in general, then I personally would examine how well this relationship is going to work out.

It is just an engagement party, not the wedding.

I will say, why are you scared at work, if you told them when you were hired, a day you needed off in the future, just remind them.

But with that said, if you are too busy, just tell everyone, you are sorry but will be there for the wedding.