My girlfriend wants a tattoo of a Koi fish in water going down her arm. And I mean half her arm.

Where my problem lies is that I really hate tattoos on girl, especially huge ones, and her profession. She wants to be a Social Worker and work with children. Not only that but I also want to be able to take her out places without being embarrassed of this gigantic tattoo going down her arm. She's done many things I have asked her not to do. Like smoking, which she promised that she stopped doing but I caught her three times, I asked her not to stretch her ears and she did it anyway, I asked her not to cut her hair because I liked it the way it was, and she did it anyway. I understand that I can't control her life, but these are the only things I've asked her to do in the year length we've been together. She asks me not to do things, and I listen, and I expect her to do the same. She will not budge one inch on this tattoo which scares me for our future relationship. I don't want to be with someone that is going to walk all over me and does whatever they want. I understand that if it makes her happy, than I should want it, but it makes me extreamly unhappy. I've told her that if she gets it that in my mind that will be her way of saying ink means more than my feelings. She'll be getting it in Jan when she turns 18. I also told her I would leave her if she got it, and she's still not budging. It's not a threat to make her not get it, it's legit. I'm not going to be with someone who doesn't take my feelings into consideration when making decisions. We're a relationship in that 2 people are in it. I wouldn't mind that much if she got it if she has ever listened to me before about doing things, but she hasn't. Not once. And that's the part that scares me. Do you guys think I'm being irrational? '

Thanks for reading, Bryan.

Big visible tattoos can preclude you from some jobs... besides some look downright ugly. Have her picture her grandmother with a saggy blurred tattoo like that on her arm. And they will blurr and they will sag when she gets old. And she will be stuck with it for life.

I'm not totally against tattoos, some look tasteful and discrete. A big damn fish on your arm is neither.

I like tattoos, I just straight out don't like them on women. Tattoos have never been a womanly thing, and I'm not trying to be sexist. I want a feminine girl. I want a girl I can show off. I don't want to introduce her at my wedding to my family with a huge tattoo going down her arm. I want her to look presentable, and lady like. She tells me this tattoo means a lot to her, it's her way of growing up and making her own choices, but I don't see how the hell a tattoo can cure you of that. Go buy a lottery ticket. I told her "the excitement for your tattoo will not last nearly as long as my hatred for it. It will make me angry to see it, it will make me loose a lot of respect and trust for you, it will make me embarrassed of you, it will make me loose sexual attraction to you, I loose so much more than you gain" and she's still dead set on getting it. We're having a lot of relationship issues as is, and this was just thrown on the pile today. We're kind of on a break until we get right again, but I'm not going to give her a second chance if this is what's planned for our future. I am not going to have a girlfriend that calls all her own shots without caring about my feelings.

I think tattoos on girls look great, and love suicidegirls, so I'm not going against the tattoo idea on a whole.

If you can, try and persuade her to have a look at this;
TattooJohnny.com
First!

You can get very realistic transfers made up of the tattoo you want for next to nothing and then both you and her can to see what it will really look like!

My only other problem with your post is that it sounds like she's deliberately trying to rebel against what ever you tell her not to do... maybe you should be taking a long, hard look at your relationship on a whole - not just this tattoo issue!

Hope that helps a little!

J

Stand up for yourself... you won't get used to something you hate, nor should you be forced to accept it. True its her life and you walking out of it is part of the price.

The right lower back tattoo can be feminine, certain things on the hip can be as well, big ugly tattoos on the arm will put off most guys. Me included.

Well, I hate the look of Suicide Girls, so that doesn't work for me haha.

I am, trust me I am sticking up for myself. She's just so f****g stubborn on the subject.

We've come to reason with she will consider relocating, which she than followed up with "for my career" So it's not ever for me. She has a really bad view on relationships and what should be done in them. I know she does, I know I think normal. She doesn't. I'm not sure if it's because her parents got divorced, or bad issues with boyfriends in the past, but she is defiantly not normal. She thinks I am being extraordinarily selfish and just down right insane for not wanting her to have this and peruse her happiness. It's like a crying kid in a toy store, except there will be no going around this. She WILL get the tattoo, I know she will. And I love her a lot, and I don't want to loose her, but I'm sticking to my word. I'm not staying with that crap. No other relationship I know works on "if it makes you happy, do whatever you want" But she thinks that's how its supposed to work, and she is just wrong. If you want something your partner is supposed to have a say in it. And if they don't like it, than you compromise. Her comprising is "I might re-locate it" she doesn't understand that I don't want it at all. But I am willing to come with agreements that I will be fine with it if you puts its somewhere hidden. And her "re-locating" idea, isn't even certain. It's a "maybe" I don't know where she gained this cocky, over confidence crap in this relationship, but it never started that way. And quite frankly, I want the girl I first met back, because the one now is not even close to the same person I fell for.

And on top of all of that, I'm legitimately afraid to even go all out with my feelings, because I think she is just going to leave. Yet she can stand there and yell at me and go all out with her opinions and feelings, but the second I raise my voice it becomes this huge argument, and she's hurt, she's crying, I don't love her, I can't live like this etc. I feel trapped. I can't live like this, I want to get out but I love her. It's hard to break your own heart.

Its her age... until she's in her mid to late 20's she is going to flip flop and change a lot. Plenty of reason alone to wait for a tattoo.

That's why she isn't the person you once knew, and likely not how she will be in another year or two. She may get worse. I never recommend anyone get too serious with anyone at this young an age for that reason. You can see this now and you should consider what's happening and start considering calling this relationship over. And yes you are right... a relationship takes two, she doesn't understand that or care about it.

So you are finding out that you and your girlfriend have different tastes, if she has to have one, and it is that big of deal, then break up, that is what dating is all about to find out if you wish to continue or not

Why are you trying to control her? You can voice your disapproval about x, y, z but then it is ultimately her decision. If you can't respect that what is there? I really don't understand why are you together. You don't like her past, you don't seem to be enjoying being with her now and you disapprove of her thoughts for the future. Seriously where is the relationship?

I don't think this is about a tattoo at all.

Hello.

I have a question for you. Why try to be with a Lady that is doing things you feel strong she should not do.

You can't control what she does, you can control if your with her or not. If her wants and needs do not follow yours then get out of the relationship. It's not going to get better in time. As you said she wants what she wants and nothing you say will change that.

Dennis777

I'm with her because Im in love with her. And I'm not trying to control her, she has never done a thing I ask her to do, she just runs wild and makes her own decisions without caring about my thoughts on it, and than tells me not to do things, and I listen so I espect her to do the same. Quite frankly, I don't want responses from women because you guys feel the need to stand strong and have girl power. I'm not trying to control her, this is beyond control, this is about judging our future relationship. Our relationship is hard to describe, and I really don't feel like doing it, so lets stick to the tattoo subject.

I don't feel the need to "stand strong and have girl power" with your girlfriend I don't even know her! Fine dismiss my advice on the basis of my gender if you want. Doesn't stop the fact that this is about more than a tattoo and if you can't see that then this relationship is in more trouble than you think.

But if you don't want to know what females think that's fine I won't waste my time.

Good luck anyway

You're right, it's about control...
... and his embarrassment at being seen with her.

She's 17 and changing too fast for you to keep up. That girl you first met is long gone. Let her go, and try to find a timid girl who will never think for herself or go against your wishes. Somebody more your speed.

I know its not about the tattoo, I've stated that many times. I'm not trying to control her.

SHE ASKS ME NOT TO DO THINGS, I ASPECT HER TO DO THE SAME!

Bottom line. She's not going to "control" me, if I can't "control" her.

Hello.

When I said control I'm not saying your trying to "control" her in a bad way. Let me change the word control with "you can or can't do anything about"... Example... You can't do anything about what she does.

When you ask a question on an open site like this your going to get a lot of answers some you like and some you don't but most are given to you because we want to help you, that's why we are doing this. Please give us the same respect back by not talking bad about our answers, just ignor the ones you don't see as helping you.

I have been doing this for many years and have had 100's of people contact me after the questions where answered telling me at the time they didn't like my answer but after some time they found that my answers had truth in them that at the time they didn't want to know about. Something to think about.

Dennis777

You're right. You didn't ask for opinions about the relationship.

Irrational? No. Selfish and immature? Yes.

You have no right to tell her what to do or not to do. On the same thought, she has no right to tell you. You have a picture of who you want your girlfriend to be in your mind, and you are trying to change this girl into that one. It doesn't work, and you have no right.

I'm speaking from experience here... she's so young.. its going to hurt.. but maybe you just need to let her go.. I agree with everyone saying she's going to continue to change.. I was in a relationship for three years.. from the time I was 14-17.. I changed a lot.. I know you don't want relationship advice.. I just wanted to put that out there to you.. You have a lot of time ahead of you.. you never know who you will meet out there.. there's someone out there waiting for you and she is perfect for you.. and maybe your girlfriend right now isn't that girl..
BACK TO SUBJECT NOW
About the tattoo.. I share the same taste as you.. I don't want my boyfriend to get a huge ugly tattoo on his arm.. I do think that it can look unprofessional depending on your profession. I say.. if you really love this girl.. and she loves you too.. then BOTH of your opinions should matter. If you think this girl could be the one you will marry.. and she feels the same way.. then you two should be compromising some. I think it would be OK if she got the tattoo on a place not so visible.. like her lower back.. or maybe even hip.. but I definitely see where you are coming from not wanting it on the arm...
If she won't compromise.. maybe that's a clue that she doesn't really take your thoughts into consideration at all. I don't think you're trying to be controlling.. you just want her to see your way on some things and compromise.. and she won't do it.. you need to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life battling someone and growing more and more bitter in the relationship, or get over it and find someone who will make you happy the rest of your life.. its up to you.
I hope I helped in some way.. Good luck!

Bottom line is she can do what she pleases. If what she does bothers you that much leave.