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Lonelyandbroken · Jun 2, 2009, 11:40 AM

Originally Posted by vanheart

Its been little over a week & your posts have been so helpful. Today I feel like I am back to where is was when she told me. I feel devastated, lonely and miss her so much. I feel such incredible despair today that could barely get out of bed. Can't stop thinking about her & why, if there is someone else, etc... I havent talked to her in 4 days & its killing me. we used to talk 20 times a day. Really hurting.

This is normal. You won't get over her over night. But it'll get easier.

vanheart · Jun 2, 2009, 12:41 PM

Just got a text from my ex. "Im not sure if you are, working. I'll be at home tonight and would like to say hi, Can I call you?" Man, I am really freaked now and feel terrified even though I am happy to hear from her. I am really confused and scared.

vanheart · Jun 2, 2009, 01:28 PM

Part of wants to let her know that I can only talk to her if she wants to make it work, or be honest with me and give me some REAL answers in why she is doing this. I am not sure if it's the right thing to do & my stomach is knots. I am jumping out of skin.

ajGambino · Jun 2, 2009, 02:14 PM

Do not reply or accept anything that she says at this point. You are a wreck right now, making any kind of decisions will only confuse you even more, not to mention make you feel like this longer.

Ignore it and continue on with your life without her, until you can see a clear picture. I'm sure after that, you won't even care to talk to her or not. Good luck man, stay strong.

vanheart · Jun 2, 2009, 02:18 PM

Should I write & tell her that I want NC and only contact me if she wishes to truly reconcile?

ajGambino · Jun 2, 2009, 03:01 PM

Originally Posted by vanheart

Should I write & tell her that I want NC and only contact me if she wishes to truly reconcile?

Don't tell her anything, just quit the contact. It's hard now, but you will get through it if you can truly stay NC for yourself.

Lonelyandbroken · Jun 2, 2009, 03:03 PM

Originally Posted by ajGambino

Don't tell her anything, just quit the contact. It's hard now, but you will get through it if you can truely stay NC for yourself.

Yup just do it.

Btw ajGambino how are you doing. You went NC about the same time I did.

vanheart · Jun 2, 2009, 03:09 PM

I guess I just want to let her know that she can't have her cake & eat it too and that I am respecting her decision. I keep composing this note in my mind & in a way gives me a bit of closure to let her know that I can't be there while she searches for something or someone better. Im pretty confused and having a hard time with just dropping off the face of the earth. Pretty scared.

vanheart · Jun 2, 2009, 03:16 PM

BTW, I just wanted to say how appreciative I am for everyone's thoughts. It is so admirable to spend the time to help me and others. I hopefully can offer up that & repay sometime. I can't thank you enough. Right now, this is all I really have to help me through.

Lonelyandbroken · Jun 2, 2009, 03:37 PM

Originally Posted by vanheart

BTW, i just wanted to say how appreciative I am for everyone's thoughts. It is so admirable to spend the time to help me and others. I hopefully can offer up that & repay sometime. I can't thank you enough. Right now, this is all I really have to help me through.

Well I don't need your thanks. Helping others actually helps me. Taking my own advice and such. I'm going through the same things. And I'm trying to hold myself to same standard that I'm advising.

talaniman · Jun 2, 2009, 03:52 PM

She is always flip-flopping about where she wants to be & what she wants to do, but knows she wants to be the best at her talents.

I would send a strong message with my SILENCE! She gave away all rights to your attention when she dumped you by phone!

She broke up with me over the phone a few days ago & says she doesn't want a relationship, wants to be single & needs time.

Do Not Reply. (Its about being to busy, and unavailable for her BS.)

vanheart · Jun 2, 2009, 03:55 PM

Thanks, I guess however hard, that is what I should do. I feel terrible and its so against my nature.

talaniman · Jun 2, 2009, 04:05 PM

And getting dumped on your a$$ is in your nature??

vanheart · Jun 2, 2009, 04:14 PM

No. its not. Thanks.

JustLaw · Jun 2, 2009, 05:09 PM

She will be expecting to hear from you on her birthday and probably thinks she has you pegged to a T, and maybe she does, but you need to take a stand for you! It is odd and it is tough to do something that you normally wouldn't do, but you are not doing it to her or fer her or about her... you are doing it for YOU! You are making a stand for yourself and YOU are the number one priority.

vanheart · Jun 2, 2009, 05:11 PM

You're right. Thanks for helping.

Syzygy · Jun 2, 2009, 06:55 PM

Although I have not gone through all 8 pages of responses, I can still hazard to offer my insight.

Her mind has already moved on. Yes, she may love you but you have to realize that loving someone is different from being in love with someone. She no longer desires to be with you. I know it is difficult to cope with.

You are a successful artist - perhaps you can express yourself in your art form.

Also, keep up with the no contact. When you suddenly have a desire to contact her (usually at night or when you're alone) force yourself to do something else. Walk out your door and have a walk. Turn on some music. Take a shower. Do something and eventually you will no longer have those urges.

vanheart · Jun 2, 2009, 07:05 PM

Thanks, I am. Will be trying. I guess you wouldn't be here if you haven't experiencing similar feelings.

talaniman · Jun 2, 2009, 07:34 PM

Talaniman Rule- Once a female dumps you on your a$$! Move on, and give that pleasure to a different female.

ajGambino · Jun 2, 2009, 07:46 PM

As the days go by, you will catch up on things that'll make your decisions to avoid thoughts of your ex, without even thinking about it.

A lot of people usually go out, hang with friends, do new activities, stuff like that. At first, I hated being home and had to go hang out with my friends any chance I could. As time passed, I was more comfortable being by myself and doing my own thing.

Try to find yourself, but don't push it. Let it come naturally. Do whatever you feel like doing and don't force yourself.

I hope this advice helps you some. Good luck man, work hard.