Hey everyone. I came across this site by googling for help on what to do when a girlfriend wants to have a "break." If anyone has any advice or will just tell me their opinion I'd appreciate it so much, and please feel free to speak EXACTLY what you think whether you think its mean or unuseful or anything. Well here's the story...
It all started at the beginning of spring semester in college. I was sitting with my group of friends in a financial class and this girl walks in and totally captivates me. For about a month this girl would walk in and I would get butterflies and occasionally sneak a peak at her in class. She was a shy girl and didn't ever say much in class so at the time I was either thinking that maybe she was stuckup or she was truly shy. This continues up until the 1st test of the class, being the honorable student I am I had a copy of the test and was copying answers but came across a section that demanded a calculator and I had forgot mine. So I go to the professor asks if he has a spare calculator and he announces to everyone I forgot mine so if they have an extra to lend it to me. I go back to my seat start writing more answers when all of a sudden she turns around and hands me her calculator, I immediately accepted it with a pounding heart and continued to work the test until time was up. As people began to put their coats on she turns around and sees me cheating... she smiles and heads into the next room to finish the test. I follow her and sat next to her, offered my answers to her and said goodbye.
After that day we began talking within a day or so I asked her to coffee. We talked for 2 1/2 hours and had a blast. That weekend we went to our professors house for this big wild game feast, it was her idea she said it'd be "outta the ordinary" and we had a blast. A week later were dating. Her ex at the time was still trying to hold on but she told him she needed to try new things, which I guess was me. Spring break comes up and were a week apart, miss each other like crazy and can't wait for it to be over. Upon returning I was introduced to her family at their favorite restaurant, met her sister that flew from st. louis and it went very well. Over st patties weekend we acknowledged that we fell in love with one another. Things were going amazing between us, and I was in love for the first time.
A little about myself; my longest relationship before this one was 3 1/2 weeks and had failed at many of them. Because of this I have become extremely guarded and don't open to many people. I eventually got the rep of a "player" but she saw through this and gave me a chance and didn't even care if I was any good at football (on the team at school)
Things were going great between us and were extremely happy. Then one day her ex starts to try and bring himself up into things again and I can tell she changed a little bit but I wasn't worried, she loved me and said they just made a promise to always stay friends since they dated for two years. Easter weekend rolls around and she informs me that she's pregnant... the whole month of April we were both a wreck and were confused. We woundup having an abortion, both of us agreed... we knew we weren't capable of anything like that yet in our lives. In that month she was very closed off and quiet, I thought she was going to dump me numerous times but I persisted and told her that I'm there for her and will do everything I can for her and let her know all the time. One weekend she came home with me and I saw her phone laying on my bed and I got a little curious because she was always on it... I found a message to her ex saying "it feels like its been forever since i've seen you, since you kissed me, since you've been inside me, since we cried together..." and I was like what the hell?? I was hurt and confronted her about it and she said it meant nothing, that he was having a bad day and she said that just to make him feel better. So I trusted her and moved on. At the end of the month we went through the abortion and it turned out to work very well for us.
It sounds terrible to say but I'm being honest with this message, it felt like a giant weight had been lifted off us. The guilt was there for sure, but the weight being off really helped. We became close again and were very happy. Summer was coming soon and I had to leave to go home and make some money because I don't have time during the year with football. We agreed to try the distance thing. I promised her I would come see her as much I could and things were great. Two weeks ago we went to shrek 3 and she told me during the movie "you have my heart and i'm so in love with you" and I was happy as could be.
A little over a week ago I went with her to one of her horse shows and she'd been acting all funny and I was very confused, we eventually talked about it and she said she felt "caged" by our relationship. Recently an old friend of her ex's had been hitting on her and she admitted to me they had a small thing in the past... so I trusted her that it was nothing but still kind of had it on the back of my mind. Things just seemed to worsen, coincidentally her ex was coming back into town soon...
She had a horse show last week, over the few days of her horse show she went and hung out with those old friends I just mentioned, said she partied with them, stayed on there couch and went to her show the next day. I was a little uncomfortable with it but I knew she loved me and I trusted her. I got time off work Sunday to drive up and see her. I get to her house and she doesn't seem excited at all to see me, she said she was just really tired from staying out late and doing her show so I'm like OK. We go to dinner and her ex keeps texting her meanwhile the whole time she looks about ready to fall asleep. We went and watched a movie and I left in the morning. Yesterday she sends me a message on Facebook (our way of expressing feels easily) she said sorry she was such a zombie and stuff... but then she goes to say she isn't really sure she can us being together in the future, that she's afraid of the commitment/relationship part of it. At this time, she went to dinner with her ex who is only in town for two weeks so I was a little freaked out and scared. She calls late last night and we have a long talk...
She says she loves and has feelings for me and is just really having a hard time figuring things out. So I ask her, would it help if I just gave you space? I told her I love her and I want her to be happy and if she needs a little space and time that I will do that for her. So I guess were now on a "break"
I guess I could really use your peoples opinions on this whole thing... I cried quite a bit today, I didn't understand what went wrong or what I did or what I didn't do. My friends claim it's her and she just needs to get her head straight, but of course their my friends and a little bias. Do you think it's strange that this is happening right around the time her ex is back in town? I keep telling myself that she wants to get one last flavor of him and see if what she is doing with me is really what she wants so I'm giving her her space and letting her get ahold of me. She says she doesn't have feelings like him for that anymore... but I mean honestly, they dated for two years there has got to be some old feelings.

If you could tell me what you make of this whole thing I would greatly appreciate. I feel so lost, confused and hurt that it's just killing me. Any suggestions or advice or opinions would be wonderful. Thank you

This is simple. Don't Call!! Don't do anything. Its all up to her...

If you look at it closely when you smother her she pulls away. Id say she broke up with the ex cause he was all over her. She feels good with you and when she's away she misses you. Well you have to make her miss you by not being as available. Anyway at the moment you cannot chase her text her anything. If you want to be with her its up to her. (Dont let her no your waiting and its her choice) Just don't do anything either way she will realise she wants you and not the syupid ex..

Let me tell you now she is not going to want the ex and the reason is he will be trying as hard as he can to get her back qand this will probably push her to you. Cause you are relaxed

The first question that I have is how old are you? I know you are in college, but how old is that?

My second thought, you fell "in love" rather quickly. I am a true believer that you need to go through the seasons with some one (fall, winter, spring and summer). Sometimes it happens more quick than that, but I think that what you may have really been experiencing is infatuation. People talk about love at first site, but what they are really talking about is sexual attraction and infatuation. Love is a feeling about the qualities of the person, not an urge.

To me, it sounds like this girl has issues. She keeps pulling you in and then pushing you back. If she truly loved you, then she would not be playing these mind games with you. The abortion subject may have something to do with it, but I think that the ex was always in her back pocket even before she became pregnant.

You can't force a relationship to go the way that you want it to because it will only backfire. The person with lesser interest always wins. I think that you did the right thing in giving her space. If it is meant to be, then it is meant to be. Be careful if she comes back because she may pull this again and again and again. Only you can determine if that is acceptable. Do you really know this person or are you trying to fit her into the image of the perfect girl, and therefore ignoring all of the bad qualities that may really exist? Ever heard of the term "love is blind?" Secretly texting is wrong. Also, if you REALLY trusted her, you would not have looked at her phone. Remember, trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, initimate or otherwise. If you don't have trust, then what do you have? Would you allow one of your buddies to constantly lie to you about things? Probably not. Then why do you allow this girl to give you one excuse after another? I don't believe for a second that she never meant the things that she text. How do you know that she is not telling her ex the same things that she is telling you about him? That YOU are the one that can't let go and that she only says these things to YOU because she wants to make YOU to feel better. You need to ask yourself a question: "What do I need in a relationship?" Be brutally honest and do not settle for less than what you need and deserve. If you do settle, this will only create further resentment and a lack of trust in any relationship that you are in. Another thought: Maybe she thought it was okay that you were a player because she has a little bit of a player in her as well.

My suggestion? Take the summer off from her completely. Don't jump the moment that she wants to get together Spend it busy with a summer job, spending time with your family and friends and maybe invest in a therapist. Keep in mind that you are not going to a therapist to get over this girl, but rather to help you determine what makes you tick and why you choose the relationships that you do (remember, the other ones did not work either). Once you are comfortable with yourself and really understand yourself, you will find that person you were meant to be with.

Good luck to you and I hope that I have helped you in some way!!