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    Girlfriend wants a break/space and doesn't know y

    Asked Feb 3, 2006, 07:06 AM 174 Answers
    Hi, I've been with my girlfriend for 1.5 yrs. Everything was great for over a yr. its been about 1.5 months now she's hasent been acting herself. We had some fights and stuff, but we never fought before so its only normal. Anyway, 2 weeks ago she came out of now where saying she wants to break up and all that crap, we talked about it and she said she wanted her space to be alone, that she was confused, however she wasn't able to give me any reasons for her actiong though. So were on a "break" she said she would call me when she was ready. After 2 weeks I called her just to say hi and to see if she was OK, she started to break down on the phone craying really hard, we talked she brought up what I was doing without her and I said I went out and stuff, she got upset at the idea of me going clubbing, but I didn't go. We talked about the relationship and she was really emotional but yet seemed like she wanted to break up. We talked for 2 hr, so if she didn't want to talk I guess we wouldn't have. Anyway, I don't know what to do now. I know since I met this girl that she has issues about her life, and has always suffered from depression but wasent enough for her to realise, me and my mom confronted her that she was going through something and that one day she will snap. I've been through it before. Anyway I really think she has hit emotional rock bottem and is doing this because her head is messed up. She comes from a familly that treats her like ****, she's been doing bad in school, so I guess she's stressed out about her life that she want to park me on the side to deal with her problems. I've read your comments and my girlfriend was really acting not herself through all this stuff. Like she was a totally different person than the one I knew. What do you guys think is going on?? Is she really going through a break down, or does she really doesn't want to be with me?? I mean I've done so much for her and her life wouldn't be the way it is now if it wasn't for me. So why would she want to lose a great guy like me. She's been hurt by losers before that cheated on her and **** like that, so why would she let me go? If she needs to see a dr to get help for her issue I want to help her. I'm really confused please let me know what you think? Thanks

    Last edited by talaniman; May 7, 2012 at 04:23 AM.
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    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,930, Reputation: 674
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    #2

    Feb 3, 2006, 07:25 AM
    Hi, Mattvit,
    I am 64 yrs old, married 28 yrs to a wonderful lady, 2nd. Marriage. My first marriage ended in divorce after 7 years.
    So, with you having a relationship for a year and a half, my marriage ended after 7 years. There are no guarantees in life.
    When a person has their own personal problems, it's very hard to have a relationship with someone else. Your girl has problems, and it's going to be hard for her to be interested in anyone until she can straighten them out.
    One has to like oneself, before they can like another.
    My suggestion is to "just hang in there", giving her support, but stay out of her way. Don't offer help, unless she asks you. Give her some time, and meet some new girls. If you both really love each other, it will happen for you eventually, but might be a few months on down the road.
    I do wish you the best of luck.
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    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,667, Reputation: 698
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    #3

    Feb 3, 2006, 08:44 AM
    Dear mattvit, first welcome to the forum. Second, you don't need to post the same issue twice - we get the messages one way or the other.
    As fredg said, give her time - you are both still young and maybe she needs some serious time to herself to develop personal growth and self-confidence. Please remember one important thing - just because a girl says she needs a break - there is not always another guy involved - so leave that green jealous monster in the closet for a while.

    Good Luck, and keep us posted.




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    mattvit's Avatar
    mattvit Posts: 73, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Feb 3, 2006, 08:48 AM
    Hi, thanks for your support. But, why would she want to get ride of me to grow and get confidence and wtv. I'm there for her and I love her and I just don't get why she wants to be alone?
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,435, Reputation: 10835
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    #5

    Feb 3, 2006, 10:04 AM
    I get the love you have but since she has decided to work on herself then give her the time to do just that.It doesn't matter whether she tells you her reason, just respect her wishes.This doesn't mean that you should sit on your hands and wait for her to comeback or call ,it is very important you move on with your life and do the things you enjoy,and make you happy!Time will tell if you get back with her or not, so go live life and let her grow.Giving her space is an act of love :cool:
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    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,667, Reputation: 698
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    #6

    Feb 3, 2006, 10:19 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by mattvit
    hi, thanks for ur support. but, y would she want to get ride of me to grow and get confidence and wtv. im there for her and i love her and i just dont get y she wants to be alone?
    Just because YOU'RE there for her and YOU LOVE her, does not mean that she does not have a life and needs to straighten it out for HERSELF. One should never put any other person on a pedestal or in the center of our universe unless it's your own child (from a mother). So, please understand that even if she knows that you care and love her, she still will need time to get to know herself - are you ready to do that? We don't own our partners and should not imagine that we are the only ones that should count in their lives - that's being selfish, so if you are on that road, you need a new perspective on how to treat people in your life. I wish you lots of luck and above all hope you learn a lot of patience - you'll need it no matter what woman enters your life.

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    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,583, Reputation: 435
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    #7

    Feb 3, 2006, 11:18 AM
    Hey mattvit,

    Hmmmmmmmmmmm heard this 1000 times before. Me thinks there is some more to this. 95% chance there is deffinitely another guy. For sure. Sorry for the tough love.

    Space, needs time etc. = usually always means she has found another guy she is concentrating on. This is the calssic example. SHE WILL not tell you this - ever. You're a classic 'nice guy' - the 'I love her and did everything for he' guy. She doesn't want to damage your ego. Truth hurts, but it's better than lying.

    You should not have called. DO NOT contact her. Give 2 months - NO CONTACT. You are broke. She doesn't want to be with you. Trust me on this. Work on yourself - hangin with friends, DATE, DO GO TOI CLUBS (DO NOT worry what she thinks - she doesn't want to be with you) - workout, hang with your family, work hard at work and school,

    Three keys after a break:

    1. DO NOT CONTACT HER WHA TEVER YOU DO - 2 MONTHS. DO NOT RETURN HER CALLS, E-MAILS, TEXT. Have girl buddy to talk to - a friend to call when you have the urge to call her.

    2. DATE!!

    3. Be busy, make YOUR life better, have fun - if she see that you are OK without her - she may come back.

    She doesn't want this love sick puppy calling her all the time.

    Learn about dating and what a 'nice guy' is, learn about women and dating:

    www.askmen.com - read ALL datin garticles

    www.sosuave.com - learn about women's tricks and WHY they HATE 'nice guys'

    www.lovetactitcs.com - learn about winback and TRUE LIFE dating.

    This gal doesn't want space, she wants to date other guys. TRUST me - she's fine, she doesn't need to be by her self - just excusses to get rid of you.

    I assume 100% you were to oinsecure lately, needy, jealous etc. - women HATE that.

    Do do what she wants yo uto do - that controlling and a test.

    She wants you for backup after the guy she IS seeing doesn't work out or turns into a creep.
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    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,583, Reputation: 435
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    #8

    Feb 3, 2006, 11:19 AM
    Cherry is SOOOOOOO dead on.

    Leave her alone for now. No calls.
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    mattvit's Avatar
    mattvit Posts: 73, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Feb 3, 2006, 11:33 AM
    I know I am leaving her alone now. But she just called me. She was like who is this # that's calling my phone. I was like I don't know. She said well are you calling me and stuff. I say well no. she said uve been doing good giving me space like I asked. She said if I find out your calling me and ****, I'm going to break up with you with out a doubt. Then I was like what the hell I didn't do anything. Then her voice went all soft and she was like o crap, I'm sorry I accused u, I know uve been doing good so far. Then I said, well you. Then we said buy and that's it.

    I Didn't CALL HER!! I SWEAR.

    So what do you guys think of the situation now? Is she just needing time to herself to go shopping with her friends and stuff and will get back with me, is she testing me? What the hell is she doing? I know when she called me she was out shopping because I checked her online banking and she had spent money at the stores. I'm so pissed off. Please let me know what you think
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    nwsflash's Avatar
    nwsflash Posts: 530, Reputation: 73
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    #10

    Feb 3, 2006, 12:41 PM
    she said if I find out your calling me and ****, I'm going to break up with you with out a doubt
    She has no trust or respect for you then?

    I checked her online banking and she had spent money
    You shouldn't be doing that you know!

    You need to go 100% for the" NO CONTACT RULE" don't call don't page text or anything with her... If she calls you just let your voicemail pick up and take time out to get your own head straight. I agree that it sounds like something is up maybe another guy on the scene but I feel she is starting to take you for a ride now!

    Regards the calls I think she is just looking for away to break up and turn a spin on it to make it look like your to blame.

    Sorry to be blunt, but go out enjoy your life... Have time for you and resoect and love yourself, I'm sure then you will meet Mrs Right because this girl don't seem to be the one.
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    mattvit's Avatar
    mattvit Posts: 73, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Feb 3, 2006, 01:03 PM
    I agree, but y can she just admit break up. Like listen we haven't seen each other for 3 weeks, talked for 2 weeks. To me were NOT together anymore, y is she doing this stupid game ****. Like she thinks I'm going to be around when she decides she wants to be with me. I've accepted its over. Because this is reduculous. Now she wants space to do what she wants and thinks I'm going to be crying at home. No way, I think she's either trying to get revenge on me for hurting her or get payback, something like that. Because when I talked to her its like she decided that we won't be together for x amount of time, and that we just have to see it through. She tells me I'm going good, giving her space. What the hell am I her dog? I think she's trying to gain control and to hurt me or something. Who knows what's in her head. All I know is that she has never been this way ever. Its like she is possesd and not herself. Please guys let me know what u think now. I've accepted that were not together because we haven't been, an she's playing stupid games. I'm sure she will call me and say its over like in a few weeks, but I already know it is. Or she might say I miss u I want u again, then I won't give in.cuz if she really loved me like she says she does, then its BS. Because I've always told her, words mean nuthing to me. If u love me u need to show it, not say it. So obviously she doesn't care anymore and is taking me for a ride. So her right now she's going out doing stuff thinking that she has me on a string, but to her surprise if/when she calls me ill have my own surprises. Let me know what u think now. Thanks
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    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,583, Reputation: 435
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    #12

    Feb 3, 2006, 01:33 PM
    QUIT picking up the phone.
    No contact.
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    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,583, Reputation: 435
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    #13

    Feb 3, 2006, 01:35 PM
    Hate to break thi to you - but you made her this way - she walks all over you.

    You need to grow a spine and put her in her place. Butleave her alone for at least 2 months.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,435, Reputation: 10835
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    #14

    Feb 3, 2006, 02:36 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman
    ...,it is very important you move on with your life and do the things you enjoy,and make you happy!Time will tell if you get back with her or not, so go live life and let her grow.Giving her space is an act of love :cool:
    So now that things are clearer now,it should be easy to move on and chalk this one under FINISHED business.:cool:
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    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,583, Reputation: 435
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    #15

    Feb 3, 2006, 03:37 PM
    I agree... right now, this gal at her age is ttrouble for you.
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    nwsflash's Avatar
    nwsflash Posts: 530, Reputation: 73
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    #16

    Feb 3, 2006, 03:41 PM
    I agree... right now, this gal at her age is ttrouble for you.
    So now that things are clearer now,it should be easy to move on and chalk this one under FINISHED business.
    I don't think any one here can make it any more clear than the advice that you have been given "NO CONTACT RULE" is a must! Change your number if you have to, move on with your life because I'm sure this Ex is for sure.

    You need to be strong and move on, stop letting this girl walk all over you... Your on a string to her at present, stop jumping when she calls and show her you really are moving on... Hell call the phone company and get her *** barred from calling you...... MOVE ON ...... !!!!
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    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,583, Reputation: 435
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    #17

    Feb 3, 2006, 04:16 PM
    I don't think you couldget back together with the way she has treated you and these threats.

    Go out with a good girl and it will make you forget about her.

    How older are bot hof you?
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    mattvit's Avatar
    mattvit Posts: 73, Reputation: 1
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    #18

    Feb 3, 2006, 05:52 PM
    She was a good girl till this crap started. I'm 22 and she's 20. Trust me I haven't let her step on me in our relationship, as much as I have been good I also have been bad. This is just now with this crap. All of a sudden she started to be and act like a B***H. she obviously doesn't want to be with me but yet hasent said it or decided. I know that were done, but she's playing these games, she has been very odd, weird, fishy, like she is a totally different person over night. Anyway I've been disrespected beyond repair so I just want to be the one to say its over. You know. But you guys are saying not to contact her. I just let her think what she wants and I move on with her thinking I'm still there?
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,435, Reputation: 10835
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    #19

    Feb 3, 2006, 06:12 PM
    No<you Move On Doesn't Matter What She Thinks No Contact Rule!:cool: :eek:
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    mattvit's Avatar
    mattvit Posts: 73, Reputation: 1
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    #20

    Feb 3, 2006, 07:18 PM
    So if she does call... I Don't ANSWER!! Right. Lol
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