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    HappyToast's Avatar
    HappyToast Posts: 12, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 10, 2008, 09:18 PM
    My girlfriend wanted a break. How long should I wait before I contact her?
    I just found this site and I appreciate any advice I can get.

    I've been with my girlfriend for 3 1/2 years. We met through my cousin, her best friend, when she was 19 and I was 23 and I fell so hard I told her to move in with me and so we've been living together for pretty much the whole time. It's been really great and I know I love this girl. We talked seriously about marriage and kids and we were certain that our future was with each other.

    When she told me she needed a break it was because I was being difficult and not supportive and that she needs to do this. I said I didn't like it but if there's no other way I will wait. She was unclear as to how long this break will take.

    When she left last week that morning she said she loves me and will come back to me, to just let her do this for herself and she text me saying the same thing latter that day.
    So I tried to call her midweek but she didn't answer then the next night I drove to her house but she wasn't happy to see me. I'm trying to be supportive so I haven't tried to call her again.

    Then I found out she's talking to this security guard at the place she works at. Should I be worried about this? How can I show her that I'm the one she should be with? Should I send her a letter on myspace? She hasn't taken down the pictures we have together on it. I don't want to lose this girl.
    Janmarie's Avatar
    Janmarie Posts: 167, Reputation: 46
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    #2

    Aug 10, 2008, 09:32 PM
    You don't sit around and wait for her and you don't call her. She took a break so you need to as well. Take the time to think back to when and why you haven't been supportive of her and when you may have been difficult. Use this as an opportunity to get curious about yourself.

    If she is just talking to a security guard at work don't get your feathers ruffled and don't play the jealous type. I am sure she talks to a lot of people she works with.

    Don't take things so seriously, relax and just let her have her space...stay out of her space and let her just be. She will figure it out and the more you leave her alone the faster she will. But get on with your life and enjoy your space for awhile.
    SuaveWazoo's Avatar
    SuaveWazoo Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Aug 10, 2008, 10:00 PM
    Try to work out some kind of agreement between you and your girlfriend to make some kind of regular contact during this break just to have a brief checkup with each other and see see how each other is doing. Maybe a phone call once a week, and a dinner together once every 2 weeks? Either way, you guys can still see each other regularly, while still retaining in the independence of a break.
    HappyToast's Avatar
    HappyToast Posts: 12, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Aug 10, 2008, 10:57 PM
    Thank you. I really will try to relax and focus on me.
    Should I wait a week, a month or let her call me first before trying to establish the check up?
    She doesn't really seem to want to see or talk to me.
    I just don't want her to think that I've moved on.
    ISneezeFunny's Avatar
    ISneezeFunny Posts: 4,175, Reputation: 821
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    #5

    Aug 10, 2008, 11:04 PM
    The problem is, I think you NEED to move on. Girls use this "I need space," excuse wayy too often that it needs to be on a t-shirt somewhere. I'm not saying that your girl is lying, but I've seen more than enough guys that come through this site saying, "My girl wants me to wait for her," then come back 2 weeks later saying they've moved onto the next guy.

    Either way, whether she's telling you to wait, move on. Get focused back onto your life and yourself... and just move on. This way, if she moves on, then you're ahead of the game. If she comes back, then hey, you can go back, and think of it as a nice vacation for yourself.

    No need to call her... she'll call you when she's ready to talk to you.
    Spikeman's Avatar
    Spikeman Posts: 36, Reputation: 5
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    #6

    Aug 11, 2008, 12:44 AM
    You need to wait until she contacts you if the relationship is salvageable(sp).

    All you can really do at this moment is just back off and give her the space that she has asked and with being together for 3 years it is going to be tough but it is something that must be done if you want the smallest hope of the relationship to work.

    Now in my experience when a woman says she wants space she is throwing the towel on the relationship because she has found someone else, and now I am not saying that this is what is happening in your situation but I would be extremely cautious and keep your guard up.

    The best course of action for you at this moment is to go NC and just focus on you and thing you have to do and things you want to do. Go to a gym, go rock climbing, do something that will get your mind off her and back onto you and things you need to do.

    And about the security guard, it doesn't mean anything and you will never know unless you catch them, and the best thing to do is to give her the benefit of the doubt.

    If you want to keep her give her the space and bow out until she contacts you. BUT until then enjoy life.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,213, Reputation: 10853
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    #7

    Aug 11, 2008, 12:47 PM
    Fair warning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You ain't gonna like this!!!

    my girlfriend wanted a break. how long should i wait before i contact her?


    Give her what she asked for, and you live and enjoy yourself, as if she doesn't exist. If she changes her mind, she will call you but heed this, don't hold your breathe.

    Questions??????
    Lowtax4eva's Avatar
    Lowtax4eva Posts: 2,467, Reputation: 190
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    #8

    Aug 11, 2008, 01:37 PM
    It sounds like she was too scarred to just say "it's over" and by "take a break" she meant permanently.

    Anyway I could be wrong but it sounds like that. Just stop talking to her and move on, start dating someone else cause she definitely has.
    Ash123's Avatar
    Ash123 Posts: 1,793, Reputation: 305
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    #9

    Aug 11, 2008, 01:49 PM
    Please read my break-up survival guide below. It delves into what you are asking.
    bigdee's Avatar
    bigdee Posts: 132, Reputation: 20
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    #10

    Aug 11, 2008, 01:52 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by HappyToast
    should i wait a week, a month or let her call me first before trying to establish the check up?
    The last option - "let her call me first before trying to establish the check up"
    HappyToast's Avatar
    HappyToast Posts: 12, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Aug 11, 2008, 04:28 PM
    Her aunt just text me asking how to reach her mother. Should I add anything about how I miss and love her?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,213, Reputation: 10853
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    #12

    Aug 11, 2008, 04:33 PM
    Absolutely NOT!!
    Spikeman's Avatar
    Spikeman Posts: 36, Reputation: 5
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    #13

    Aug 11, 2008, 04:38 PM
    As tal said best.


    No not by any means

    Follow the 3 C's in this case
    1. Cool
    2. Calm
    3. Collected
    HappyToast's Avatar
    HappyToast Posts: 12, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Aug 11, 2008, 04:44 PM
    Well she has a new guy now and she's been hiding the contact with others she had while with me. Can't believe it happen so soon. But that's how its been with her other relationships. Thank you everybody for your advice it has really helped me.
    Spikeman's Avatar
    Spikeman Posts: 36, Reputation: 5
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    #15

    Aug 11, 2008, 04:47 PM
    Its all good, just keep your chin up!
    Janmarie's Avatar
    Janmarie Posts: 167, Reputation: 46
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    #16

    Aug 11, 2008, 09:25 PM
    Get a grip on your emotions and don't say a word to her, her mother, or any mutual friends about how much you love and miss her.
    HappyToast's Avatar
    HappyToast Posts: 12, Reputation: 1
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    #17

    Aug 11, 2008, 10:47 PM
    So she made a comment on how she doesn't like to have been let down. And put a new picture of her but it just looks like she's making a brave face... I know her smile.
    What are the chances she wants me to fight for her. Granted this is the longest I haven't talked to her but she constantly needs reassurance... so I'm thinking that's why she's talking to the one guy but turned down another... plus she won't state that she's seeing the guard where I can see it.

    I just think she wants me to beg for her forgiveness and for her to stay in this relationship... because one of the reasons she said she left was that she feels like she's has to beg not for me to leave, not fair but I have done my share of groveling when she gets jealous. This has just been the wost up to date.

    This is just really hard to let go. I haven't contacted her yet except for the text but I figured that was too impt. I believe I can move on... I just don't know if I can do it without every speaking to her or seeing her, stupid as it sounds.
    Ash123's Avatar
    Ash123 Posts: 1,793, Reputation: 305
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    #18

    Aug 12, 2008, 08:01 AM
    Hey HT,

    Have you not said all you had to say?
    Is she not with another guy?

    You might want to re-read my break-up guide.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,213, Reputation: 10853
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    #19

    Aug 12, 2008, 08:11 AM
    Every time she pops in your head, is a signal to do something positive for yourself, so start making a to do list for yourself.
    Romefalls19's Avatar
    Romefalls19 Posts: 4,739, Reputation: 1130
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    #20

    Aug 12, 2008, 08:20 AM
    Here is what a friend told me. Every time you feel like contacting her, punch yourself in the gut, because that is the same feeling as you will receive when you text her and she either A. responds with something mean or B. Doesn't respond

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