Hey everyone, Im pretty new to this but I am desperately seeking help.

The relationship I've shared with my fiancé (if she still is) was a very beautiful thing, we barely ever fought and no matter what, we always showed affection towards each other and told each other that we were deeply in love. From the beginning, we saw each other pretty much every day and never got tired of seeing her.

Earlier this month things changed, she told me she was afraid that she might not feel the same way I feel about her, and she said that wasn't fair for me, I told her we should work things out instead of giving each other that break she was seeking. All month long it was mixed signals, I was guilty of that as well but it was mostly out of spite. I made problems bigger than they already were and I would always accuse her of cheating on me (not to her face but I would drop hints) that was the scenario that made the most sense to me... I became so desperate to find out what was going on that I hacked into her Facebook page and saw a message I didn't like at all... I completely snapped. By no means am I an angel but I am no devil, I don't like confrontation and I am a very understanding person but even I had my limits. She's a receptionist at a clinic and her phone is at the front, I called her and right away started cursing at her and told her that it was over between us, I said that since its over between us you owe me to let me know the truth, how long has this been going on! She said that she wasn't cheating on me... I honestly thought she didn't care about or the relationship we've shared so I said something to try to get her upset... I told her that if something were to happen to me that it would be all of her fault, I really have no reason to live... That was an empty threat by the way

After she ended the conversation I had about 3 hours to think about what just happened before she got off work, I right away realized how big of a mistake I made. When she got off I tried two hours straight to get in contact with her, even calling her parents and her brother, nothing... Later that night I got a chance to talk to her, she told me I scarred her, I felt like... I talked to her with a more calm and understanding voice cause that's what I have been dying fro, an understanding. By the end I told her, what now? She said we need a break... I really thought it was over and here she is still telling me that we need a break. We made up some boundaries. The next day I took the steps needed to try and fix what just happened, I went to go see my doctor and got a pass to see a psychiatrist, I admitted that what I did was completely wrong and recognized my faults, and I decided I wanted to talk to her family and apologize for my actions, if there's any chance of getting back with her, I want to make sure everything is in place when that day comes. We agreed that we would see each other on Saturday (two days later), she still seemed scared at first and that's understandable, we had dinner together. I felt like I could breathe again, the food tasted so good, and I've never seen her look as beautiful as she did that night. We had fun, but we steered away from the issue. At the end of dinner I told her I wished this night would never end (wasn't trying to trick her into doing something else) she suggested we go to the movies. At the movies, I ended up kissing her and it felt like a first kiss, she kissed me back. On the way out I kissed her again and she kissed me back. We talked for 2 hours that night and I read a letter I had written to her earlier that day, I felt like the last few days and only felt comfort writing a letter of what I was really feeling, she cried. Yesterday I got to talk to her and she was more open to tell me how she feels about our situation, it hurt but I welcomed it.

She said that she was always trying to make other people around her happy and didn't really look out for herself, that she wants to know what she really wants, she felt like she had so much to do like clean her room, get rid of all her junk and go back to school. She said that staying this much in contact with me, which is only like two days out of the week anyway and I wait for her to call me, wasn't really helping... she tells me that I shouldn't wait for her but I asked what if I did find someone else she said it would crush her. I truly believe that we should risk it all and just try to work something out, we both owe each other that much after having such a fairytale relationship. We talked a little bit more and I wanted to make sure she got a good nights rest, I stayed on the phone till she fell asleep. Next morning she sends me a message; good morning, just wanted to make sure you slept good... hope you have a nice day. I responded and she never sent anything back...

I really don't know what to do anymore, should I just ignore her, make her look for me, make her fall in love with me again, or just try to move on... like I said before, this was such an amazing relationship, never known anyone to have one like ours, sounds a little foolish seeing that Im here, but we are still human. 4yrs down the drain, plus she is my Fiancé, it feels worst knowing that I had her so in love with me that we were almost married... help me please.

Thank you for reading this long, pathetic post. I just can't see myself without her by my side.