You don't understand and I have tried!

Im going to school, Kaplan University, Real estate Law and that's what's funny, Ive built a website, I got things going for me but this house is a huge pain. Its easy for someone to say just walk away...

I guess I don't understand what the question is anymore, you're right.

I am a little late replying to this thread, but I just wanted to point something out. You said there was no signs that she was cheating. BUt yet everyday you came home she was still in her PJ's on the internet. I bet you 1 million doll hairs that she was talking to that married man on the internet!! She got bored at home with no job, depressed, and found comfort in another man on the net! So just so u know in the future, that is a sign!

Also get your house issues fixed ASAP, don't let this wait, the longer you wait, the more you pay in the house, and the more you will have to buy her out for!

Also next time don't ever buy a house with a girl until you are married! Or already common law.
Good luck, keep it up!

If I were you, I would get some good legal advice, and make a decision based on facts. And then move forward with it.

Whatever your approach, make it sooner, rather than later, as waiting until the last minute will leave you more problems than it solves.

Or get some house mates. That's only a temporary solution, though, and you will still have to talk business with her.

Since this is no longer about love, and romance, then she has to do business with you, and if she cannot come up with her part of the contract, for whatever reason, there are legal remedies to take. Find out what they are.

There are some good experts on the legal boards to give you some ideas to get you started on a plan. Ask them.

Ive asked and they all say the same thing. Im talking to an old friend right now that is in the mortgage business. Hopefully she can pull the rabbit out of the hat. Ill let you know how that goes...

To those of you who read my original post, Im sorry. You can skip over this one if you want. I just needed to get this off my chest today so here goes...


To my lost love,


It has been four months since you left and I am still feeling pain. I have had my good days and my bad since you left but it is getting easier with time. Although I will most likely never give you this letter, I wanted you to know how I feel based on facts and not emotions. I have started thinking with my head instead of my heart and have gained a lot of perspective on life. I thought you were the best thing that ever happened to me…….

In sitting here today, I see several things that went wrong in our 3 year relationship. We moved too fast and got too comfortable with each other much too soon. I loved you from day one but that didn’t seem to be enough for you. I took you under my wing and tried to be there for you when you needed me. We had a lot of good times and I think they outweighed the bad. We didn't have our first fight until after 2 years and we made up quickly. That is why I thought you were so special. I have never met anyone like you Leeann. You were the sweetest thing. I wanted to be there with you and, for you, until the death. I beat myself up for quite some time after the ending of us, blaming myself and my drinking and not giving you your space. Feeling like I pushed you away by begging when I could have just let it be and maybe things would have worked out and you would come back to me.

The fact is that this relationship was over long before you left and that’s why it’s hard for me because I didn’t see it coming. You lost your job and became depressed, I get that. I was there for you. I supported you. I have gone through many stages throughout this whole ordeal and I’m finally in the healing stage. I went through depression because the best thing I had going for me just walked out of my life and left me alone and feeling cold. I was angry because I was seriously trying to work on my problems and every day I would come home after a hard day’s work and you would be sitting on the couch still in your pajamas on Facebook. I could tell that you had just started the laundry maybe 10-20 minutes before I got home. What the hell did you do all day? You say you applied online for 20 jobs one day and yet you never got an interview or phone call. I told you to follow up and you never did, although you said you would.

The fact is, you didn’t want to work on the relationship and that was clear. We both realized and admitted our faults and I was going to meetings working on myself and you did squat! I can only imagine you met someone on Facebook and left me for him.(even though you deny it) I know this because I logged into your Facebook account after you moved out and checked your messages.(you know this because I confronted you about it) You were talking all lovie to a married man that you went to school with. You tell me on the phone that he was after me… but why in the first place? Did you think he was going to leave his wife and come take you away from your parents house and take care of you like I did? What were you thinking? I can deal with a relationship not working out and people moving on but leaving me for a married man and lying about it, saying that we aren’t broken up you just want to move all your stuff out of the house we own TOGETHER and “go find yourself”? What a coward. Why do people do this? String you along when they know in their hearts its over. I guess I never will understand that one

Why did you lie to me? Why say you want to get your life on track, tell me you still love me and are not breaking up with me then move out? Why can't you face your problems here? Why do you need to go on a break? I have come to the realization that you are not worth my time, love, company, or emotions. You were not willing to work on the relationship and I don’t deserve that. I practically gave up my military career for you. I cussed my own mother out for you. I stood up for you. You did the opposite. You ran away. I will not let this happen again. I will find someone that wants to be with me, no matter what, and not just say it! But actually show it and do it.

I wish you the best, I truly do. And I don’t hate you for what you did to me. Your feelings changed and I realize that now. I thought you were worth it but I was lying to myself. I don’t deserve that at all. No one does. You might realize that you lost a great thing, you might not. Don’t come crying back to me because my heart, that was shattered into a billion pieces, is just about intact again and I will not allow it to be shattered again. My dog deserves my loyalty, you do not.




Do you think I'm over her? Almost I think. It feels good to say that!

I think you are getting over her. Great letter. :)

Yea, I should have written it sooner because I feel so much better now. Thanks for listening!

After I was broken up with, I wrote letters for about 2 weeks straight every night and I also would always write what I felt that day (ex. Sad, angry, lonely). Then one day I realized I hadn't written for a few days. I thought, Wow I totally forgot to even write. It was a great feeling :) After that I threw out all the letters and stuff. :)

I reckon you are doing well Newguy, I had the "want to find myself" bull too from my girl. No courage, no respect for the person you shared a relationship with :(

But you are out of it now. Keep going!

Update...

So its been 2 1/2 months since I've had ANY contact with her and today I get this email from her:

Hello,
I know I'm the last person you want to hear from, but I thought that since it's been a couple of months it'd be safe to have a normal conversation. I hope you've been doing well since we've last talked and have been taking care of yourself first and foremost. And you may not believe it, but I do think about you often and wonder how you're doing. I hope Roscoe is doing well too :) As you know, Im trying to move back to Florida. That'll probably beduring the summer... but to be able to move, we need to figure out something with the house. As rational adults. I don't want us to fight anymore. It won't solve anything, and I'd actually like to have a good relationship with you. I feel as thought enough time has passed that we can start being friendly with each other at least. :) Anyway, I know you don't want to see my name in your inbox... so I'll let you go now.



I knew this would come one day and I knew we would have to work out the house situation as adults. Im like 99% over her but not completely.

I do think we could be friends but I don't want to start talking to her and bring up those feelings again.

I know I have to respond, Im just not sure what to say or how to say it.


For those of you reading this. NC contact works for healing, it really does! We've been apart 5 months and its been 2 1/2 months NC. Had I initiated it from the beginning, I would be well over her.

The only point of discussion at this point would be her share of the mortgage she hasn't paid on, and any future arrangements to keep the mortgage paid, until the home can be sold, and the proceeds split, or split the loss.

Get your business head back in the game, and handle your business, and worry about the fluff stuff later!

Unbelievable your feelings are distracting you from the only real business you have to deal with.

Have you talked to a lawyer about the housesituation?
Get the legalities sorted.

As for the friendship,I hope you are not even considering it.

Yeah.

What is the situation?

Is her name on the mortgage?

What situation does she want to figure out?

Nice letter, but...
"As you know, Im trying to move back to Florida. That'll probably beduring the summer...but to be able to move, we need to figure out something with the house."

About her, not you. Money.

Van, Yes her name is on the mortgage. I cannot refinance because I have too much debt. We are upsidedown abouy $25k so I don't want to sell.

I got some legal advice on base but they do not specialize in realestate. I was referred to a real estate attorney and have been saving up money for a retainer. I am planning to go sometime around the 10th of this month. I should have a little extra cash by then. I am told a case like this is somewherre in the ballpark of $5-6k, and that I don't have.

I understand she is trying to be sincere but it seems she has her motive i.e. moving back to Florida.

Something tells me she will not be able to apply for credit or obtain a lease anywhere with this mortgage on her credit, so in a sense she is stuck.

That's a good motivation for you both to put your heads together, and handle your business.

Romance is dead, but its in both you're interest to handle business. This is more like a divorce, than a break up!

Tell me about it!I just want it finalized already!!

Any updates?

Yes, I went and saw a Real estate attorney on Thursday and basically told me all the same things that I had already known. We are stuck. She can technically sue me for partition but it would cost her $2500 for a retainer and she would be responsible for half of what we owe (which is somewhere around $20,000)

Basically he told me that she is the one in the tight spot as I can still afford the payments and have been doing so all along.

It does suck that this freaking house is still preventing us from moving on completely. For now... we wait till the market turns around or I can find a bank that will give me a loan.

Fingers crossed the market turns around. :-)