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gnomes7 · Nov 27, 2008, 03:30 PM

My girlfriend and I had been together for 4 months. Yesterday she said that she still has feelings for her ex who she had been together with off and on for about two years. He would leave for summers and they would break up so she is used to him leaving and then coming back to her. But now he lives in another state and they never see each other but they still talk on the phone a lot. A week ago he told her that he still loved her and she said she loved him as well. She says that she thinks about him more than me when she is not around me, but there is extremely small chance they will ever have a real relationship again. She says I treat her better but she still loves him more. I know it's logical for me to just forget about her but I love her too much.
We are going to take some time apart to see if she really loves me.
I don't know what to do.

ChihuahuaMomma · Nov 27, 2008, 03:42 PM

It sounds like she needs to organize her feelings. Do her feelings for him mean that they'll get back together eventually (to her)? Is her relationship with you worth continuing if that's the case? Is your heartache worth being put on the back burner? You love her TOO MUCH? It's been 4 months. It's going to be easier to break it off and heal after four months when you are seeing shady things, than if you get dumped for her ex after a year or two. Just move on. That's my best advice.

dave146 · Nov 27, 2008, 03:44 PM

Well, I don´t think that it is actually possible to love more than one person. Maybe she is just like, I don´t know, attracted to him, but really in love with you (or vice verca, sorry to say). I think that you should start cutting the time she spends on the phone and spend a bit more time with her and not worry too much...

That's the best I can give you.

roxypox · Nov 27, 2008, 03:58 PM

Yeah you should take some time apart!

1. she needs to chose
2. like chiuauamamma said it will be easier for you to move on now instead of in a year or so...

Besides it sounds kind of unhealthy to be in a threesome like that. For both her sake and yours. She is obviously not over him... is she really worth the pain she might\is causing you?

Best of luck
-roxy

gnomes7 · Nov 27, 2008, 04:12 PM

She says she can't decide.
I know she will never get back with him and can only hope she will lose feelings for him as time goes on since they were so close.
I really should break up with her completely, I just don't want to at all.
But if he was here she would pick him, I know that.
I guess I'll just move on. Thank you.

roxypox · Nov 27, 2008, 04:24 PM

Originally Posted by gnomes7

She says she can't decide.
I know she will never get back with him and can only hope she will lose feelings for him as time goes on since they were so close.
I really should break up with her completely, I just don't want to at all.
But if he was here she would pick him, I know that.
I guess I'll just move on. Thankyou.

It sounds like a good idea. For you to move on I mean.

I don't know about you and feelings, but for me. I might love the x like a friends... but not love him like a boyfriend once it's done and over with, that emotion fades.

If she still loves him more then she loves you then she is not over him and that will truly stop her from fully committing to you.

Besides it seems like the two of them are really good at messing with each others heads. So to remove yourself from the equation sounds like a healthy choice and a good idea.

ChihuahuaMomma · Nov 27, 2008, 04:56 PM

Originally Posted by gnomes7

I know she will never get back with him
But if he was here she would pick him, I know that.

That's contradictory. Move on. You will find someone that only wants you. Good luck, buddy!

friend4u178 · Nov 27, 2008, 05:07 PM

She's obviously thought this through and has made her mind up. What she says means nothing , her actions are what counts and she has decided to pick him.

Best bet is to move on now and don't get stuck living in the world of false hope , it just makes the healing process a lot longer and more painful.

Don't ever settle for being someone's second pick , sorry Pal.

talaniman · Nov 27, 2008, 05:36 PM

Never, but never ever, invest anything into someone who is holding on to a past love.

Your asking for trouble, and thats what you got.

pandora2 · Nov 28, 2008, 08:22 AM

Dump her, please don't wait for her to decide it will make you seem like a doormat to her and that is certainly not attractive for a female.

Don't look back, look forward,
She prob needs to heal a lot more before she is ready to move on for a real relationship

kctiger · Nov 28, 2008, 08:24 AM

Can you say... REBOUND!!

DeleteAndBan · Nov 28, 2008, 08:29 AM

Unfortunately from my own experience I can say that you should run away as fast as you possibly can.

Love is never determined by who you pick

gnomes7 · Dec 3, 2008, 05:02 AM

I stopped talking to her and she texted me yesterday saying how she misses me and none of this feels right.
I am doing well, but is this normal since I'm the rebound?
Or is her ex just manipulating her and she is confused?
She also said how she is upset and feels like I don't care anymore because I don't think being friends right now is a good idea? I just think that if things don't work out with her and her ex, (which is most likely) she wants someone to cling to, so she wants to stay close and be "friends."
Any Opinions?

DeleteAndBan · Dec 3, 2008, 05:51 AM

Very true. And let's be honest, you don't care cause its not your problem anymore.

She probably expected some big drama circus in which you try to win her back and she has to choose, just like in the movies, girls love that.

Unfortunately you did not play that game so now she is 'confused'. Aka she feels she is not as important as she thought and her ex ends up being the same guy he always was, her EX.

'none of this feels right' is just trying to stir up a storm of drama.

I wouldn't bother and continue my life.

talaniman · Dec 3, 2008, 06:04 AM

I think your right, Gnomes. Protect yourself.

gnomes7 · Dec 5, 2008, 04:33 AM

Problem is that I do care .
I haven't talked to her since, and it is hard.
I know that she made a mistake and she is going to be miserable but I feel like I should help her because I still care about her.
I know she is going to end up being miserable when things don't work out with the two of them and this is probably the only way she will ever be fixed. I just don't like sitting on the sidelines. I'm certainly not waiting for her to come back, I just hate that I did everything right and then she ruins it to go be miserable. And isn't 4 months too long for a rebound, when she actually had a rebound boyfriend anyway?

gnomes7 · Dec 5, 2008, 04:37 AM

She's just confused and he's manipulated her like he always had done. And they had been friends for a long time and he uses that against her. He always wanted her when she was with someone else and then would break up with her. I know having her realize it for herself is the best idea, but can't I just help her somehow?

talaniman · Dec 5, 2008, 08:11 AM

NO, but you can help yourself, and that's what you must do. Care for your own needs and make your own self happy without her.

lonelyplacid · Dec 6, 2008, 09:29 AM

Gnome... hope you are doing well. From my own experience, I want to advise you to stay away from her, I had the same situation and my relation continued for more than 3 years and now she says, she still can't forget him... now I am devastated and so lonely with a lot of big things around me at stake... if you also want to experience all these, think about it... 4 months is very easy to move on... years is terrible... please takecare of yourself first and find another girl who cares for you... My best wishes to you...

Datefixer · Dec 6, 2008, 11:32 AM

I've had the same problem. I told this guy that I really cared about that I liked someone else just because I was stupid. It ruined our entire relationship. We fought ever since then. We had some good times but in the end we stopped talking.