We are boh mature and 46, and have been together for just over two years. Our first years was very good, real closeness and intimacy but she is tendelly very insecure and seemed to have an obsession with past relationships despite I do not go out without her, or to pubs or clubs with my mates.
Until went more or less well until lst November when I became exasperated by her unfunded obsession and I asked for a short break up then we came back together. The same happened in January when I suggested that we spend few months apart before trying again and we were almost a month apart before we both missed each other too much. During the months of February and March I noticed her getting cold with me.
In April the great surprise. She sent me a text out of the blue saying that she needed time apart that on her own. She caught me surprise, although I noticed that things were not smoother as before she had never express such concerns to end the relationship. We then clarified again and she asked me to make some changes, She checked all my Facebook friendshps, asked me to delete some old contacts despite I explained that I do not really use facebbok.
I made all the changes she asked me and from end of May to mid July she told me that she was very happy of my efforts then suddenly one day (one month agao') she begun to pick up on me on the smallest things and found an excuse that she was upset because I was washing my hands in the kitchen (and not in the bathroom) and told me to get out of her house. I was shoked. Later on I asked some logical explanations but she gave me none.
Two and half weeks later (last week) she told that she wanted to talk to me, we spent a day together doing some DYE in her flat and had with dinner but we did not talk. We hugged and kissed each other and I had the strong feeling that she still likes me and wants me (but she did not want to spend the night together) but before I left she told me that she did not want to be contacted by calling or tetxs and the she would contact me whenever. I suggested we can only try again with some serious counseling for couples and sent her some options.
She called me briefly a couple of times during her work's lunchbreaks few days ago' saying that she also would do some research and check out my counseling options.
Then never had news from her since.
I found difficult to accept that I am left still without explanations almost one month after she told me to get out of her house..
I am left in a clueless limbo because she has hidden herself and her truth behind a wall of silence, how can silence help us and help me to understand where all it went wrong?
How can silence benefit any of us, including her?
Why a mayure woman disappear in silence when I have never disrespected her and I have always been loyal and caring?
I have been reading about the push and pull behaviour and also bipolar disorder and she seems to have quite few traits. But how to tell her?
I don't know what else to think.
I am really hurt but even more very confused by the silence and by the lack of logical explanations behind the break up.
Can any friend give me some opinions? What would you do?

'I have always been loyal and caring?'
Not really. You took two breaks that YOU instigated, and even said they should be 'a few months,' regardless of the fact that they were less.
Just because she pulls away differently and just because it hurts you when it's happening to you doesn't make her bipolar or anything neurotic. Maybe she's found someone else, or maybe she is just tired of it all, and no longer in love, or maybe she realizes that she is too jealous and can't handle it.
When a relationship fails, you can certainly blame it on the other person's shortcomings (why not, it helps you get over it), or you can say that it wasn't a good match, and you had your problems too, and you have learned a few things for next time.

Sounds like she wanted a break and went to find reasons, tried to get you to leave, to make it "your fault" sounds very common behavior.

Has anyone been in a similar story where the relationship end up without a real explanation and you don't know exactly why?

Thank you for your opinion. Of course you are right, there are always faults from both sides. I did cause the previous break up because she put me under pressure with all sort of accusations (such for example that I was still emotionally attached to the previous girlfriend before her) but I assure you that I have never doubted my feeling for her for one moment against any other woman. I had and have only her in mind at all times.

The reasons for the previous break up were the strong obsession she had for my ex-relationships despite I have never given her any reason to be jealous and my frustration after more than one year of attempts to reassure her that she had nothing to be concerned or worried about. For long trime I tried with calm and patience but then no explanations seemed to work against her insecurity.

I suppose that if someone is continually accused for something he or she doesn't do can get very difficult at some point. I tried everything to reassure her that I had no baggage or any sort of attachment to any of my previous relationships but nothing seems to work.

Then why telling me that she was heppy of my changes in the last two months (never a quarrel or complaint) and suddenly telling me 'get out of my house' and break up without an explanation?

Would you think that the complete lack of expalanation and silence can be really harsh for the other person as if the other person does not have feelings?

Few sincere words with the real reasons of what it has not worked would help me and (maybe her as well) to move on peacefully and with dignity for both of us.

Don't you think so? The silence is simply destructive for the other side.

Of course it would be nice if she had been nice about it, and explained, and so on, but that just doesn't happen very often.
You have expectations that you need to drop. We can't expect much (if anything) from anyone except ourselves. If you are married and have the responsibility of children, then it's reasonable to 'expect' certain things. But even then there are no promises, no guarantees, nothing.
You also need to drop the idea that just because you have a 'good' reason for the TWO (not 1) breaks you took from her, that means they don't count when you are claiming to be always loyal.

3rd August 2013 -
I can't stop loving her without any sort of logical explanation of why it seems all finished.
Four weeks ago she sent me a message the filled my soul with joy “I am thinking of you, I love you”.
I was happy and proud that all the efforts I put since we came back were being appreciated by her and producing good results and vibes between us.
Nothing much that I am aware of happened between her nice message and the silly quarrel we had in her kitchen when suddenly she told me 'get out of my house'.
The evening before we were peaceful.

Now her chosen road is retreating and hiding behind her wall of silence.
So I can't make sense of what happened and is happening now between us.
Is silence the best road to take right now?
Is it fair on the receiving person?
How is possible that she don't see that silence can be so hurtful when all it was necessary from her is few frank words of what hasn't worked for us?

Then why telling me that she was happy of my changes in the last two months (never a quarrel or complaint) and then suddenly 3 weeks ago' telling me 'get out of my house' and break up without an explanation?

Was a quarrel so important to make it all end like this?

Would she consider that a complete lack of explanation and silence can be really harsh?

No matter how much I tried to find any mistake or act of disrespect from me as I am sure I have been, genuine, respectful and loyal at any time and so I can't find a precise meaning for her silence or maybe I can find 1000 reasons?

Who knows what there is behind her wall of silence?!

Almost a month after our quarrel in her flat and still she has not given even few words of explanation and basically, I still don't know why we split up.

This lack of logical reasons is very difficult to take in.

I can't find a positive meaning and a value for her silence as she is preferring to keep the truth for herself as if the other person does not exist, was no affected by her choice or does not have feelings

Can't she see that she is hurting unnecessarily someone who loves and respect her?

Why hiding the truth it from the very person who loves you?

Why not have the courage to say the few true words and say what need to be told?

How silence is meant to help us or the other person to undertstand why a two year story between a mature man and woman is ended like this?

How can silence be better than dialogue?

Silence has pushed me in a clueless limbo where I have no idea why the woman I know is doing this, I have no idea of what is going on with her, with us and no clear idea why we reached this stage so I can't make sense of what's going on.

Few sincere words with the real reasons of what it has not worked would help me and (maybe her as well) to move on peacefully with respect and with dignity for both of us.

Am I really asking too much?

~ I can't stop loving you ~

~ I wish you happiness and peace now and forever wherever the road of your life may take you. ~

~ I will never hate you as I was born to love you. ~

These are all either:
- rhetorical questions
- questions to ask her, which you can't do now, because she won't let you, and there's not a thing you can do about it.

I would make a wild guess that she is torn so she feels that it is best to make a clean break. You do have a tendency to think in terms of yourself. You love her, so therefore she should love you, drop her neurotic insecurities about past relationships, and come back to you when you 'take breaks' because she's too neurotic or bipolar for you? That's sort of 'I love you but you have to act according to my terms of what is normal.'
And if she can't love you anymore, she owes you an explanation?
You sort of plod along with this logic, despite the fact that life doesn't happen the way you want, and doesn't follow rules.

LOVE is neither LOGICAL nor FAIR.

... These are all either:
- rhetorical questions
- questions to ask her, which you can't do now, because she won't let you, and there's not a thing you can do about it.

I would make a wild guess that she is torn so she feels that it is best to make a clean break. You do have a tendency to think in terms of yourself.
***No idea of why you think so but I accept your comment.

You love her, so therefore she should love you, drop her neurotic insecurities about past relationships, and come back to you when you 'take breaks' because she's too neurotic or bipolar for you?
*** well... maybe I should explain better the accusations she was able to invent and throw over me before to give you an idea... I assure you that I did not like the idea of leaving for breaks and I did not do it lightly but only when my health was beginning to be affected by her obsession... I did not do it happily if you understand what I mean...

That's sort of 'I love you but you have to act according to my terms of what is normal.' And if she can't love you anymore, she owes you an explanation?

***well, if you really love someone you should try always to be frank especially at the end, for yourself and for the other person, so my hart tells me it is right

You sort of plod along with this logic, despite the fact that life doesn't happen the way you want, and doesn't follow rules. LOVE is neither LOGICAL nor FAIR...

****I cannot agree more, life is a beautiful challenge and love is neither logical or fair, true true, words of wisdom...

... am I still stupid and crazy to love her?

Of course you are stupid and crazy, that's why all the songs say 'I'm a fool for love.'
You are no different from anyone else, basically, just with variations. As we all are.
I've been through the gut wrenching pain, the blow to the stomach, the elephant standing on my chest so I can't breathe. The end of the world, the end of love, the end of life. The endless sleeplessness, the endless endlessness. Who hasn't?
We get dumped without rhyme or reason. We want reason. We want a rational world.
The human animal struggles to be rational, but is still ruled by the same adrenaline and testosterone and estrogen and so on that got him through a short existence as a proto-human.

Just noticed your two responses to others in similar situations!
GREAT answers. I gave you a greenie. Could only give one because they are limited by the site.

Cool comment... I may begin eating tons of celery to increase my testosterone pheromons in case we (me and her) meet to talk then... a nature trick or so they say...

Jokes apart I respect her silence even if if it hurt as want her to have space to try to clear her mind... without my calls or texts... just try to use wisdom and not resentment... an inner battle within myself that I want to win using wisdom as much as I can... and I want to learn from this life experience... whatever it may be...

Thank you dear friend,

I appreciate your frankness, a rare skill today

Today was a big battle for me... I tried to cheer myself up in any way, went to see a good old friend, ride my motorbike in the summertime, went on for a 15 miles pedalling hard on bicycle along the river with my friend... got a nice ice-cream... and then ride back home... so her flat from the road while driving... never talked bad about her... my friend knows I still have many feelings for her... so done mi best to be cheerful... not always succeeded as she came often in my mind and I still love her so much but life goes on and I must accept her silence, have compassion of her and myself and move on gracefully, if we are meant to be together then we will be back and again time will tell...

My sadness is great like my sorrow and I miss her so much.

But I am determined to stay strong

I will stay in silence and will not text or call her and I am determined to learn whatever I must learn from this story

I wish she can also think clear and see what she is doing and learn from it

I only wish her happiness and I hope that whatever will happen to us I pray for the happiness of both of us

It's OK - healthy even - to be hurt and angry.
Don't wish her too much happiness or the sadness will turn into depression.
Your friends are supposed to say 'How could she be so mean?' and 'You deserve better' and so on, just to get you past the worst part of the hurt.

Thank you for your kind response,

I am certainly hurt but I am eradicating any anger to respect her and feel compassion for her as a person, as a woman and not only as ex-boyfriend and lover.

I only sent her positive vibes and love while I focus on my daily life and challenges

I wish her to be happy with or without me, it makes me feel better and clean in my feelings,

I feel like Forrest Gump, his love was pure and never ended despite what happened to him he stayed loyal to his feelings

Another hard day.

The sunset time and the evening are the worst moments in which I feel restless and I really miss her to bits.

Right now I am just wishing her happiness and mine regardless.

I still keep my silence, no calls no texts as she asked me to. I keep on respecting her request to leave her time to think with no pressures from me.

I keep on changing idea on what to do.

This evening I (maybe) decided that I will keep my silence for another week or so and then ask for a short meet up for a honest and respectful closure of our 2 years story.

But does it mean that she wants me to initiate the contact and chase her?

Should I just leave her alone now? Has she moved on?

If she's moving on, why did she say we should meet up and talk and why allowing me to kiss and hug her?

It's like she's giving me hope that we will meet up and be together again. But at the same time she's avoiding me now.

Is this one a mind game? I'm really lost & confused.

Please give me your views guys and girls

Thank you.

Leave her alone. No Contact.

Thank you for your opinion Wondergirl and advise.

I understand that in some cases time alone and apart can make a person to think better to what's going on for themselves and the relationship.

But for me is different different as I am unable to make sense of why suddenly we are apart and why we are not talking as I have no idea of why we split up because she gave me no clues that she was unhappy since when we came back together 3 months ago' in May and after our break up 10 days ago' she did not give me any logical reason for the time apart othe than saying 'how can we see if miss someone if we do not spend time apart?'.

On contrary she gave me good feedback and she said more than one time that she was very happy with the changes since we came back and then the sudden quarrel and break up without any explanation.

Don't you think that any person owes at least few honest words from the one who wants to stop a two years serious relationship to explain why it didn't or it doesn't work?

This is what makes me unable to review any possible mistakes I may have done and all the other 'mixed signals' (she still kissing and hugging me until a week ago') make me very very confused.

Only she knows why we are in this situation and this is hurting very much.

At the moment I am keeping nice and silent with 'no contact' as she ask me. She said she would call me and so I wait calmly.

Have you or anyone been is a similar situation before where the relationship ended and you do not have a clear idea of why because the person who left gave no real explanations?

Yup, several times (one relationship had lasted nearly six years). I never got closure (as you call it), but by maintaining no contact, I allowed myself to move ahead with my life and not spin my wheels, waiting for some glorious reunion to occur. Also, I refused to be a yo-yo, bouncing back and forth into and out of some imaginary relationship with the ex who was doing the same thing to his new girlfriend.

What you did wrong was hit your head against a brick wall, (a break, twice), and then expect the third break, to change your situation with her. How many times does one have to hit their head against a brick wall, to know that the fourth time is going to be the same as the others.

There was nothing changing between any of those breaks, of significance.

Time together heals conflicts, not apart.

What you did right was suggest couples counseling (and backed it up with solid information).

I think it is in your best interest to buy a bottle of aspirin, and, accept that the pain of this relationship, is over.

When you set your mind to realizing that the relationship is over, then the ping pong of repeated attempts to reconcile will be over, and you can move on with your life.

Move on. She had her reasons and felt it easier to just leave. Trying to figure things out -especially why someone did what they did will drive you insane

Yes, the closure can be very important and not only for the one who is left but, in long term, also for the one who leaves without a word...

... one day they will inevitably experience the same (karma) and they will be forced to acknowledge how much they hurt someone else' feelings... if they will learn to change and behave better and frankly they can only feel better about themselves too so everybody gains from learning...

It was good you refused to be in competition and be a yo-yo, it's also a matter of dignity and respect (self-respect I mean)

Any one else has been in the same situation?

Any other story of a break up without words, explanation or understanding of why it really finished with your girlfriend or boyfriend?