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    richard2690's Avatar
    richard2690 Posts: 14, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 19, 2009, 01:28 AM
    my girlfriend left me after 3 and half years together.
    Ok this is where I'm at. Me and my ex broke up 3 weeks ago we lived together for 2 and half years and even got two cats and a joint account. I'm now 27 and she is 25 We met off a dating site and met up the same night we started talking. Anyway at the start I was just having fun with her and didn't really want more and some times I would not text or call for a week and she would be calling or txting asking if I was still alive. She started to stay at mine place with my family I fort was mad as I had a big family and it was a mad house with kids dog and cats.lol So we uesd to get hotel room to have fun I was cool with it all until she started telling me about her past and how many men she slept with didn't really want to hear that. 3 to 4 months past by and we spent all most every day together calling txting I started to fall for her but not too much. We went anyway on holiday to greece to her mums place it was cool and her mum said that she could see how happy we where. After the hoilday.
    I met some of her friends and one of the guys where a lot older then her like 20years older and met her when she was 16. I fort this was abit wired but he seemed like a nice guy and she liked him so it was cool with me after some drinks and the night comeing to the end I went to the toilet and was followed in by this older guy and said my girlfriend is a lovely girl and knows how to have good sex. Ok why did he just say that? This hurt me I didn't say anything back to him. I was in a mood all the way home thinking to myself what was she really like? She sleeping with everyone it was hurting as I really satrted to fall for her. That night we where I bed and she asked what was wrong with me and that I was off with her. I asked if she slept with that older guy she started crying and said no and said who do you think I am? We sorted it out after a chat after I dumped her.

    We have now been together for a year we moved into flat first time for me moving in with a girlfriend. This was all wired for me she had lived with a guy before me so she was uesed to it. Thing where good we did have small fights over not much but made up after a chat. Things where still playing on my mind about her and what she had been up to in the past and was eating me. I know past is past. But I was trying to work her out who she really was because I don't think I know who she was really.
    Ok end of the year went to work party I got drunk got a cab home with a girl from work and we where emailing on are blackberrys in the cab as there where others with us. I was asking her to get with me behind my girlfriends back this was for my owen ego and to see what she would say back. I didn't fancey her or want to get with her anyway she didn't want to do anything with me behind someone's back. Next morrning I woke and deleted the emails and sad sorry to the girl from work about them.
    Ok 2weeks later I was on nights I get a call from my girlfriend asking if there was another girl and if I was cheating. I really didn't know what she was going on about until she said the girls name and that she saw my emails. I didn't wipe them from deleted emails.
    I tried to lie but I couldn't it was all there in black and white. She asked why I did it I told her I wanted to see what the girl would say back to me.
    She never dumped me and we made up but sex was not the same and she never wanted it.
    I gave her a hard time with other stuff like where she wanted to move to when we looked at moving. 6months have past now and we moved. The new place was OK but needed a new boiler that was fix when I was sleeping as I was on nights and they kept me up all day and I had to do another night shift. My girlfriend returned home I was tired and in a mood 36hrs no sleep. On way to work I text telling her it was over she agreed good. She wanted me to move out. Next day I wanted her back she said no she stopped loving me. I started packing my things and she stopped me and we talked and made up.
    3moths past we moved to a lovely cottage Things where good but I then lost my job in June 2009. I found a new one thanks to my girlfriend 2weeks into the job I was asked to go to one of the guys leaveing drinks I told my girlfriend and she was cool with it. I got drunk and didn't get home till 3am.
    Next morning my girlfriend looked upset I asked what was wrong she said she can't do it anymore what? I asked. Us she said. ''To much has happened we have tried I have tried I can't go on like this anymore. Its not normal for me not wanting sex"
    She started crying. And said "you want kids and to get marryed I can't see that"
    I was shocked as she was only saying the other day she had her kids names and if we had kids this it what they will be called.
    We talked and this was OK but things where not the same.
    2weeks has past she was really off with me being rude snaping at me for the smallist things. Then the text (its not working its over)
    she did this when I was on my way to work I was hurting didn't go home that night got hotel turned my phone off. Ddnt see her for 2days I text next night letting her know I was OK. She text back (thanks for letting me know.x)
    Next day I saw her about 5pm she smelt of booz bad. Not like her to drink all night we talked she said her mind is made up and its over and that the past doesn't matter as she has gone past all that and even if the things didn't happen like me emailing the girl it would have still ended. She said she doesn't love me anymore. She was fighting back the tears.
    She asked me to move out and I said give me a week to find somewhere she was OK with that and she stayed at her dads for the week.
    She looking at traveling the world and is going out every Friday night and meeting guy mates and going to partys and stuff and caping at gigs. Letting her hair down. I think its great she is doing this I'm also seeing mates and stuff.

    I've now moved out but we talk and stuff but over text. At the start it was all about stuff I needed to cancel and changing the name on the bills.
    She asks how I am and if I'm OK now and asked if I need anything like towels and stuff.
    yesterday I asked if she wants to met for a drink sometime?
    she said yes but not till next month. This is where I have left it. She was my best friend and we spent everyday together for the 3 and half years.
    She could do and say anything to me she even farts around me and says silly things to me. She would phone just to say she loves me. Does she really still love me? Or is this it? She was is my best friend.

    Rich
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #2

    Aug 19, 2009, 01:44 AM
    Loves or not any relationship where its break up make up break up is not a true loving caring relationship.go N C find out who YOU are and what you want and need in your life.
    richard2690's Avatar
    richard2690 Posts: 14, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Aug 19, 2009, 01:47 AM

    What N C?
    zippit's Avatar
    zippit Posts: 693, Reputation: 117
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    #4

    Aug 19, 2009, 01:51 AM

    Sure rich she still loves you.
    If you two decided to get back together you would need to make a plan of first forgiving and forgetting ALL past never to be brought up again not in anger not EVER
    Than plan to be more devoted to each other
    That's if she wants a relationship if she just
    Wants TO BE FRIENDS I would say move on you have already put in three good years and if you want to be married with kids well your not getting any younger.As far as the older friend <scumbag> he might have been just trying to get in your head if she is STILL friends with him it would be a big RED FLAG for me thanks for the post
    richard2690's Avatar
    richard2690 Posts: 14, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Aug 19, 2009, 03:10 AM

    No she is not friends with him anymore he wasn't a safe man for kids if you know what I ean.
    eduman12's Avatar
    eduman12 Posts: 13, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Aug 19, 2009, 03:25 AM

    I would say kill her with kindness. Love is a four letter word. It is the actions of a loving partner that make a difference. I have learned this the hard way.
    I too, once would worry about women's past and if they had others better than me. It was my personal goal to be the best at everything. What I learned was this what is important ot men is not always so important to women, but realizing that true love is knowing my pleasures are not worth her pain. For we as men are pleased very easily, some with sex, some with food, and some with achieving. We change our desires as we conquar new areas or new things, but the pain we can cause will last unless we realize that we and I do mean you are a worthy person. You and that girl shared time and that will garentee that she loves you to, people are not heartless, but know that loving you has caused her some pain too. You need to make amends because you love her and you want her to know you always will, she will forgive you easier now that you are not together. Expect the worst and anything better is a blessing
    richard2690's Avatar
    richard2690 Posts: 14, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Aug 19, 2009, 03:34 AM

    Should I N C her?
    zippit's Avatar
    zippit Posts: 693, Reputation: 117
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    #8

    Aug 19, 2009, 03:38 AM

    I'm not a big fan of N.C.
    I think if two people can talk without a bunch of argueing which it sounds like you can do than what does it hurt you have history together as long as it doesn't send you down a bad road,what I'm saying is if you want more and she doesn't I wouldn't waste much more time on her
    richard2690's Avatar
    richard2690 Posts: 14, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Aug 19, 2009, 04:07 AM
    Girlfriend of 3 and half years finished with me 3weeks ago is she coming back to me?
    Hi this is my 2nd post ill keep it short. OK we had are ups and downs in the past and a lot went on and I don't think she got over some stuff. She was my best friend we lived together and spent everyday together she would do thinks like when its my birthday she would call my mates and tell them to go to club or a fun park and surprise me with it every time. Buy me gifts and kiss me when I was sleeping if she went to work early. Always want a kiss from me hold my hand. Fart in front of me walk around naked in front of me shower together. Talk about if we had kids there names and stuff. She told me she wasn't happy anymore she started saying that 2months ago but it was always when she was comeing the time of month so I took it as that.
    Then one night she was being rude and cold to me and next morning she told me it was over and that she tried. She said its been along time comeing and she said I know thinks where not right as she didn't want to sleep with me. She finished with me last year but I saw she wrote to her friend she loves and miss me and we got back together.
    But this time non of that all she is doing is going out with anyone she can drinking a lot and even at home when she never did she hated it.

    She still text me to see if I'm OK and how things going and still wants met in a months time. She told a friend she didn't want to be with anyone or have one night stands she wants to be on her own and have go out and have fun.

    She was fighting back the tears when she said she didn't love me anymore and didn't feel the same about me.

    She telling everyone how she loves being at home by herself and wants to travel the world and she can do so much and it's a new start in her life. She can't even aford living in the cottage by herself she is not being herself. I still love her loads but I'm unsure what to do I don't call or text I said we are friends and I want her to be happy.

    She said she stayed with me because she didn't want to hurt me like 2years and moving in together getting a joint account together and cats. She tries to act hard on the outside but inside I think she must be hurting. I fell she needs to find out for herself who I really was for her before we met she had no home she owed money didn't like her job was in to smoking weed. Now she if free of all that. Good job home and stopped smoking.

    Anyone tell what I should do. Do you think she will be back?

    Rich
    richard2690's Avatar
    richard2690 Posts: 14, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Aug 19, 2009, 04:10 AM

    Yer N C didn't sound to good as there is guys out there that get back together and marry and are happy. Everyone one has a chance its how you deal with. I'm a really nice guy and don't like fighting or making someone do something they don't want to.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #11

    Aug 19, 2009, 04:57 AM

    She sounds like she doesn't know what she wants and is conflicting what she does with what she wants and who she is.
    Right now the worst thing she can do is drag you back into her conflict. She doesn't sound like she is even ready for a boyfriend and if she sees you again it is going to confuse her and you even more.
    eduman12's Avatar
    eduman12 Posts: 13, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    Aug 19, 2009, 05:56 AM

    If you N C her it will be easier and less painful for you to move on. Think about it, if she calls and there is some guy in the back ground talking to her or you hear her having a good time with other people and laughing, but broke up with you because she was miserable, then I think you are going to hurt more. Instead, don't call her, but if she calls you be as coool as possible, ask her if she is OK and if there is anything she needs, is there something you can do for her. Then get off the phone, do not be a mean person, but be a mans, man. If she wants to meet up for drinks let her know you would love too, but you need to figure something's out for yourself and ask her if she wouldn't mind waiting a couple of weeks.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,234, Reputation: 10853
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    #13

    Aug 19, 2009, 10:05 AM
    Sorry guy, but you must leave her alone, and stop taking her calls, and go strict NC (No Contact) with her, as you both are really attached together, but need to break that attachment.

    I think she has made it plain she wants something different than what you wants, and needs the freedom to do it.

    You have to leave her alone, for the good of you both, because her feelings have changed about you, and you need to accept it. Its for the best of you both, even though it sucks, and hurts like hell. It hurts her, too.

    Anything less will only prolong the pain, and agony of this break up, and spoil any friendship you may have in the future. Neither of you is ready for that, as you must both deal with your own individual feelings now, to heal, and get healthy emotionally.
    Bassfalah's Avatar
    Bassfalah Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Mar 27, 2012, 08:43 PM
    Hello richard! So what ended happening with u guys? Happy ending?

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