Ok... I bet everyone here has probably read similar things before; but here I go:

Been going out with my girlfriend for 5 years... prior to that we were friends for 4 (9 years we have know each other - we are both 32)

Ive been having problems with depression the last 3 years that I denied myself up until 6 months ago. I lost many friends because they didn't agree with me going out with my girlfriend (her ex was a mate of mine), my parents of 27 years got divorced and all moved away (including my brother and sister), so I was left pretty much all by myself where I live, so my girlfriend had to deal with my mood swings of depression and anger.

We hadn't had sex the last 2 years or so... I was turning her down because I was feeling so low about myself, unfortunately my communication with her in the emotional side was not great.

18 months ago we bought a place together in the hope thins would start feeling better. Unfortunately I had very bad kidney stones or which I required 4 operations and my girlfriend had 10 inches removed of her intestine (all this the first 7 months in our new house). On top of that my girlfriends step-dad had cancer as well, which ended up being terminal. Luckily he is still alive but we don't know for how long. So as you can see we have had rough times outside of our relationship.

I made a terrible mistake last year after my girlfriends operation. I booked a tikcet to see my mother in Barcelona for 10 days as I only get to see her twice a year. My girl friends op was just before that but she was told it was going to be a minor op and that she would be back up in 2 days. On the day of the op they said it would be changed to a big operation (10 inches of intestine removed). When she finally came out I was due to leave 2 days after but she was feeling very much under the weather still... I said to her that I would stay behind if she wanted but she said that I had to go as I don't see my mum that much. I asked 100 times and each time she said no. When I was out there I rang her twice a day.

That was the catalist to me being dumped. In September '08 she said she wanted to finish it... but we spoke and she said she will see how things go. She said that because I left her byherself in the hour of her need and I went to Spain than she could not trust me. Also the fact that we hadn't had sex for such a long time... that she had convinced herself to block her emotions of passion so that she wouldn't get upset of getting turned down. That's when I realised that I had been emotionallly depressed for a long time but refused to accept it. For the next few months I made the effort of a life time and I have to say we had a great time together... we did try being passionate but she said she found it hard to de-block her passion. She was scared to trust me fully again because she couldn't take rejection again and that's why she couldn't open up to me.

We went to Venice in November (both got bitten 20 times by mossies) and Madrid for New Years. Lovely times.

Come January she went down to visit a friend but when she came back she was a different person. I know she poored her heart out to her mate (female) and her mate basically said that I should sleep in sepearte rooms until things got sorted (I saw an e-mail on her laptop - hence why I know this). On and off I slept in the separate room but we were better than ever... we cuddeled every night together on the sofa... we went out all the time.

In April her mother got married to her step father as he has terminal cancer (will and all that), I was the photographer and we all had a great time. She said to me that after the wedding she would start thinking about what would happen in our relationship.

Week after she said that she was going away for 2 weeks to baby sit a mates house to give us a break and see how things go. On the last week running up to before she left it was one of the best weeks we had ever had... yes, sex was still missing, but there was no more separate rooms, every night on the sofa together, cooking together, gym togther... pretty much everything (very much how it had been the last few months).

On the day she was leaving we went up to London to a mates birthday for Sunday pub lunch... we were very close, cuddeled together all the way on the train there and back... kissing... she even told people in the pub that we were going to Barcelona this summer together (tickets I had already bought).

Just before she went I helped her pack her stuff for 2 weeks... we both went outside we both said we loved each other, kisssed she smiled and left in her car...

... 6 days later on the Saturday she rang me up that she had thought about it and that she didn't think it would work. I asked if there was anyone else between and she said that some guy had asked her out (over that period of 6 days she had been away) at work and that she was thinking over going for a drink with him. I asked her if she was dating him and she said no, it was only a drink she was going to go with him this week... and because she was interested meant that she couldn't be with me. She said I am her best friend... loves me, but not "in-love" with me, and that she really cares for me very much.

After the conversation she asked me to call her the next day and we have been contacting each other now for 5 days solid... either phone call, text or e-mail. Not saying much just friendly conversation but she does know that I want her back (she told me she knows).

We have a beautiful home together... we've had a strong bond together since the day we met (she said I should have asked her out instead of my friend initially)... her family loves me, my family thought we were getting on better than we had ever been. I know we still have issues to resolve but there must be something I can do. She still hold onto things that upset her 2 or 3 years ago and still made her cry every time she brought it up.

Any advice?

One last thing I want to add...

Before these 5 years we went out, we did go out for 6 months although we both classed it as unofficial as she had just left my mate and it was hard for both of us (hence why I lost contact with many mates). We broke up for a month and a half because of arguments we had but she had a similar attitude as she has now (I.. e: being stubborn about us getting back and saying there was no hope between us)... but I won her heart back... flowers, letters, I did the lot... it worked in the end when we crossed paths outside our gym and we sat down to talk. I wonder if it will be possible again.

The funny thing is... if you had seen us these past few months together you would not have even thought we were on the verge of breaking up. Even my mum said she had not seen us so happy together.

Leave her alone to evaluate what she has to. Not easy, as you have been together a rather long time, but I think space is what she needs, and that's what you must give her.

You can't win her back. You can only push her away. Don't contact her for a while and get your life back on track without her. She made it clear you're just her best friend and not her lover. Can you be just her friend without hurting?

Threads merged

Been dumped by my girlfriend of 5 years (she is seeing someone else) so a few weeks later I asked out this girl at work.

Initially when I asked her (via e-mail) she didn't reply to my question asking her out, as she saw on my Facebook profile that I was still seeing my ex. I then told a mate of hers that I was single in conversation (she told the her), and she replied by saying that she would love to go for a drink.

On the day we were meant to go she asked of we could go for dinner as well... and of course accepted. So we went for drinks and dinner (of course I paid all) and we had an amazing time talking. We were in the restaurant till mid-night, we were the last ones there. I said I had to head home to catch a train and that I could walk her home... she then said I could stay at her mums flat with her, but that I had to stay in the spare room. Went back to her mums (she was away) and we stayed up till pat 5am talking... yes we kissed as well, but we did talk a lot. We had loads in common and it went really good. Next day we sat down and spoke for more (and the kissed and a couple of cuddles). I asked her that morning if she wanted to go to the cinema and she said yes. She was seeing her sister that afternoon (who by the way was trying to call her while I was in the flat to get the gossip), and some friends that evening but could make the cinmea the next day.

So I left, sent her a text couple of hours later saying that I had a great evening and was looking forward to see her the next day.

Anyway... 4 hours later she sent a text that she had a great night as well but for the moment she wanted to be friends (and hoped I was OK with that), but that we could meet up for a drink sometime soon if I wanted.

Next day we had a text conversation as to how she was and what we were doing (started by myself texting her).

So... me being out of the circuit for 5/6 years just wanted to see if she was giving me a hint that friends was all that she wanted of if she wants things to go slowly. I did think that maybe when she saw here sister she saw that on my Facebook it still said that I was going out with my ex, and maybe she told her to play it cool... I don't know. BTW I have now updated my profile saying that I am single.

P.S.: I did say o her that I wasn't going out with my ex (and moved out), and that I would update my status soon with single. She said that it was up to me what I wanted to do... this was in conversation the next morning.

Well if she has not yet seen or yet say she wants to be more than friends then she probably only wants to be friends. Then again she could have thought you were having mixed feelings. Maybe you should ask her how she feels again and then tell her how you feel about her and once maybe that if she nos how you truelly felt about her then maybe she might not think you have the mixed feelings for her and your ex. Let me no if that works or not k.

She was reluctant to start with to go for a date because of my Facebook status... wish I had updated it sooner. She did seem keen and we got on like a house on fire. I mean when I was leaving she asked me back to her place... I was leaving to go home and I was shocked when she asked me to come back with her.

Something that I did forget to say was that she had been seeing this guy for a month but she told me that evening that it was going nowhere with him and that she wanted interested.

Personally I think she is afraid of being the "rebound girl"
Knowing that you have only recently parted with your long term girlfriend and still had your status as taken it sounds like she is being respectful to your feelings.

Give her time. Accept her offer for drinks, only time can tell what will happen.
Don't hold out all hope... but don't lose it either :)

In a way that's what I'm hoping... she did say she was going to see her sister that afternoon as she wanted an update on me (at least she was honest) and maybe when she showed her my Facebook (we are connected via facebook) she might have seen that I STILL has my status as if I was going out with my ex that same afternoon after I had left her. I updated it yesterday to single... I hope that does show her that I truly am single and see's that I do like her. As I said I did text her last night and we had a text conversation... I did it mainly to show her that I did still like her and was thinking of her. I hope she has seen my status of that one of our mates (we have mutual work friends) would have told her.

I am sorry, but the Facebook deal has gotten a bit out of control. People who base decisions upon a "status" on Facebook need to get a grip on reality. What is the point of having anything regarding your relationship status on there anyway? I have mine as unlisted. It isn't anyone's business!

Well that might just keep hope and like the other person said she might not like being the rebound girl bt then again she could have thought you were dating your ex at the same time trying to date her. She might have thought you were playing her and your ex.

I see your point... but the fact it did (that I can't get away with)... maybe she thought (or her sister) that ihad not let go... and hence being friends for the moment (as she put). I mean (and tell me if I'm wrong) she wouldn't have asked if to do for another drink if she didn't want anything. We had gotten off with each other that night...

... I'm just not good at judging girls and what they mean.

At the end of the day I suppose all I want to know if this is a way to tell a guy that there is nothing in it, and politely asks for a drink to not cause anything bad as we work in the same office (which by the way I'm leaving in 4 weeks time) or she is saying that she wants to take things slow and is showing insterest by asking me out for some drinks again.

Maybe... Ive updated my status now to single. I did say to her that I was the one dumped (the same she was a couple of months ago from her long term boyfriend)... and that my girlfriend had moved out, i.e.: that I live by myself.

Don't know what to do next... don't want to push her away but at the same time I want to show that I am interested.

She might be interested you and might want to take it slow. I hope everything works out. Oh I'm a girl and yea some girls do think if they had a great time then they see your Facebook page and see it say you still going out with your ex then it might seem to them that you played them and there trying to see if you will do it again by saying lets be friends for now.

I mean what rocked me back was the fact that all this happened (she asking me back, talking till 5am)... im pretty good telling when things are not right but it went really well, and she sent me a text saying that.

Ok I've not had a first date in years but still...

"tryin to see if you will do it again"... what do you mean?

She's being smart man, think about it. No one likes getting hurt, rebounds usually always end up with someone hurt, as in all break ups. So she wants to take things slow and see how they go. Take a step back and make sure you are ready to get involved.

I hope you are right man...

Am I ready?. yes I am. She is great and I have learnt from past experiences with girls... I'm wiser now than I was 5 years ago. It would be a shame if nothing comes out of it because I will make the effort. I hope she will see that.

Take it slow, love isn't a sprint, it's a marathon. Pace yourself