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andrewextreme · Feb 18, 2011, 08:15 AM

So there is no end to how wrong it is that this went down. I'll go into details if anyone wants to know.

My question is this - Since I've been through so much bull**** already & I need her rent money - should I use this as an opportunity?

I'm moving away to college in 6 months anyway. In other words, what's done is done - it's not going to get better with us, so should I use this as an opportunity to train my slutty girlfriend to be sexier and capitalize on free lap dances?

answerme_tender · Feb 18, 2011, 08:19 AM

Well after reading your post and how you just want approval for using your girlfriend for financial and sexual gain---my response is:

THOSE WHO LIVE IN GLASS HOUSES SHOULD NOT THROW BRICKS!! Nor should they get too comfortable up on the judgemental pedastal, its very easy to fall off and go BOOM with nobody around who cares enough to help them back up!!

andrewextreme · Feb 18, 2011, 08:22 AM

In other words - I should take advantage of it? Don't get me wrong - at one point, even now I am head over heels for this girl. However, before this even happened there were at least 3 major occasions that we should have agreed to end it.

joypulv · Feb 18, 2011, 08:33 AM

Sure, see if you can get a choke collar around her neck and 'train' her.

If this is hide-the-hurt macho, you have no right to even be hurt. You are LEAVING.

andrewextreme · Feb 18, 2011, 08:40 AM

I don't know what it is. All I know is that it hurts either way. I can acknowledge that I shouldn't be with her anymore, but I'm not ready to be alone. The timing is really bad. I need rent money because I'm fiscally responsibly obligated. I have so many things I need to accomplish before I leave for school in 6 months that I can't handle any more obstacles like figuring out how to not dig myself deeper into debt & not having someone to embrace when I'm lonely.

answerme_tender · Feb 18, 2011, 08:54 AM

Andrew,

You are done with the relationship from reading your post. But, what I am saying is due to you being open about that you need someone--not necessarily her, but someone to help with financial responsibilities and just a warm body for you to hold is just as selfish as any of her reason are to want to strip for a living.

I guess when you leave for school that you take that time to also grow as an individual. Iam talking in the perspective of not having to depend on someone else to be able to make your rent. To be happy and secure enough with yourself to know that being alone doesn't mean being lonely.

Oh and one more thing, if you don't want to be stuck in a relationship with a woman that you cannot be proud of, then perhaps you need to date ladies who maynot be interested in this kind of life style for a career. Perhaps you need to see beyond the surface looks to really get to know a lady!!

Take care

adviceishere · Feb 18, 2011, 09:05 AM

This is just my opinion on myself, not trying to belittle any women who choose to do this type of job, but if I were to become a stripper I would have to be very desperate for money and in a lot of debt because I would never ever use my body in such a way, have you ever considered your girlfriend was desperate and couldn't see a way out of finalcial difficulty? You clearly are if you want to use her in such a disgusting way! Do you think she got sexual pleassure from doing this? I honestly doubt it, more likely she got the opposite feeling (again, just my opinion). If this was a devious act on her part and she did get sexual pleassure or wanted to purposely hurt you by doing this then you are the male equivalent of her by wanting to use her for money and sexual advances.

Good luck

andrewextreme · Feb 18, 2011, 09:15 AM

I agree with you that I need to be proud of the woman I'm with. She wasn't always like this - she used to be very conservative and trustworthy. It all got screwed up. I am proud of her for many reasons - she does have a great body and she would make a perfect stripper, and she is also very likeable by all - however, I'm concerned about how it will evolve for the worse. On the other hand, I'd prefer to be proud of a woman for other reasons that she can no longer fulfill like having some long term direction and goals. She doesn't know what she is going to do with her life and in the meantime she is trying to clear $7,000 in credit card debt at 20% interest. Thanks for responding - I need someone to discuss this with that is unbiased. I'm not telling anyone that I know because I'm ashamed and would never want them to see her like that.

joypulv · Feb 18, 2011, 09:26 AM

She's not a car, with bad timing.
You more you write, the more cold and entitled you sound. All you care about is the rent and a warm body at night? Then WHY are you upset at what she decides to do for a living? What about HER need to pay rent after you are gone? Maybe you would rather she start trying new boyfriend-roommates on for size now instead? Get real, grow up, go home to your parents for 6 months. Get a degree, then find someone to help pay the rent and warm your bed all over again.
(Back before everyone lived together, you would get married and dump her as soon as you had a good job. She was described as getting her PhT, Putting Hubby Through.)

andrewextreme · Feb 18, 2011, 09:28 AM

I found out by finding a picture of her in a g-string with another girl wearing the same on her computer. I confronted her about this. She confessed that she took the job 24 days ago and that she just figured she could pay the rent and keep it a secret. If I could turn back time I would never approve of her doing this and wouldn't want the dirty rent money --- I found out after the fact so I am trying to figure out how I should react. She sometimes makes over $300 per night and works 3 nights a week. What do I do? Leaving her doesn't solve anything and I know she won't quit now that she knows how easy the money is! Help!

talaniman · Feb 18, 2011, 09:35 AM

You treat her the way you want to be treated, and don't let your current dilemma make you make rash judgments, that leads to impulsive behavior. Highly charged emotional issues are best handled with careful thought, that being about facts.

You are financially strapped, and she is going to work. Where do you work? You either need more income, or cut down on your budget, and make a deal with creditors that you can live with. Sure its still hard, and one helluva challenge, but get busy getting facts, and talk to someone about options you can pursue to solve your money problems, or at least get a plan that works, for you both.

andrewextreme · Feb 18, 2011, 09:36 AM

She means a lot to me - but I know that I have to look out for myself and that she won't have any clear direction for quite some time. I either have to support her and pay all of her bills - or let her figure out how to do it. Times are tough and I work really hard to support only myself - I can't afford to provide for her while she parties all the time. She needs things like clothes, booze, junk food so even if I did pay for her to live with me she would still have to figure out how to pay her credit card, student loan and phone bill. I can't do all that and she's not aggressive to get a job that pays $20 an hour so she settled with easy money.

adviceishere · Feb 18, 2011, 09:36 AM

The moral thing WOULD be to just leave her, you clearly don't love her, your on this looking for approval to use her for rent but I really doubt your going to get it, be the better person man and leave her, that's how you should react! If your that desperate for the money then strip off yourself (joke)

andrewextreme · Feb 18, 2011, 09:48 AM

Comment on talaniman's post

This is a very level-headed approach that I can appreciate. However, there is little indication that I should stay or go. From what I understand, you're saying let some time pass. Let her continue and choose new paths as they develop.

I work as a sales manager at a small household appliance dealer that is less than satisfactory - I make $35k a year. I have a 2 year degree in business marketing, a NYS real estate license and a hindering Felony DWI (non-accident related).

My credit is vital for me to get back to school for a bachelors degree and I'm currently maintaining my payments. Hers is a different story altogether.

Comment on adviceishere's post

Should I leave her because strippers don't make good girlfriends? I'm looking at this in the most shallow way possible because I want people to be brutally honest. I just don't know what good will come out of leaving her during the next 6 months. What good will come out of leaving her during the next 6 months? I won't be looking for another lover during that time, that's the last thing I'm ready for.

Comment on answerme_tender's post

This has been very helpful. I was considering is inviting her to join me when I move. She suggested that she could work a strip club there where nobody would know her (friends, family, etc.). I know that I won't be able to grow with her, I'm just having a hard time preparing to be without her.

answerme_tender · Feb 18, 2011, 10:26 AM

Andrew,

One thing I think is just as essential as communication is in a relationship is respect for the person that you are with. So I guess do you love and respect her enough to move forward with this relationship.

adviceishere · Feb 18, 2011, 10:48 AM

You will be leaving with diginty! Free of a guilty consicence, free of a fake and misery for the next 6 months, and strippers are human beings so you can't possibly say they make bad girlfriends, there are good and bad people all around us in all sorts of professions. Nobody on this is going to tell you to use someone for money man because its wrong,

andrewextreme · Feb 18, 2011, 11:50 AM

Love yes - respect, not so much.

talaniman · Feb 18, 2011, 12:16 PM

Comment on answerme_tender's post

Love yes - respect, not so much

I can''t imagine one without the other, but its possible you don't love her ENOUGH to respect her. If that's the case, I don't even see the point to the relationship, and you can be broke, and lost on your own. So can she, don't you think?

If you cannot work together through honest communications to resolve your issues to the benefit of you both, what's the point? Are you both willing to do that?

andrewextreme · Feb 18, 2011, 03:25 PM

Threads merged

I'm not too thrilled about the fact that anyone can see my girlfriend naked, but should I be supportive since this is what she wants to do?

joypulv · Feb 18, 2011, 03:43 PM

Less than 24 hours ago you were seething with anger and disgust. Now, in a new post(?), you are wondering if you should support her.
Since you have shown here the mercenary approach you took to rent, inconveniences for the 6 months, not wanting to have to cover her debts and extravagant expenses, and the simple wish for a warm body at night, it follows as night the day: yes. It solves every one of your concerns.