Girlfriend has been pushing me away because I am
Asked Apr 20, 2011, 01:13 PM
Goes like this.
About 5 months ago I got together with a wonderful lady (shes 26 I am 34). We had known each other for several years and saw each other just as friends on a semi regular basis.
She has a 5yr old daughter that loves me to bits & I get along with all her friends (they all say I am the best thing to happen to her)
I always had feelings for her and made them known to her on a few occasions throughout the years.
We always never seemed to be single at the same time, either she was seeing someone or I was or when we both were we were not in the right mental state to start anything & were more reliant on each other for a shoulder to cry on, a good chat & advise giving.
So we decided a few months back that the time was right to give it a go.
The first month and a half was great we were in full "honeymoon state" as you do, but then that just grinded to a halt abruptly, the sex stopped (explained away to me she had a low sex drive & that it would return) The texts started getting fewer & fewer, the special times less & less & the phone calls almost non existent.
If we had lived in each others pocket every day then I would have been able to explain this but I live 40min away from her & only see her on the weekends, we spend 2 nights together. I see her in total 8 days a month (thats before she started pushing me away & now its even less)
I confronted her about this the other day because a week ago she had asked me if I wanted to go away on a long weekend with her, her daughter & her dad. I was looking forward to going a until a day before she sent me a Facebook message saying I hope I understood but she just wanted to go away with her dad & daughter
I called her & confronted her, she told me she knew that she was pushing me away and felt really bad because she wasn't treating me the way that she should be treating me and that she felt I was giving 150% effort to the relationship & she only 20%.
She said that she felt like I was like a puppy jumping at her every command & that if she suggested anything to do I would always say yes even if she could see in my eyes I didn't want to do it.
She put forward some examples & I told her that even though I may have not wanted to do them initially that I was glad that I did because ultimately I enjoyed what I did partly because I was doing them with her & partly because I would have normally turned down the offer & never experienced it. I told her I don't get to see much of her so the times that I do I want to spend them doing things with her & her daughter.
Another thing that came out was that she said she was very interdependent and had been let down so much in past relationships (she has had a FEW btw) that she didn't think that she would or could ever rely on me for anything (emotionally, financially etc) and that I was putting so much emotion into the relationship that she feared that if she "died" the next day I would not be able to cope.
For me relationships should be strong, you should be able to rely on the other person to be there for you (within reason)
I don't see myself as over bearing or demanding or mean, I am not stalkerish & give her the time she needs if she asks for it. She has told me I am almost the perfect guy but I guess I can't be that perfect if she doesn't want to spend time with me.
I have told her that she needs to think about what she wants & let me know.
Should I put myself through all this & keep going in the hope that she will realize that she wants to be with me or should I pack it all in.
I love this girl, she says she loves me. I know its been said 100x before but there is something with this one that I have never felt before & I want to make her my wife one day I care about her that much.
Any advice would be appreciated