You keep saying she wants a 'societal tag' that you aren't willing to give. What precisely is that 'tag'?

I am getting the impression that this is only place you call her 'girlfriend'. How did you introduce her to people? Do the 'girls' you meet after concerts or whatever know you were in a committed relationship?

You have a lot to learn about love and BS!! Right now you have them all mixed up, but trust me, it will eventually clear up when the lust, and "dependence" wears off, and you find more important things to trip on.

Comment on Cat1864's post

Well... yes.. I don't usually refer to her as my girlfriend.. our common friends do.. but I never officailly asked her to be my girl.. and about the girls I meet, I never am interested in them.. meet them just on the way or in the greenroom.

Comment on talaniman's post

Very true.. we are away now.. just as friends.. All emotions away.. to see what we had.. if it was true love we won't be able to stay away.. or we'll just move on..

New years approaching.. I don't Know what to do.. should I spend the new years with her? I mean.. she did all her drunk thing with her best friend just last year on new years.. I still can't get over the images she has put in me of those.. I don't know if I want to spend newyears with her.. really confused about it.. at times I feel I'll spend it with her and maybe if we do it that night those images of her with someone else won't bother.. but then at times I think.. what if I'm with her and all this rushes to my head.. I won't even feel like touching her then.. don't know what to do.. ( we are both kind of back together again).

My girlfriend of 7 months was feeling very low one evening. Some old time family issue that she had. Anyway,she was turning 23yrs old in a week and was very low and suicidal as she was to leave home by 23yrs old because of that family issue... She was scared about it and didn't know what to do and was thinking of killing herself on her 23rd birthday.
So she called up her ex boyfriend.. He was one of the few people who knew about this family issue of hers( I wasn't aware of it as she felt it was too early for me to know).. and he was the only one who knew about her suicidal tendancies( I wasn't aware of this as well).. as they were together for almost 2 years before he dumped her in a bad way for another girl..
Anyway, she had cut off all contact with her ex since he had dumped her.. around 1.5 yrs back.. and it took her almost a year to get over him.. had 2 rebounds.. and then we met.. and started going great and fell and love.. but, still when she was at her lowest point,she chose to call him up...
We had fought all day that day over some other thing.. she called her ex up and spoke to him and then thanked him for getting her out of that depression and suicidal thing.. All this while... I didn't even know she was depressed at something and was suicidal..
She called me up after she spoke to her ex and told me that she spoke to him and that she was suicidal and he talked her out of it.. of how its not worth ending her life for anyone.. and then she asked him where she went wrong with him,etc.. I was like ***.. I didn't even know she was suicidal.. and then she told me that it was because of her family issue... that she hadn't told me about..
She told me about the family thing on her birthday and told me she didn't call me up when she was low as she thought I would judge her family and judge her and leave her after knowing that she has suicidal tendencies..
It still hurts me to think that she called some guy who she was in love with but who dumped her so bad that she was in depression for a year.. rather than call me.. who really loves her and she knows it.. and she says that she loves me more than she ever loved her ex..
It just keeps giving me the feeling that she isn't over the ex yet, she keeps stuff he gave her.. his photos.. she still hasn't changed her passwords that she had given him though he changed his the day he dumped her.. She keeps telling me that she is over him completely and that I am the only one she loves 100%..
But then why would she call him up suddenly after 1.5yrs when she was suicidal rather than tell me about the whole thing.. and why would she keep his photos and still let him have her password..
Was the phone call to her ex boyfriend emotional cheating? Please help...

No it wasn't emotional cheating. Emotional cheating is when you have a relationship with another person, w/o becoming intimate with them, when you are involved in another long term relationship.

Tick

Thanks... but this still hurts a lot... what would u call this if not emotional cheating?

You need to see the forest for the trees...

If her "family issues" are so major that they cause her to be suicidal then I would rethink this 7 month relationship. Because when she's finished using the ex as her emotional crutch then you'll be next.

And do you really want that responsibility?

I would strongly suggest leaving her alone until she sorts out her stuff, because sooner or later, she will drag you down as well.

Well.. after she shared it with me on her birthday.. we sorted it out... that makes e wonder as to why her ex never helped her sort it out or help her view it this way... the issue isn't the problem.. the problem that hurt is that she called him up when she was that low.. instead of sharing the problem with me on that day...

I guess he was the first one that came to her mind when she was in an interrupted state. I guess that tells a lot, and you should take that into consideration if you still want a relationship with this woman. There will always be 'another'. Could you live with that ?

Comment on tickle's post

exactly.. that is what hurts so much... she called him as he was the only one who knew the situation.. and she didn't want to share it with me as she thought I would judge her and dump her.. and we were fighting anyway.. she says... she is very sorry about it and said she would never do it again and hence forth has been sharing everything with me... and we love each other a lot... but it still hurts..

Comment on kaka67's post

I really want to be the one she shares everything with.. and I wouldn't mind that responsibility.. the ex wasn't a crutch all along.. she called him this once.. after 1.5yrs of staying out of contact with him.. as he knew the problem... had they been in touch as friends I wouldn't mind it.. but this randomly she calls himwhen she is at her lowest, hurt me...

it was related to some family issue of hers that she hadn't told me about.. till that time... as she felt it was too early to share such a deep thing about her family with me in 7 months.. anyway, she was almost suicidal on that issue and instead of even letting me know about it she called him up and spoke to him.. And how she was feeling suicidal and all and he spoke to her and calmed her a bit.. and she thanked him for it.. I felt like I was a nobody in her life when she later called me and told me that she spoke to her ex as she was almost suicidal and only he knew of that trouble in her life and that she was suicidal at it and no one else.. and she couldn't share it with me just yet...


I really felt hurt, that at her lowest point she went to some other guy , rather than tell me about it..


I felt emotionally cheated on.. and till date I feel she emotionally cheated on me by going to some other guy who dumped her making her feel worthless..


Am I wrong in thinking this way??

Pboy, this may come off as harsh, but you haven't exactly been honest about your relationship with this young woman in this thread.

Are you finally admitting she is your girlfriend to her and in public? Obviously you still don't trust her.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...fs-523095.html

You have been judgmental in the past. You have held her past against her and questioned every little thing she does. It sounds like she isn't sure she can trust you with personal problems.

Understand that she may have needed to discuss the issue with some she didn't have to explain the situation to. She could say how she felt at that moment without having to backtrack and bring a person new to the problem up to speed. It sounds like she also needed to ask why he left her for another girl with less 'experience'. I am sure that and her more recent experience with you still has her questioning herself.

I have kept her past behind and love her for who she is.. and she knows this now... and yes I did accept her as my girlfriend and she even met my family... just a week before she called her ex, was my birthday and she made it really very special.. we stay in different cities.. she travelled all the way and dropped in at midnight , had booked a hotel room for us , etc etc.. We are kind of in love with each other...
And she shares all her problems with me.. but says she didn't share this then.. as she thought I would leave her knowing that she is suicidal and that I would judge her family over the issue and leave her.. She said she had to talk to someone and he was the only one who knew about this problem and that she was suicidal over this issue... she hadn't contacted him for the past year and a half and suddenly when this low called him up... this hurt me a lot...
She says she asked him what went wrong as she didn't want to repeat the same mistakes with me..

Its nice that she did all those things for you on her birthday... BUT...

When the ****e hits the fan who does she call? And its not ghostbusters and its not you.

She seems to have a few issues which are making her either depressed (which causes her to make out with her best friend) or suicidal (which causes her to call her ex). Which to me are just an excuse for bad behaviour.

If in the past you have been critical of her actions/decisions that may help explain why she didn't speak to you but I would still be hesitant and take it easy. Maybe she doesn't trust you to not be judgemental?

She has so many problems that you cannot help her with. Why, because you have so many problems that YOU need help with.

Two emotionally unhealthy people cannot make an emotionally healthy relationship.

Sorry guy, but if this is a preview of the next 7 months, you are in deep do-do!

Yeah. She did tell me that she didn't share the family issue with me yet as she thought I would judge her family... and she wasn't even sure if I wanted a future for us.. so she didn't want to give out such info about her family to me.. but she did after a week on her birthday.. She says she called her ex as she was scared she might kill herself... and since he was the only one who knew that she gets suicidal over this issue.. she called him...
She also told me just a few days back that she didn't tell me about her suicidal tendencies as shethought I would judge her and dump her for being such a whack job...
Anyway,her makeout with friends was before we met.. and she was lonely and depressed because she was dumped by that guy..
And she did think that I would judge.. that's why she didn't say it.. as I have judged her on her past sexual behaviour as it bothered me at first..

I don't know why, but since last night.. I have been having this feeling... that all this that I am hurt at.. is because my Ego got hurt that she called someone else...
I mean.. she needed help.. and she got it.. from whichever source..
I didn't know the issue and when she was depressed and suicidal.. explaining and giving justification about a situation must have been the last thing she wanted to do...
Anyway, this is just what was going through my head last night.. that all this hurt feelings are just because of my ego.. that seem to have been bruised..

Well.. she felt guilty about calling her ex.. and so called me up as soon as she cut the call with him and told me...
Anyway, since that day.. I am the one she shares everything with.. but it still is there in my mind that she called someone else... and I was holding it against her in the name of emotional cheating...

Pboy, put your ego in in its kennel. This isn't about you.

People who are thinking about suicide often do not go the people closest to them for help. There are a lot of reasons but it boils down to not wanting to hurt loved ones and scared of being judged or shunned by those they care for. Be glad she reached out to anyone instead of acting on impulse.

You now know that she has these tendencies and can encourage her to get professional help. Her suicidal thoughts and other behaviors may be symptoms of other problems that she needs to get checked out. She could very well have a medical problem which is not something you can take care of for her.

Emotional cheating is more than asking someone who knows your history for help.

She does go see a shrink... and is epileptic... and she is impulsive... a bit too impulsive.. she was planning to commit suicide on her birthday as her parents weren't going to be home.. so she was all alone... but she says.. that after she spoke it out to her ex.. she realised what a stupid idea it was... she wanted to speak about it.. as she believes that when you speak your ideas out aloud to someone,you sometimes realise how they are dumb and stupid...
Anyway, I'm glad she got help.. but what was eating me away was thinking that it was emotional cheating..