My girlfriend and I have been broken up for about a month now, and we're sort of on a break I guess you could say... I'm going to try and be detailed with the explanation of the relationship so that maybe you guys can give me better advice :) I'm sorry if this is long but I want to give as much info as possible.

Me and her have been dating almost a year. We met in July of 2004 and at that time I was happily single not really looking for anything and just having fun. My previous relationship (3 months) ended in March of that year, and hers of 3 years ended in December 2003. She was really hurt after this relationship and still had feelings for him around the time we met. After that she dated one a guy for a month, and then another just a couple times, nothing serious.

When we met she was completely into me and we hit it off right away. She was attractive (not super hot, but cute) but there were some things that I didn't like about her and suffice to say I told her that I didn't really want a relationship and that we were just dating. I was also sort of dating one other girl at the time so I was keeping my options open. She was somewhat hurt but she said she didn't want to date any guys and that we would take it slow in hopes that we'd be together.

We dated and slowly we started getting more and more into bf/gf mode. She treated me SOOO GOOD, she did so many things for me and was such a sweet heart. I never was treated better by a girl then with her. She also expressed how much she cared for me frequently. She would always compliment me so much even though I didn't show her that I cared as much as she did (I really didn't). I liked her but I wasn't THAT into her. As time went on she was telling me she loved me after a few months, and eventually I started to love her as well because of how nice she was to me. This went on pretty much for the first 6 months (till around dec-Jan).

This past new years, I got a little drunk and I broke my arm. At that time, I just finished school and was about to start an internship but couldn't because of the injury, so I was basically stuck at home for a month. The arm break made coupled with just doing nothing at home made me vulnerable and I started telling her more how I loved her. I think that was the first time I told her it without her saying it to me first. I also would get mad at her over little things or if I would get jealous about something. Prior to the break I would sometimes get mad at her for no reason or take out my frusturations on her because I knew she would take it and still be sweet to me. Once she realized that I genuinely loved her and needed her, she then started to fight back and that's when we started fighting in Jan. There was an incident in February which caused me to reaggrevate my arm when I was out with some friends and she heard girls in the background. They were just friends but she "broke up" with me then and I was really hurt because of my arm and the situation and I asked her many times to give me another chance, which she did.

From that point on, she would have her moments where she would treat me like she did before and be all caring but it wasn't as pronounced as before. Slowly she became less caring and less affectionate, and our sex wasn't as frequent. She and I both attributed it to the fact that we were constantly fighting. Because of her less caring attitude I also was questionin her more than I normally would. Just stupid questions like why she doesn't call as much like she used to, or why she doesn't do things that she used to. Because of her changes, there were a few times I would just get pissed and threaten a breakup and she would say she's sorry and that she loves me and its just the fighting, and that we will go back to the way things were before. Around June we decided to go on a trip together, and things were going pretty good before we left. On the resort, we fought a few times pretty bad and it was then that we last had sex with each other. I also broke my arm (same one) again on that trip, towards the end, so that didn't help things.

When we came back, we were still together and she had her moments of being sweet but for the most part she just wasn't caring like before. I constantly told her that if she's not going to be the same person that she was before to me, the person I fell in love with, to break up with me. I finally got tired of it and early July I told her that I don't want to be with her because she didn't seem like she was changing and she didn't want sex anymore cause of the fighting. Couple days after that, she texts me saying she's depressed and she feels like something is missing in her life. She said that she doesn't want to lose me and so we continued to see each other, while still broken up for maybe another couple weeks.

About a month ago was the last time I seen her, and she is saying that we're on a break and that she needs to fix herself because she's not herself now. I told her that either she wants to be with me and we work things out, or she tell me right now that its over so we can both move on. She said its not that easy, that she loves me and wants to be with me but not like this with all the fighting and that she doesn't want to get back into the relationship until she is sure that things will be better. I told her that if we're on a break, that we shouldn't really talk to each other but she said she still wanted to talk and that she didn't want to let me go... I said if you want someone else just tell me don't play games, she said she doesn't want anyone else that she is totally not into guys or sex or anything now she just needs to fix herself. We continued to talk through text messages every couple days or so until finally last week I decided that I would see if she wanted to meet up and discuss our problems, not necessarily to get back together, but just to talk if she really wanted to work things out. She said she wasn't ready to see me yet and that we would just fight if we talked about it. So I told her that she's obviously not serious about working things out and that I'll give her the time that she wanted and that I'm not talking to her at ALL now. Since last week, she has texted me to inform me of something bad that happened to her best friend so I had to reply as she is my friend too. She also added me on her MSN with her new name (she lost the password for her old), so I'm not sure why she's still trying to keep in touch with me.

I still love her a lot even though she hasn't been treating me as good as she could but her reasoning is that its because I make her into that, all the fighting and everything and that she's trying to straight herself out so she can be sweet and give herself to me again. There's part of me that wants to be with her, the person she used to be, and another part that is pissed off about how she has been lately. I've met a couple girls and I even actually kissed and am dating one of them but at the same time I still miss my ex girlfriend. I don't know if I should inform her of the new girl, or just not even contact her at all about anything. I know she'll probably text me in a couple days or something but I don't want to reply. I also am not sure if I should block her new MSN name.

Sorry for this long post, there is even stuff that I have left out but I figured I should stop at that. What should I do if I want to try and eventually be with her again, that would make her the sweet girlfriend that she was before that I know she can be?

BlueImpact3
Hey, I know what your going through. When I was in 6th grade, I met this guy named Chris. We DATED for 2 years, and then he wanted to go into more explicit things so I had to end it. We just recently broke up 2 months ago. He was 1 1/2 yrs older than me. I wanted to stay out of trouble, yet he wanted to cause some.

I know what your going through because I still have feelings for him. :( It's hard even though I've dated one other guy since then. HE was my first boyfriend, and he knew how to treat a girl. It's hard because I see him just about EVERY day, and he knows as well that I still love him. He just wanted to go to fast. I'm ONLY 13 you know.

Even though I'm 13, take my advice. Try going up to her. Tell her that any form of herself is finewith you, and that you'll do anything to be with her. If that doesn't work, then talk to her. If it doesn't work email me. [email protected]
Love is a strength strength. Use it to your ability, and nothing SHOULD go wrong.
Sincerely,
Kirsten

Kirsten,

I am very impressed with your knowledge and intelligence. It's nice to see that even though you are still young, you have a great head on your shoulders. A lot of girls these days get into a lot of trouble and do things they really shouldn't do. I think its great that you realize that you are still 13 and have a lot of life ahead of you. I wish you luck and thanks for your help here at Ask Me Help Desk.

Hey I'm in the same train, the advice I can give you is to love yourself and to do what is best for you. Its been a couple of weeks since my ex talked to me and what makes this tough is that she left without notice. One day she loved me the next day she's gone without an explanation.

Hey thanks for the response, but this thread is nearly two years old! Make sure you check out the dates before you bring up the past!. lol... good luck.

When I started reading your story it began to sound so familiar to me. When I graduated high school, I began dating someone a little older and he had the same attitude toward me that you did your ex girlfriend. I wouldn't say I was perfect but I know I cared more about him than he did me at one time. As the years passed him and I did exactly what the two of you did, back and forth accomplishing nothing. I wouldn't let your ex put the blame solely on yourself, but I am sure a percentage of hwat changed her was your treatment toward her, I liked that you were honest about it though. My ex did the same to me. Now let me ask you something. Do you truly miss her or are you after something for the simple fact that "you want something you can't have". The only reason I ask is because that is what my ex did to me for almost three years, anytime I would begin to enjoy myself or start dating someone else he would come right back into the picture and mess anything good I had up with the long conversations of how much he missed me, letters, can we just spend some time together, and I would always fall for it. If you truly miss her, unfortuantely you may be too late, you may have pushed her so far away that she no longer has the same feelings toward you. It happens. After so long it has to be time to let go, and if you are dating someone and you still miss your girlfriend, that makes that girl a rebound. Don't hurt her. When I finally had enough will to break things off with my ex I had to call him eight weeks later and tell him I was pregnant, now he is dating someone else and the situation could not be any more complicated. You don't want something like that to happen. Give her her space but don't let her keep you on the back burner, you do your thing, don't call her and let her do her thing and don't take any of her calls. Give it a little bit of time, because if you have a good friendship now, you at least don't want to loose that, trust me. My ex was also my best friend and now we can barely speak without arguing, you don't want that.

All right, does anyone read the posts before posting?? As I already said, this thread is two years old... I doubt the original person cares anymore. Thanks for your response, though.

ACTUALLY I didn't notice the date, but thanks for pointing it out again!!

Man, I'm sorry. I just broke up with my girlfriend of 7, almost 8 months. She decided it would be a GREAT idea to go lesbian on me. But oh well.
All I can say is that you should just let the situation be and move on. If you're young, there's no need to lock yourself down with one girl. If you want to, then whatever floats your boat. But just imagine all the things in your future; college, working, hanging out with guy friends. All that would be a lot harder because of one girlfriend.