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satishphour · Apr 14, 2009, 12:19 PM

HI!! I am new to the website...
I have a girlfriend and we are together for almost 5 months, and we both love each other very much... one day someone told her parents about our affair... and her parents don't want their daughter to be in any affair, and her dad got an attack when she argue on this...
Now she said to her dad that DAD SWEAR YOU YOU, NOW ONWARD I AM NOT CONTINUING THIS AFFAIR... she told me that she love me but due to her dad conditions she will not continue this relation...

HELP me in this condition... I really miss her very much...

satishphour · Apr 14, 2009, 12:25 PM

Hi!!
I have a friend around 4 years back... we are bes friends... but her boyfriend is so jealous of me... he wants that we both won't talk and won't meet... so because of him, our friendship breaks, she said we will not talk... but she will message me on every occasions, and sometime reply me messages, but never picks my phone... its been 4 years now... and I think she had breakup with her boyfriend, but she will not tell me, I know her nature. But I really like her and want to be with him...

So help me people would I talk to her and offer my friendship once again, or she don't want to be with me that why she is not picking up my phone...

I wish · Apr 14, 2009, 12:37 PM

Well, there's not much you can do in this situation. It's her choice if she wants to be with you or not. If she respects her dad's choice, then you have to respect her choice as well.

Whether it is a frienship or a relationship, it requires both of you to make it work.

You can tell her that you really want to be friends with her, despite what her boyfriend is telling her, but it's her decision if she wants to be friends with you.

roxypox · Apr 14, 2009, 01:29 PM

Yes, there really isn't anything you can do about this. Like I wish said; she respects her dads decision and you need to respect hers.

The only thing you can do now is to take care of yourself and look after yourself, and make sure that you heal from this and that your happy.

If its too hard for you to be friends with her, and ONLY friends you might have to consider not having any contact with her at all.

Best of luck!

Roxy

roxypox · Apr 14, 2009, 01:37 PM

It really does take two people to tango.

Like I wish said; every relationship, friendship and such... takes two people to work. Both parts have to work on staying in touch.

You should tell her that you miss her friendship and that you want to stay in touch more often, if she still says she can't because of her boyfriend then there is really nothing you can do about that. Then she has made a choice.

And even though that can be hard and painful, you might consider making new friends.

Did I understand you corectly; you used to be bestfriends with this girl, but you haven't spoken with her for 4 years?

Or have you been friends for 4 years?

liz28 · Apr 14, 2009, 01:41 PM

How old are the two of you and is there a culture difference between the two of you?

stillfading · Apr 14, 2009, 02:36 PM

I was in your situation when I was 17 and my girlfriend was 15. It lasted almost 3 years during high school but ultimately, she chose her parents over me.

And I don't blame her. Blood is thicker than water man and if her family does not like something and you can't HONESTLY reason with them then you will have to suck it up and leave. I did bro. trust me on this, you can't make a girl choose between her family and u. that's not fair

satishphour · Apr 14, 2009, 11:28 PM

You , we didn't spoke for 4 years...

satishphour · Apr 15, 2009, 12:00 AM

But she message me occasionaly

satishphour · Apr 15, 2009, 12:01 AM

But she love me... is that any way out by which we can stay together and her parents wonnt know about this...

talaniman · Apr 15, 2009, 05:47 AM

Sorry your threads were merged, and it seems your talking about two different females.

As to the one your broken up with. Leave her alone, as you can't expect her to sneak around when her parents are so against you two being together.

I am unclear why they would see this as an affair, and not a relationship, but I suppose it's a cultural thing, and without any background, I can't advise you on anything, but to respect her wishes.

As to the friend, if she keeps her distance, and doesn't want to be in contact as much as you do, then not much you can do, but leave that alone, too.

Maybe getting out, and making new friends is what you need to do, as its really rough to lose a friend, and girlfriend in the same time. I feel for you, but you must carry on.

roxypox · Apr 15, 2009, 08:33 AM

Well, if you haven't talked for 4 years, it might be time to accept that she is no longer a close friend of yours, even if you miss her friendship.

You will have to accept and respect the barrier between you and the fact that you are now just two people who stay in touch once in a while.

Its sad to loose good friends, no matter why you loose them... but you need to accept and deal.

Do you have other close friends?

satishphour · Apr 17, 2009, 12:07 PM

I have a best friend and I love my best friend, but someone else purposes her and she will going around with him, and his boy friend didn't like me as her best friend, so he force the girl to leave me, so my friend told me that there are some problems creating due to our friendship, so its better that we will not talk from now and end our friendship... this happened 4 years back... but I still send her sms on occasions, and sometime without any occasions, and she will also reply them and also wish me on every occasion...

Now after 4 years I feel that she has a breakup with the boyfriend... but if when I call her she is not picking up the phone... according to me and her nature, she think that she leave me because of her boyfriend, and now if her boyfriend leave her, then how she can talk to me, she cann't be selfish... its her thinking maybe...

But I still leave her and respect her... and I want to be her... please advice me , how can I talk to her and what should I do...

satishphour · Apr 17, 2009, 11:42 PM

But she reply me sms...

talaniman · Apr 18, 2009, 05:08 AM

How can you take Internet chit chat as a sign she wants more time with you?? You seem to get attached way to deeply to the attentions of others, and maybe doing other things you enjoy, would give your life a healthy balance, and better perspective.

satishphour · Apr 19, 2009, 11:37 AM

Having to keep merging your threads is getting tiresome.

snow124 · Apr 19, 2009, 11:40 AM

Short version: Cut off contact with her if you want to recover.

Long version: If you're still spending time together and talking, it's going to make it extremely difficult for you to get over her. Though she sees friendship as an option, friendship obviously isn't what you're interested in. Though the thought of life without her there isn't happy, if you do want to get over her, it's going to be necessary.

satishphour · Apr 19, 2009, 12:01 PM

OK, and what if I want to talk to her... that we both are right at our part, and its just because of situations, we have to break up... and there must be some way out for this kind of situation... we have to give one more chance to our relation ship/... please advice me

snow124 · Apr 19, 2009, 12:53 PM

Well, what did you mean by overcome?

Did you mean you want to recover from the breakup and heal? Or overcome the breakup and get back together?

If it's the former, then you're really going to have to not be friends with her, because you don't just want friendship. You'll just be unhappy.

If the latter, there isn't really any good advice. If your parents are still dictating your relationships, I assume you are rather young, and advice of "wait a few years until you can both make your own decisions" isn't good. It doesn't sound feasible for you to be together because of your situations.

talaniman · Apr 19, 2009, 06:01 PM

What part of leave her alone is it your having a problem with??