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EDs24 · May 3, 2012, 01:16 AM

Okay first off I want to say I love this girl with all my life, we've been together for 4 years right out of high school. I have a good job but she never did until recently. I didn't care about paying for everything. I'm the man so I feel its my duty. I know it isn't but that how I am. She started working finally, and I guess having a little money has made her want to go out with friends all the time now, and one night she was very cold toward me.

I asked what was wrong and she just came out and said she wanted a break. It broke my heart a bit when she said that after all I've done for her and she does that. I got over it quickly and said okay that's fine.

But a night later she came home right when I was moving out and I noticed a hickey. I didn't say anything so we wouldn't argue but that really hurt me. Another night later I went looking for her and it seemed to go great because we got back together, but it didn't last long. A week or so later she asked for a break again, and now I'm wondering what the hell is her problem?

Should I give her the time, and wait to see what happens, or is it over like my buddies have been telling me. Please I need some advice from other people beside friends, and family. Anything I will appreciate. Thank You.

rhg1084 · May 3, 2012, 06:06 AM

These girls don't realize what they have. My ex was the same way. We had the best relationship and did a lot of fun things. But that wasn't enough. They want to go out to these bars/clubs and be wild. Let her be. Who needs it. If she doesn't want you then I know it hurts but why fight for someone who doesn't want it? Let her sow her oats and then she will most likely come crawling back to you when she isn't as happy as shed thought she be. By that time you will most likely be done with her. Just make sure not to contact her, you keep the upper hand.

talaniman · May 3, 2012, 07:59 AM

I don't know what your family and friends say to you, but I say disappear from her life, and do your thing with a better, more deserving person. This break up is a blessing and an opportunity for you. Take it and run like hell, and look forward, not back!

puccini · May 3, 2012, 08:47 AM

None of us here know what sort of person she is or relationship you have had: we are thin slicing. It does seem unlikely that you can or should just pick things up where you left off and hope things work out. It would appear that whatever is wrong with her or your relationship will still be wrong if you were to pick things up next week, next month: so it is really not something to hope for. What sort of role you should play in her life, if any, is hard for anyone to recommend here without knowing you both. She seems confused and probably unhappy herself and you probably both need to sort yourselves out. Without more general contextual information it is difficult to offer advice. Some space is certainly something you certainly need, regardless and that is probably the best thing to focus in the short term.

Good luck.

mmresd · May 3, 2012, 11:34 AM

She wants to have fun. Is as simple as that. Not that you are not fun, but she wants to have a different type of fun. Break up with her and let her do her things, if she is to come back, make sure you name your terms before agreeing to go into a relationship again. If she doesn't, well then you are in luck of not being stuck to someone who doesn't value you.

puccini · May 3, 2012, 11:40 AM

There is another point which is somewhat of a shot in the dark on the issue of independence. Kind and gentlemanly though it is to financially support her entirely for years it can, I imagine, be unhealthy in a relationship as in creates an imbalance. A partner may feel they must defer on most decisions as they feel they have little right to a democratic vote, perhaps unable to assert themselves or act as they wish. But anyhow (possibly) a feeling of dependecy can develop which is not healthy (or attractive, I feel) for either a person in the relationship. With a job she might have found herself independent and enjoyed it, enjoyed the freedom of it, and with you she associates that dependency which would seem unattractive if you have just discovered your independence. She made feel the need to explore that independence. Only you know whether this might be relevant or not, and perhaps, if you feel it might be relevant, something to think about with whomever you are with in the future.

As I said there is very little context here, and we know very little of your circumstance, and it is naturally, one of a myriad of possible explanations.

Good luck.

Jimmy78 · May 7, 2012, 02:14 PM

Originally Posted by mmresd

She wants to have fun. Is as simple as that. Not that you are not fun, but she wants to have a different type of fun. Break up with her and let her do her things, if she is to come back, make sure you name your terms before agreeing to go into a relationship again. If she doesn't, well then you are in luck of not being stuck to someone who doesn't value you.

But why get back together with someone who doesn't want to be with you. Because even if its on your terms they still win because they know they can treat you like crap and you will give them the chance of getting back with you. Besides she goes out, screws losers then when she wants someone to fill that empty space they leave then you're the best guy in the world.