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drummerbouy · Nov 11, 2006, 11:01 AM

I need help! I went out with this girl a while back and then she broke up with me. That was a while ago, now we are friends. Every time I see her though, I feel different around her. She makes me really happy when I'm around her. I want to tell her how I feel about her, but she's told me before she's happy we are friends and she just wants to be friends. I really want to get back together with her but I don't know if I should speak my mind or what to say and possibly ruin our friendship. What should I do?:confused:

Geoffersonairplane · Nov 11, 2006, 11:22 AM

Hi,

There is a possibility here that you could damage the friendship. I have been where you are before some years ago and ruined a friendship because I decided to be open about my feelings.

There are 3 choices I can see here:

1.) You can be open to her about how you feel, tell her that you feel more for her than just friendship but risk damaging the friendship, perhaps for good.

2.) Ignore your feelings and continue being a good friend to her while still feeling the pain of not being able to get the emotional closeness you so desperately desire.

3.) Take some time away from the friendship to sort through your feelings and decide if perhaps walking away from the friendship completely is better for both yourself and her.

One thing is for sure, unreciprocated love or feelings is one of the most painful experiences in life. You must be strong and decide what is best for you and for her. If you really cannot be a friend to her without feeling more, perhaps it is best to go for option 3. Painful as it may be for you, it may be the most sensible option in order to protect yourself and her from getting hurt in any way.

Hope this helps!!

talaniman · Nov 11, 2006, 07:51 PM

1-Will probably ruin the friendship for good.
2-Painful, very painful
3- The best option, and it gives you a chance to be able to deal with those feelings and with time think more realistically about yourself and your life.

valinors_sorrow · Nov 12, 2006, 08:43 AM

I don't think you need to tell her. She may already have an unspoken sense of that -- girls are often intuitive like that. Besides it won't make her love you differently than how she is now. And if it did, boy I would be frankly skeptical of how fickle that seems? I don't think true love works like that. As Geoff wisely pointed out, unrequitted love is painful-- my sympathies to you. If being her friend is holding you back in any manner, then this friendship is not serving you well. Consider that carefully. You need to love and take care of you first, now and forever too. There are lots of wonderful girls out there you have yet to meet but you won't be if you continue to wait for someone to change how they feel, especially after they tried it out with you and have said essentially "thanks but no thanks." That is what they call letting the good be the enemy of the best. Supposing there is a girl out there who "gets you" as much as this one did, but whom you "got back"? Are you open to that?

s_cianci · Nov 12, 2006, 04:46 PM

I agree with the other answers you've received here. Don't try to push her into anything more than just friendship as that will likely push her away totally then you won't even have her as a friend. Also, don't let your friendship with her keep you from pursuing the things you want and need to do.

drummerbouy · Nov 14, 2006, 09:56 PM

Thank you all for all your responses very much... I think I'm going to give number three a go and hopefully I can keep with it and I think it is what is best for me even as difficult as it may be:(.. Thanks again for all your help!