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    elrp's Avatar
    elrp Posts: 58, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member

    Aug 3, 2004, 07:54 AM
    Re: Girl Friend Overload?
    It's understandable that you want to do these things for him, as you love him. It's all well and good as long as he appreciates it but the worry is that he will become to rely on you too much.

    When in a relationship some people adjust slightly but keep their independence, as you have. However, others lose their sense of individuality and come to rely on the other person. This person is often the weaker of the two.

    It may not seem a big problem but what would happen if you were to go away on business or had to go and visit family/friends elsewhere and he were to be left on his own? You need to teach him how to do things for himself so he sees you as a partner rather than a mother figure.

    He probably doesn't realise his dependence on you and would only notice if you were to go away, which if it were to happen, he wouldn't be able to take it.

    Try balancing out the chores between each other. It won't hurt him to do a bit of cleaning now and again. Next time he's about to run out of a bathroom product remind him it's running out and tell him he will need to get some more.

    Eventually he should get into the routine of doing things for himself and not having to rely on you so much. This will probably increase the quality of your relationship as you will begin to appreciate him more.

    I hope everything goes well for you, take care.
    confused2504's Avatar
    confused2504 Posts: 33, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member

    Aug 5, 2004, 11:46 PM
    Re: Girl Friend Overload?
    I agree with elrp. She hit the nail on the head.

    I understand that you love your man, hell we all would bend over backwards for our partners. But its true about making sure he is able to stand on his own. Its really more for his benefit than yours. Just let him know of your concerns and how you feel and start doing things equally.

    Its seems to me you do a lot for the relationship and its very common, just make sure it doesn't become a routine where its expected of you all the time. You need a rest too!

    I think elrp said it all. I would listen to her. It was great advice.

    Keep us posted on how it goes!
    artistall's Avatar
    artistall Posts: 88, Reputation: 5
    Junior Member

    Aug 10, 2004, 08:28 AM
    Re: Girl Friend Overload?
    Don't draw any lines! There is nothing wrong with extending yourself to make the one you love happy! The important thing here is that You are not subconsciously harboring any resentment toward him due to your doting behavior! Make sure you are doing all these things because you sincerely don't mind doing them! The fact that you wrote in makes me wonder if you are having seconds thoughts about your generosity! You should carfully explore that issue within yourself! However, if he appreciates you and reciprocates in some other way and you are really happy making him happy then open up the flood gates because there is no greater pleasure in life than the Joy that is derived form Giving! And don't worry about him becoming dependent on you to the point that he would be incapable of caring for himself. I'm sure at 22 years of age he will survive! If you suspect that he wouldn't then every now and then ask him to help you with some simple chore or feeding the fish! Just do what you love to do without reservation! I commend you for your efforts and you deserve all the Joy life can bring!
    Jahiem28's Avatar
    Jahiem28 Posts: 103, Reputation: 5
    Junior Member

    Aug 10, 2004, 08:26 PM
    Re: Girl Friend Overload?
    Hi It truly wonderful that your willing to perform so many task in your relationship but a relationship is a partnership which means the duties should be kind of equal.  Your boyfriend need to share more of the responsibility and learn.  Cause if u decided to walk away from your relationship with him he would be like a lost blind man trying to find his way home.  Share some of that work with your mate so he can get a sense of self worth. Good luck take care

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