I seriously hate myself. I get so stupidly jealous over everything. I've been jealous of my so called "best friend" since we started high school together and it mainly stems from 1) the attention she always gets from guys and 2) the fact that she flirts with every single guy... including my boyfriends that I've had throughout the years.

I've been dating my boyfriend now for about 7 months and things are good for the most part. Recently, however, my friend was complaining to me about her father, who cheated on her mother years ago, and is now getting remarried. I was just casually mentioning this to my boyfriend one day, and he was just offering advice for me to give to my friend because his parents are divorced too (mine aren't, so I guess I can't fully understand either of their situations).

Lately, I feel like he's always concerned about my friend. It's nice to know he cares... but really? The thing that really gets under my skin is the fact that MY father has physically and emotionally/verbally abused me for years, especially this past year. My dad and I would get into fist fights and it got so bad that he threw a fan at me and almost broke my jaw. I've tried talking to my boyfriend about this, because I am emotionally scarred from the fights I get into with my father. I just want someone to listen and care. But when I do open up about this, all my boyfriend has to say is "oh your dad is not that bad." and completely undermines me and makes me feel even worse.

Basically, my point is, why does he care about my friend's problems with her dad more than mine?? I understand that he can probably relate with her situation better, but at the same time, why does he have to completely undermine my situation, which I feel is a lot more drastic and dangerous even. Maybe I'm just being dramatic, and I want attention, but damn it this is screwing with my head and tearing me down. I have so many emotions that I hold so deep inside of me, especially when it comes to the situation with my dad. All I want is my boyfriend to care and be there for me... but he's there for my friend more and it just makes me depressed and feel worthless.

There are some things during any relationship, where one party or the other, will fall short of expectations. That could be simply because of not feeling able, or competent to address a particular issue. Such as your expectations of your boyfriend to be more understanding and supportive of the problems you have with your father. It may simply be that he does not know what to say to make you feel better, or how to help you to deal with all the emotions you have toward your father, that you have had far longer than he has known you.

If he has never experienced abuse himself, and doesn't have the life experience to know how to help you, it could be a very uncomfortable position for him to be in; that being that you expect him to understand, but he simply doesn't. Much in the same way as you don't understand him being from a broken home, or your best friend being from a broken home, as you have said.

We go through life facing things, even with a very good partner, sometimes on our own, and sometimes completely on our own with parts of our lives that we really can't realistically expect anyone else to understand. A loving relationship doesn't always mean that each partner will meet our expectations, all of the time.

For you to have had a lifetime of physical and emotional abuse from your father, is something that you need to deal with, on your own. Sympathy, and understanding, and helpful advice won't likely come from someone who has no understanding of it, and if it does, it likely wouldn't be more than listening, but it won't effectively solve what you have described as, "emotionally scarred" from "years of abuse". Even if you choose to go to counselling to address the abuse and the need to have someone understand and help with those issues, that will not likely result in your boyfriend being better able to understand it.

Your best girlfriend is that, for more than the shortcomings, as you see it, of her being flirty, and getting all the attention from guys, including your current and past boyfriends. She is who she is, and some people enjoy and/or need attention in different ways. That she enjoys this type of attention, doesn't necessarily translate into her undermining your relationship with your boyfriend, or trying to steal a boyfriend from you, or undermine your relationships. If she does do any of those things, it is time to look elsewhere for a best friend.

I think that in a way, you have described accurately the problem with your current relationships, and that is as you describe it, having had so many underlying feelings about your dad, that have resulted in you needing understanding and attention, that you are not getting.

It may be hard to think of that statement in a positive way, but, you have identified what you need, and why you need it, and I couldn't have said it better myself. The issue is, you are perhaps looking for answers in all the wrong places. To keep what you know you don't deal with, stuffed inside, and expect others to understand and help you resolve them, won't work. If this emotional place you are in is affecting friendships, boyfriend relationships, and any other part of your life (confidence, self esteem, independence, etc.), it is time to address the issues in counselling.

I hope you consider counselling, just for yourself, for your own issues. With proper 'attention' so to speak from a professional, you can learn to live with the past, without it being an issue in your present, and in your future relationships. As long as it festers under the surface, your needs will not, in my opinion, be met.

Stop trying to get the same attention that your friend gets from your boyfriend. Share your problems with someone who knows how to deal with them, who can love support, and guide, and advise you. Your boyfriend can't, he isn't qualified. Maybe your mom, teacher, or older female adult is. They can help you get those deep feelings out, so you can deal with them in a proper way. Find out.

Don't let your personal, and family problems stop you from having fun with your guy, and don't let your friends' ways, make you needy of him solving your problems. That's expecting a lot from a young guy.

Hello. Hey hye 123, I can very much relate to this cause I am a jealous type myself but I grew out of it here's my advice for one you need to tell him how you feel and remind him of what happen to you with your dad and if you don't want your man in your friends business don't speak to him about it. That was rude but true cause it only triggers the jealous spot in you. Also your boyfriend dose have advice for her because he was in the same position which may just give him comfort to talk about it with someone who knows exactley how he feels and knows what its like to feel that way so he could just be worried not interested in your friend trust me you will know if he's more interested in her than you I've dealt with bull**** like that... I hope this helps lead you into what to do! I don't know you but if ths contniues send him to the curb beause he don't care about how you feel than :)

Hi hey hey 123, I wanted to offer my guidance to you regarding your situation. I have a daughter in a similar situation; however, she is eighteen. As her mom and also as a woman, I tried to help my daughter when it comes to relationships with other female friends. Girls tend to be catty and can try many tactics to make the other girl feel bad about herself. Her relationship with her dad was always a good one, especially since she is his only daughter. Their relationship changed when our daughter started dating. He tried to offer her guidance, but as you know how teenagers are, she thought she knew it all. She became very disrespectful towards him, even to the point where she would use profanity towards him, & would get into physical fights with him. I'll admit, it didn't help my husband has a hot Italian temper, but he had & has her best interests at heart. My daughter would tell people her dad abused her when that wasn't the case. It was just a bad situation that turned ugly with a hot-headed father & a hot-headed daughter. They hate to admit it, but they are so much alike. My husband is not an abusive man at all. I've seen him cry his heart out and pray for his daughter. He loves all of his children and is a God-fearing man. I also love all of my children, but it frustrates me when our daughter doesn't want to let go of the grudges towards her father. He tries so hard with her, and all she does it shut him out. She tells her boyfriend & all of her friends how much she despises her father, and they just make matters worse by agreeing with everything she says, and act disrespectful towards her father. Consider yourself blessed that your boyfriend is trying to see the good in your dad so you can see the good. If he were to agree with you, wouldn't that make matters worse between you and your dad? Or do you not want to have a relationship with your dad? Another thing, if you have felt this jealousy towards your friend since high school, and she has flirted with all your boyfriends, is she really a true friend? Sweetie, I don't want to tell you what to do, because the decision is ultimately yours. If you want to be happy, and in a healthy relationship with your boyfriend, your dad, or anyone else for that matter, you may need to seek some counseling to help you get through all of your feelings. Holding onto things is not healthy for anyone. You sound like an amazing woman who has a lot to give. First you need to give to yourself so you can feel free to open up and give to others. I will keep you in my prayers & I hope the relationship with your father is restored. Good luck! Gina :)