Well were to start, I meet my ex girlfriend while we were at uni together, We were both doing the same course, and were in every class with each, At first we were just flirting with each other, I never really expected her to find someone like me attractive let alone someone to fall in love with, but through friendship we ended up together, and by the summer between 1st and 2nd year we were living with each, madly in love. She was 19, I was 23.
I had moved away from home when I 18 and was very self efficient, she moved out of her parents straight in to living with me. We had the same social circle as well.

Once we graduated, she got a really good job in a different city, I moved with and also found work, although it did not pay as much as hers. At first things were going great, then the trouble started.

Her work hired 5 students graduates every year, my work was full of women in the late 30’s to 50’s. She was going out with her work friends more and more, which I was never invited because it was a work do, I mean she was going out almost every weekend.

Because I didn’t know anyone in the city I was just sitting at home getting depressed and thoughts about what she was getting up to started to creep in. I would ask questions trying to trick her out about what she was getting up, this would just annoy her and fights would break out, I would try and explain how it would be nice to meet the people from her work, but she said they weren’t the sort of people I would get on, I mean come on, these people were working in an industry I was working in and had a degree in, they were friends with my ex, why wouldn’t they like me.

This went on for further 2 years, Are relationship ended after 5 and half when I caught her on the phone to a guy, and she told me it was a female friend from work, I lost it, all the insecurities I had gathered from being left at home came flooding out, I grabbed her phone and smashed it, which she then gave me a black eye for. It was over.

The only thing is I love her so much and want her back, we have meet a couple times and things have happened, but she say’s she doesn’t know what she wants, she wants to go out and experience the world and see if what she feels for me is real or just familiarity. She has told me she never cheated on me, and the guy on the phone was just someone who was paying her attention which she says I had stopped. She also says she hasn’t been with anyone since us, but has been on few dates with a guy from her work, I guy who when we were going out she said she had no interest in, after I accused him of fancying her.

Its been nearly 3 months now since we broke up, am so lost, am in a city I hate with no friends but need to stay due to my job. She still calls me and says am her best friend she just not sure what she wants. I feel like she keeping me to the side in case nothing else comes up. But this is killing me. I want her back but just don’t know how to do it. I mean with the way I am now who is going to want me, am a complete mess

Stop being a mess and stop being her backup plan. Make new friends and get your own life,doing your own thing.
You should be in charge of your life instead of hanging around in limbo waiting for something that most likely won't happen.

This is the time of your life to make a change.

She cheated, and carried on in a strange manner for quite some time. I can't imagine it going on for so long, over two years. How she kept a second lifestyle away from you, or you from it.

Was she ashamed of you? Was she seeing someone on the side?

People in love don't have secret lives.

Now, for what to do. You say you have to stay where you are for your job? Make the most of it explore the city, parks, museums, libraries.

And the best way to meet people that you have things in common with is to take a class, something that interests you. Cooking is always good. Take up activities, especially outdoors, the air will do you good.

The most important things is to STAY BUSY doing the things that you enjoy. In no time you will have a new circle of friends.

Life goes on. Don't waste anymore of yours.

Go make yourself happy.

I wish you the best.