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    Freudianslip's Avatar
    Freudianslip Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Mar 25, 2011, 07:31 AM
    Gay guy in love with straight married guy
    So he's married and I'm in a relationship with a great guy. Both of us met at work and although we both love our partners, neither of us seem particularly satisfied in our relationships. We started hanging out and before I knew it, we were bonding very quickly. It is obvious to anyone who see us together. We're both very supportive of each other and we love each other very much. He's told me how he's never had a "friend" in his life make him feel so wanted and special. When our eyes meet at work, there is this intensity and I notice how we stand only a foot away face to face, looking right in each other's eyes when we talk. He's much more interested in my hobbies than my partner and I love his enthusiasm. Recently at a small concert, we sat next to each other and he rested his head against mine. We hug constantly and it feels great. When we were getting out of a friend's car, he held my hand to help me get out. Lately I've been finding myself playfully running my hand through his beautiful hair. I tell him how much I love him all the time. He seems to like it. How do I get it out of my head that he's off-limits? I want to kiss him so badly and I fantasize about him leaving his wife to be with me. I don't want to destroy our friendship and our relationships--but I need him around me so much. As of now, we jokingly call what we have a "bromance" but I sense he's beginning to experiment and push for more.
    southamerica's Avatar
    southamerica Posts: 667, Reputation: 400
    Senior Member

    Mar 25, 2011, 07:37 AM

    It doesn't matter what your orientations are, you are both off-limits, and especially him.

    Even if he were bi-curious, you DON'T want to be the "other guy" in an affair. Those rarely, if ever, work out. You need to get romantic ideas of him out of your head, and that might mean spending less time with him. There's even a very good chance that much of what your feeling is the "forbidden" aspect of your attraction. So often, that's the most appealing part of a potential affair.

    Regardless of what you're feeling and what signals you're getting, you cannot act on anything and you should probably make an effort to see less of him. You don't want to be responsible for messing up his marriage-he needs to make those decisions for himself.

    I hope you find less confusion in the future. Good luck!
    Freudianslip's Avatar
    Freudianslip Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Mar 25, 2011, 07:48 AM
    Comment on southamerica's post
    Thank you for your response... Fortunately, due to our busy schedules, seeing each other for more than a few minutes each week is nearly impossible. I start to feel a bit better until we get the rare chance to see each other again. Sometimes it feels just like a close friendship, like with my other friends. Then he'll do or say something that makes me want him again. If anything, I have more boundaries than him. He's initiating most physical contact. I'm not exactly stopping him though. It's difficult to turn away something that feels so good. My partner knows about him and our closeness has been a sore subject. Surprisingly, this guy's wife is very positive about our close bond. She's not always very warm with him and that bothers me. I guess I need to figure out how to put a cap on how far I can take this love for him.
    southamerica's Avatar
    southamerica Posts: 667, Reputation: 400
    Senior Member

    Mar 25, 2011, 07:54 AM

    Just protect yourself and your heart and somehow get it through your head that he's off limits and cannot be a romantic interest. Spend more energy on your boyfriend, romancing him up!

    If your friend wants to end his marriage and try dating other people-guys or girls-then that's his decision to make. Don't be the tool he uses to get there. It isn't a good feeling to be that other person. Just take care of you and your dignity!
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,051, Reputation: 10852

    Mar 25, 2011, 08:40 AM

    When boundaries are not enough to insure good behavior, then you leave that person alone, and keep a safe emotional distance. Lets face it, you both are going beyond healthy fantasy, and good common sense.

    I know, the devil makes you do it, and you can't help how you feel.

    Well you can help what you do about those feelings so there is no excuse for doing the wrong thing is there? So if the consequences of bad behavior are not enough, then have at it, and pay the costs.

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