Gambling addicted boyfriend!
Asked Oct 20, 2007, 12:59 PM
So I've been with my boyfriend for six years he's 29 and I'm 25. We've been through a lot together. We met in the army and became really good friends before we started dating, and then when he got out about 2 years before I did we broke up because he was coming back to the states. Well we ended up getting back together a year later and I moved here to be with him (and because he was already in school and about to graduate and then continue to get his masters, and I had no clue what I was going o go to school for so to me it didn't matter where I went to school) and have been together ever since. We both agree we are in it for the long run, but we are not ready to get married at this point in our lives. Well about 3 years ago It came to my attention that he had a bit of a spending problem, he would always go out (like 3-4 times a week) and get trashed and end up spending a lot of money and losing his atm card, so he would ask to barrow money from me and never pay me back, or would write me a check and then give him cash for it, over and over again... finally I started getting fed up with him not being home and not having any money that I stopped doing it. Then one day he came to me and said he had a gambling problem, so then it all sarted to make sense why he would be broke and always losing his atm card and blah blah blah. So we went to GA meeting to get help and took all the steps to help himget better, like not givign him control of his back accont and not giving him cash and buying him gift card and so on. Well right form the getgo he thought the meeting were lame and that the counceler was lame and it was all a waste of time because he knew he had a problem and he new that stats of gamblers and he knew what made him gamble ( stress) so after a few months he stopped going to the meetings. So for the most part he stopped gambling (however he did have few slips) but that's because I had control of the money. Then it seemed he had repalced one addiction with another and started drinking even more and then he would want money and get very demanding about it even stealing my debt card or money. And saying that Its his money too! Blah blah blah. So earlier this year after speanding all this time fighting over money I finally made him get his own account and guess what happened?? He started gabeling again. Well he decided to tell me ( 2 weeks after I told him I was unhappy about our relationship and that I was ready to move out and move back home, but I was willing to give us one more chance) that he was gambling again and that he had made the first step into getting back into rehab. As unhappy as I was to hear this I was willing to accept it and help him trough this, that was until I asked him when the last time he gambled was and he said it was 5 days after I told him I was "willing to start over". I just couldn't take it so I pack all my stuff up and put it in storage, ship our dog to my parents house, and moved in with my friend. So after I did all that he begged me for one more chance, he said he will get this gambling thing and drinking thing under control and that he couldn't do it with out me, he will do anything I want, and that he couldn't emagine his life with out me and all this great stuff and even move to CA with me! This all sound so great, right? I told him he needs to work on himself before he even thinks of us and that he's got to get better for him and not for me... Well that's were te delema part comes in: What do I do? I do love him with al my heart and he is one of my best friends but I don't know what to do? I'm I abandoning him when he needs support the most? I feel that I can go through this whole "healing proccess" but I don't know if I want to... Im 'just so confussed!