Hi guys I'm new to the boards and find myself in a bit of a pickle.

I've recently got out of a long term relationship and am still in the recovering period - I'm not over her. I took the break up pretty hard and have been leaning on the people closest to me pretty heavily recently.To add insult to injury one of my best friends confessed that she was falling in love with me, I'm pretty angry at her for seeing me like that and for telling me because I'm just not in the right place. She knows what I'm going through and she's the person who I talk to the most about pretty much everything. I told her we would only be friends, that I didn't see her in that light and that I was glad she told me.

Now we are carrying on like nothing has happened but when we hang out I always make sure that our other friends are around also.. we never spent that much alone time together anyway so its not a big deal. However I do catch her giving me those glimpses and at times she is outwardly flirty with me which sometimes makes it awkward. I am treating our friendship exactly the same i.e I accept her phone calls & meet up when she asks etc

When we're all out (I should point out that my friendship group is made up of 6 of us & we do everything together) and females show interest I back off immediately out of fear of hurting my friend I do really care about her, but I'm starting to resent the situation.. and feel as though our friendship is somehow tainted now. I know I cannot cut her out of my life, because she hasn't done anything wrong.

Has anyone else experienced this type of thing? If so how did you deal with it?
Do you think I'm doing the right thing by staying friends with her?

You already told her how you felt, you can't help that there aren't feelings for her. You were honest with her, you have done all you can. Either way, she is going to hurt a bit. By you stopping the friendship or you moving.

Without going into too much detail, my ex and I broke up 2 months ago (we were together for almost 4 years). I went and returned her stuff a few days after the break up with the intention of picking mine up.. but some drama went down and for speed purposes I went home empty handed. Its not as though she just has a few of my cd's or anything, my stuff actually fills half of her bedroom and some of the items are pretty expensive/ needed by me.
Right now she's ignoring my attempts at communication, which is fine and understandable but I'm just not seeing why she's hanging on to my stuff. Im sure I wouldn't want to see her stuff laying about my room on a daily basis? Any ideas?

She wants a reason to see you, talk to you, a connection with you.

Who intiated the break up?

*Also, feel free to scroll to the bottom of the page and read other similar posts, and see what advice and insight was given. It could be helpful.

She broke it off with me because she thinks I played away.

Maybe she is keeping your stuff to piss you off... or to get revenge because she knows you need it.

Lovely.. how immature.
Any ideas on how I should get it back? I can't go back to her house without a scene being made.

I'm not saying that IS the reason, but it could be.

Ask a mutual friend to go for you.

But that probably is the reason, the girl does not want to see or speak to me. That's perfectly clear.
It's a shame its stooped down to this level.. ill try and leave it for a bit longer & then send someone. I really just don't want to anger her anymore and getting my stuff back would be the means to an end.

That's why I said a mutual friend, not one of her friends.

Or send your Mom to get your stuff, do you think she would be a brat and deny your stuff to your mom?

No the way I see it now - I have my friends she has hers. We no longer have any mutual friends. I don't want my mom clearing up after me. Im sure ill get my stuff back eventually, I'll just wait it out.

Okay.

She wants to be in control, have things on her terms.

When my four year relationship ended, it took a few months to give each other our stuff back.. Actually some stuff hasent been returned... almost 3 years later.

I know its stupid, but he has a ring he gave me for christmas... that he was supposed to resize. I still want it back and I want it resized. I guess it gives me confort knowing that he has something of mine. Knowing that if she saw it, he would have to explain. And remind her that he was mine... those 4 years that she sat there and complained she wanted him. I hate her. Lol. I know its not mature. But the ring is mine, and we have talked about it. I just wish he would give it to me the way he promised to give it to me during our 3rd year of dating.

Anyway, I don't like getting my stuff back. Till Im cool headed, and feel I can see them. It gives me a chance at closure when I'm not crying my eyes out.

She's highly annoying, that's what she is.

Thing is there's never going to be a good time and id just rather get it over and done with.

Have you thought about having the cops go with you. If they are not mean they can help resolve the problem. If you get one that's nasty they won't.

If that don't work and you really want your things, civil court can help but your going need proof if she denied it.

Start making a list of things of value and try the cops first.

Thanks for the input tolerance the thought never crossed my mind.. I don't think I could let it get that far though. I thought I'd just check to see if there was any mystical reasoning behind why a woman might hold onto your things.. a bit clueless over here.

I didn't actually cheat but I hate to admit the intention was there (which is just as bad I know) My ex actually thinks it happened. We've been apart a little over 2 months. Contact is occasional. This time has done nothing but made me realise my true feelings for her and I'm ready to make every effort to get back into her good books.

How should I go about re-establishing a connection?
Should I wait for the next time she makes contact and take it from there?

How old are you??

21