First let me start by saying please don't judge me. I recently just got out of a 5 year relationship with my ex. During the last 2 years of it I started a friend with benefits type relationship with someone else. I didn't mean for it to happen... my ex and I were on a break when I met this guy, so I WAS unattached at the time. I was honest with my fwb and told him that I wanted to try and make things work with my ex. He basically told me that he and I could be each other's plan B.

Fast forward, there were times where I felt he wanted a relationship. He kept telling me to break up with my man.. but I couldn't because of the history and a part of me still loved him. Now I have fallen for my fwb! I broke up with my ex recently and I want a relationship... Right before the breakup my fwb told me that he can't confide in anyone else like he can in me. We've even tried staying away from each other but one of us always seem to come back no matter what. The first time we stopped seeing each other he told me that he does love me (the one and only time he has ever said it)--but he needed to move on. But he came right back. I've also tried to stay away. I guess our problem is that we were so open and honest that we told each other any and EVERYTHING. Now we don't trust each other with our heart. (he's told me he can't trust me).

Right before I broke up with my ex, my fwb told me that if I broke up with the ex he'd give us a chance. But he's so wishy washy. Sometimes he wants a relationship and then he doesn't. He always says he's confused and doesn't know what he wants.

Well I told him I'm going to give this new guy that wants to date me a chance. He told me to do what I want and give him a call WHEN it doesn't work out.. not if. He also said he'll say I told you so. I'm just so confused because I really feel like I love him, but on the other hand he's still doesn't know if he wants to see other people or be with me. What do you guys think? Why can't we just either stay friends or be together?

It sounds like neither one of you is sure what you want right now. I would suggest that you take some time, step back, and evaluate your feelings. I would have an honest conversation with him. Tell him you were wondering how he felt about giving a relationship with you a try. Ask him how he feels about being more than friends with benefits. It sounds like you both like each other if you keep coming back again and again to each other. However, I would be careful. It sounds like you value each other's friendship. You don't want to mess that up by jumping into a relationship when you're not ready to. It can be hard to be just friends with someone you have had sex with. By having sex, you have an intimacy with him that you don't have with your other friends. If you do decide to remain friends and nothing else, then it's up to you if you want to have benefits or not. If you think you can both handle it, and it's what you both want, then go for it. But, if one or both of you doesn't think you can handle it, then you will have to make no sex a condition of hanging out together. The best thing to do when you aren't sure about a relationship is to wait a little while and see how you feel then. I think your best bet would be to sit down and have an honest conversation about your concerns, feelings, etc. Ask him what he wants out of your friendship/relationship. Then take some time and decide what you want. Do whatever you feel is right for both of you. Hope this helps!

Thank you so much peggyhill! I agree 100% with you. The only problem is when I try to talk to him about feelings, he's the type that's afraid of being vulnerable and exposing his true feelings. He sort of said we're basically cool and he's unsure. I don't blame him, because I wasn't exactly an angel. He did tell me he loved me but only once. I'm just scared of getting my feelings hurt. I don't think he's just in it for solely benefits because we don't always have the "benefits" part. Maybe he just wants to be friends, and doesn't want to mess it up. When I mention the other guy I might be interested in he tries to nonchalantly talk me out of it. I just wish he would be honest for once and tell me how he really feels. I don't really think I can continue on not knowing if he wants me or not. The more we hang out and do things together the stronger my feelings get for him. Now I have so many regrets. I should have tried the relationship thing with him when I had the chance... which may be why he's skeptical. He's always told me that he can't take me seriously... I mean I didn't break up with my ex for 2 years. I should also add that we're both dating and living the single life. He might not want to give that up.