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    nvrsaynvr's Avatar
    nvrsaynvr Posts: 15, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Apr 25, 2009, 05:49 AM
    My first serious relationship breaks up. Should I beg him back?
    Hi guys!

    My boyfriend broke up with me a couple of days ago after a two yr relationship. The night before he broke up with me I found out that he was texting another girl because some how he sent me the text that was suppose to be for her and when I read it I was like what!! And of course I called him to ask what was up with the text , and the first thing he said was "its nothing serious I was joking with her" and that I was taking everything the wrong way and that it was nothing like what was going through my head.. I was so so upset I hung up on him. The next day he asked me to come over to his place so that we could talk, so I came by, I told him that he had no business texting any other girl than me because thatís what we had agreed on when we first started the relationship, we both said that we were not going to talk to any other girl or guy because we were both really jealous people .so you would understand why I was upset, and also because I thought he was cheating on me! But according to him he had never cheated on me or even thought about doing it. And for some odd reason I believed him I donít know why but I had this feeling telling me that he was telling the truth, so after all the arguing I was like OK letís forget the text thing ever happen and just move on! But then he starts talking about how he has so much going on right now with his parents getting on to him about his career work and trying to finish school and that maybe him being by himself would be the best thing right now... he ended up breaking up with me and of course I told him that what ever his decision was I was going to respect it, that I could not force him to be with me if he didn't think it was the best thing to do at the moment. If you ask me I think I was a good girlfriend because I was always faithful and honest with him never pressured him about anything... well the weird thing about all this is that ever since we started dating I did not think we would be together for long something kept running through my head saying when we break up ,what am I going to do if we break up and blah blah and about a month before we broke up I kept telling myself you need to break up with him you need to break up theirs things you have to do for yourself like get in school . I knew that as long as I was with him I was never going to try to go back to school or do anything for myself, I donít know why!! Yea I know it sounds crazy... well now that we are not together I miss him so much and I hate that this ever happened because we never really had too many problems in our relationship and I really donít know why this happened... even dough he told me that I could always call him or text him if I ever needed anything or just wanted to talk, I feel so empty and I want him back I want us back!! What should I do?? Should I try to talk things out with him again to see if we can make it work out again or should I should I just leave it alone for a few weeks and see if he changes his mind and loves me enough to get back with me?? What should I do? I hate talking to any of my family or friends anout this...
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #2

    Apr 25, 2009, 06:18 AM

    Leaving him alone and doing what you should be doing for yourself, sounds like a great plan.

    That seems to be what he is doing. You do the same. The key is to leave him alone.
    chuff's Avatar
    chuff Posts: 3,397, Reputation: 1235
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    #3

    Apr 25, 2009, 01:12 PM

    My first serious relationship breaks up. Should I beg him back?
    I got this far and didn't read the rest. You are not a bum. You do not beg. If what you offered wasn't good enough, then walk away with your head held high. No one is worth begging for. If you have to resort to that then it's time to move forward to a person that would not make you beg to be with them.
    taoplr's Avatar
    taoplr Posts: 415, Reputation: 144
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    #4

    Apr 25, 2009, 01:29 PM

    Be grateful that it is over. You are just feeling empty because you are no longer involved with someone after two years in a relationship.

    Don't rush to fill the empty space! Use this time to become comfortable as a free agent, a stand-alone person who is a whole human being without a guy. Then, when the next relationship comes along, you will bring more depth, security,and self-respect to it. The more comfortable you are alone now, the better partner you will be when you choose to be with someone later.
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #5

    Apr 25, 2009, 01:31 PM
    Never ever beg. Move on.
    0rphan's Avatar
    0rphan Posts: 1,282, Reputation: 240
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    #6

    Apr 25, 2009, 01:54 PM

    You sound very young but very sensible.

    I think you have been a very understanding girlfriend, maybe a bit to understanding!!

    Having read your post I just get the feeling that he's not being totally straight with you... it's just a feeling

    I find it a little strange that having been caught texting another girl, he then breaks up with you, even though you say you sorted it all out... I just wonder if he was as innocent as he made out...

    I am so sorry that your feeling a little lost right now,hang in there it will pass.
    You're bound to feel this way after 2 years.

    If he really truly loves you, then he'll also be missing you and will eventually contact you, so wait for him to make his move, if he is going to, please do not run after him, it never works.

    In the mean time get on with your life achieve your goals and see what new horizons bring forth... you never know there could eventually be a new love in your life who will fill the gap that your previous boyfriend has left... but spread your wings a little first.
    nvrsaynvr's Avatar
    nvrsaynvr Posts: 15, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Apr 26, 2009, 04:19 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by 0rphan View Post
    You sound very young but very sensible.

    i think you have been a very understanding girlfriend, maybe a bit to understanding!!!

    Having read your post i just get the feeling that he's not being totally straight with you......it's just a feeling

    I find it a little strange that having been caught texting another girl, he then breaks up with you, even though you say you sorted it all out.....i just wonder if he was as innocent as he made out....

    I am so sorry that your feeling a little lost right now,hang in there it will pass.
    You're bound to feel this way after 2 years.

    If he really truly loves you, then he'll also be missing you and will eventually contact you, so wait for him to make his move, if he is going to, please do not run after him, it never works.

    In the mean time get on with your life achieve your goals and see what new horizons bring forth.....you never know there could eventually be a new love in your life who will fill the gap that your previous boyfriend has left......but spread your wings a little first.
    thanks so much for your answer it sounds about right. I should move on . But the worst part is still to come ! When I see him with another girl its going to be the worst moment and feeling ever I am sure :(... but I guess I should be strong right..
    Romefalls19's Avatar
    Romefalls19 Posts: 4,739, Reputation: 1130
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    #8

    Apr 26, 2009, 04:24 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by nvrsaynvr View Post
    thanks so much for your answer it sounds about right. i should move on . but the worst part is still to come ! when i see him with another girl its going to be the worst moment and feeling ever iam sure :(.... but i guess i should be strong right ..
    You might think it will be your worst moment, but it's not. I had to deal with my ex dating another guy in the work place. Everyday I had to see them together, but I surrounded myself with such positives aspects that it never bothered me. You could spend all day complaining about the things you've lost, but think of the things you have gained and been thankful for. You're alive, which means you can do whatever you want. A quote I lived by after my break up(and still do)

    "If this world doesn't take your hand, it will only knock you down. If you won't pick yourself up, maybe you don't belong on your feet"
    nvrsaynvr's Avatar
    nvrsaynvr Posts: 15, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Apr 28, 2009, 03:25 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Romefalls19 View Post
    You might think it will be your worst moment, but it's not. I had to deal with my ex dating another guy in the work place. Everyday I had to see them together, but I surrounded myself with such positives aspects that it never bothered me. You could spend all day complaining about the things you've lost, but think of the things you have gained and been thankful for. You're alive, which means you can do whatever you want. A quote I lived by after my break up(and still do)

    "If this world doesn't take your hand, it will only knock you down. If you won't pick yourself up, maybe you don't belong on your feet"
    Thanks a lot for your comment. Believe it or not its kind of getting better for me little by little . It still sucks but I am doing a little better than what I was the first couple of days.. I hope this is just a start of a good new fresh meeee!!
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #10

    Apr 28, 2009, 03:47 PM

    You will be strong and it will get better. Best of luck. It is a new start and new beginning.

    Joe
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
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    #11

    Apr 28, 2009, 04:21 PM

    Yes don't beg, and don't waste your money on those "how to get him back" ebooks.

    The relationship has run it course and he no longer wanted to be part of it.

    So gather yourself together and stay strong. Know that you're a strong woman and can survive without a man. A man never validate who you are and once you start making them your everything when they leave they would leave you with nothing.

    If you fill empty then it is time to fill that void but you don't need him to fill it. Lean on your friends for support do something that you always wanted to do. Go out and pamper yourself.

    Let him go and move on because life goes on with or without him. Start your healing process and if you have to cry then cry. Let the tears flow. Also, get rid of everything that reminds you of him.

    Stay strong because what don't kill you only makes you stronger. Xxx:-)
    nvrsaynvr's Avatar
    nvrsaynvr Posts: 15, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    May 24, 2009, 08:14 AM
    Just when I was getting him off my mind
    Threads merged


    Well it has being almost a month since my boyfriend and I broke up , and believe it or not I was doing pretty good not too bad . I started going out more hanging out with my friends and completely stopped texting him or having any type of connections with him, I just thought that was the best thing to do for myself. Little by little I would stop thinking about him as much as I use to at the beginning .but then the moment of truth came! I was at a club with a few of my friends and out of no where I see my EX walking in!! And omg I was like what in the world what is he doing here :( I was not too happy to see him... well but at the same time when I saw him I felt like going up to him and hugging him! But I told myself that's a NO NO! So I didn't .I know he saw me because he didn't stay for long and that made me kind of sad even dough I did not talk to him or said hi or anything . Well the whole point of me telling you guys this is because I am a little confused. When I saw him yes I missed him but I didn't feel love for him ! I am not sure if it might be because I never really was ever in love with him ? Was it just that I was so used to him and having him around me... or wait am I in denial?? I know I know I sound crazy right... any how I kind of feel like I am back at square one I can't get him off my mind again!! Damn it freaking sucks
    snow124's Avatar
    snow124 Posts: 116, Reputation: 28
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    #13

    May 24, 2009, 08:32 AM
    It doesn't mean you didn't love him, it means that you're progressing in healing. The fact that you were upset to see him and missed him does show that you cared about him.

    Good job refraining from hugging him or anything, though. It's tough running into an ex unexpectedly, so soon.
    Lonelyandbroken's Avatar
    Lonelyandbroken Posts: 118, Reputation: 15
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    #14

    May 24, 2009, 09:44 AM
    Yeah I've just recently had an episode like that. But it was my cousin who ran into my ex. And he was going to put himself in a position to run into her yesterday for sure. Problem is he doesn't have the tact to keep his mouth shut and not tell me about it. I just guess we do the best we can you know. And stay the NC course.
    artlady's Avatar
    artlady Posts: 4,208, Reputation: 1477
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    #15

    May 24, 2009, 09:59 AM

    It has only been a month so it is not unreasonable that you would still harbor some feelings for him.

    We are human,after all and can't just turn off our emotions like a faucet.
    Continue with the NC and congratulate yourself for showing restraint at the club.

    Maybe you felt something because you saw that he is moving on with his life and there might have been some jealousy there? Possibility?
    Don't over think it too much,it was just a relapse .
    Remember why you broke up and that should keep you on the NC track.
    f104's Avatar
    f104 Posts: 123, Reputation: 7
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    #16

    Jun 4, 2009, 08:45 PM

    Do not beg him back.
    That will be destructive for you and only lead to a worse relationship and a more devastating breakup further down the road. We cannot control people no matter how we might want to.

    Talk with friends and family. Talk as often as you need to. Share on this board as often as you need to. Begging him back may result in short term relief but in the long run the hurt will probably be worse.
    biversen's Avatar
    biversen Posts: 20, Reputation: 2
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    #17

    Jun 4, 2009, 09:06 PM

    Even though it seems like he cares, the truth is he doesn't. Start Fresh and New. Get out there and enjoy life because would you really want to go back into a relationship that you are always wondering what he is doing behind your back. Nobody deserves that. Good luck
    nvrsaynvr's Avatar
    nvrsaynvr Posts: 15, Reputation: 1
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    #18

    Aug 6, 2009, 05:48 AM
    Happy birthday XXXX ?
    Threads merged


    OK guys I have a small question!. sooo my ex boy friends birthday is coming up in a few weeks and for some weird reason its being on my mind allot lately if I should text him happy birth day or even say anything at all to him about it! And just move on and act like that day is just a normal regular day to me :)... the part that sucks is that my birthday is a couple of weeks after his and if I text him happy be day and he don't do the same for me its going make me a little sad :( BOOOO... grrr I hate this
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,296, Reputation: 2030
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    #19

    Aug 6, 2009, 05:54 AM
    Long Answer: The fact that you need to ask this question means that you are indirectly asking for our approval. Which means that you have some unresolved issues. Therefore, it's not a good idea to text him. If you text him and he responds, you're going to end up over-analyzing his response. If he doesn't respond, then it's another sign that you will over-analyze.

    Until you have fully recovered from the breakup, it's better to avoid all contact so that you don't prolong the recovery process.

    Short Answer: NO
    kctiger's Avatar
    kctiger Posts: 3,653, Reputation: 1319
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    #20

    Aug 6, 2009, 06:54 AM

    My ex's b-day is next week. This will be the first in the last five years we haven't been together and I can guarantee you I will not be sending a text to her. She has others that will take care of that. It simply isn't my place anymore.

    As an ex of mine, ordinarily they lose all contact privileges, including a happy b-day wish. In reality it is nothing more than a regular day for you, so instead of contacting him and causing some weird emotions, go out and treat yourself.

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