Entire story merged

Personally, I'm a dumpee. It just drives me crazy that, of course, we seem to be the only ones here crying on this website. Is there anyone here who actually dumped their girlfriend and then after a period of no contact realized the grass wasn't any greener and tried to get back with them? It sucks feeling like us dumpees are sitting around here looking for help in cyberspace when are exes are out there probably having a grand old time. Is it true that the dumpers are usually fine for the first couple of months, living it up being free of the ball and chain and then later start to mourn the loss? Or do we just want to believe that for our own solace?

Hello.

IN the end the Dumpers are the losers in most cases. Sure they hurt and run, have some fun but that only can last a short time before the game is played out and the Dumper is alone and can only find other Dumpers to be with. When the Dumpee does get over being dumped they are stronger and smarter then before, they know what they want from life and now can go get it.

So Thank the Dumper for helping you become stronger and for helping you have a better life then they will in the long run. If you see that Dumper you can smile a big smile and think to yourself, It's You Loss sucker.

Dennis777

I know I won't make any friends with this post, but I've been the dumper in all but one case.

Honestly, when I decided it was time to break up with my girlfriends at the time, it came about in several different ways and for different reasons.

When I was younger, I just chose to ignore them and start shopping for their replacement. Usually it was because they had some issue or I found something unattractive about them and didn't have the desire to change it, nor should I have to, so call it incompatibility. I'd just make myself as emotionally distant as possible until they forced me to have the conversation, at which point my life became way easier. I made up my mind way earlier, and at that time had already stopped wanting/needing them, so it wasn't like my life got turned upside down.

As I got older I would make an attempt to communicate my problem with them, they almost never listened, or tried to convince me it was my fault that I had a problem with x y or z. At any rate, almost none of them were listening until after it was too late. Changing your tune after I've made up my mind is an exercise in futility.

Afterwards I could be civil with them, but I did totally resent them bringing up how much they'd changed and done x y and z to be a better person because mostly it was obvious to tell that it was just horse crap to try and get me back. People are hard wired to behave in certain ways, some of these things don't coincide with what I need for a relationship, and it's not their fault, but it's not really fixable either. Hope this helps, I got dumped too a few months back, so I know how it feels.

Why does the dumper want to remain friends? He would contact me twice a week for the first month after the breakup to see what was new, tell me what he was up to, blah blah blah. We talked like usual.. like old times. Finally, I just said listen, I can't be friends with you. Please don't contact me anymore to chit chat. Its been 2 weeks no contact and going strong. And I'm really starting to feel pretty good. I just wish he'd start to feel really awful and I wish I could be there to see it. : )

That's the problem. I never felt awful. I'd made up my mind and wasn't really fishing for a friendship, it just seemed like such a waste to throw away all that time for nothing. I do however realize that the other party needs time to get their head straightened out.

My advice to you is to stop worrying about doing things to make him feel bad and start doing what's going to make you feel better.

Ouch, forever zero... you never felt awful... See that's why I wish I was a guy sometimes, so I could just flick of my emotions like that. : ) You know what else I don't understand about you guys, don't tell me a week after we break up that you love me... but still want to be broken up. Aaghhh!

I've been both the dumpee and the dumper. The times when I was the dumper it was usually because I didn't like the way I was being treated or I just didn't have enough feelings for the person to waste my time or theirs. With the exception of twice I have never regretted my decision to dump someone. Even those that I regretted was short lived because I knew the things that made me dump them would not change. As with being the dumpee, yes it hurts but I don't want to be with someone who doesn't care enough to want to be with me, especially when there is so many other fish in the sea. I personally think there are more men who regret breaking up but I think it's usually more about the sex than the feeling of actually loving someone. That would be why other than my husband, I learned a long time ago if a guy brakes up with me it's over for good… unless he's willing to go back to first base for a long while till I decide what it is he really wants from me.

Suelle

OUCH, that hurts, saying that Guys can flick on and off their emotions. I bet if you checked there are as many Guys that have been Dumped hard by Ladies as there are Ladies by Guys.

I know your hurting but don't lump Guys all in one mold or you will be missing out on the real Men that do treat a Lady like a Lady.

Dennis777

Dennis777 - I just meant when guys are the dumpers they tend to just flick their emotions off suddenly (atleast outwardly) and can act like nothing ever happened. Believe I know when guys are the dumpee they can get emotional... it just seems when girls are the dumper they tend to be a little more wishy-washy in their decision whereas guys can dump someone and a week later appear totally fine.

And when I've dumped guys in the past, I've felt really bad about and mourned the loss for weeks even though it was my decision and I knew it was coming. This is the first time I've been dumped (fortunately... and I'm 29 so I guess it was about time). And he seems like immediately wants to be friends and I just can't imagine being able to turn my emotions off like that... although I guess I realize now, maybe his emotions must have turned off a long time ago. The funny thing is we had a fight about a month before we broke up and he was begging me to not break up and then a month later he broke up with me. No big fight or anything. I guess after 3 1/2 years, we just ran our course.

I think it depends on why they decided to dump someone and if they ever really loved them.

I feel your pain suelle. I was dumped about 7 weeks ago and my ex said at first he wanted to be friends. Now we've had 6 weeks of no contact and he hasn't even attempted to call me. I guess he didn't want to be friends as bad as he thought

He wanted to be friends in case it didn't work out with his girl from work

I agree kt I think my ex will realize that he made a mistake someday soon. And I know he loved me. We were together for 6 yrs.

I know it seems that way mckenzie. But my ex does have a good heart and I think he hasn't contacted me because he feels guilty for hurting me.

My ex has dumped me 5-6 times. On 3 of the breakups I suffered for 2 months plus then she came back. She did say she cried and was miserable without me for the length of the time she was gone.

Your best bet in any situation is just to just get over it and move on. If they want to come back, they'll come back but there's nothing you can do to make that happen... there's only things you can do to make that NOT happen. The best revenge is living well! Its been almost 2 months since my break-up of a 3 year relationship and I'm actually starting to feel really good... like my old happy self. Holding onto false hope will only delay the healing process.

Hi - I just need someone to talk me down. I'm wanting to call my ex. Its been almost 2 months since we broke up and 2 weeks since we last talked. He came over 2 weeks ago to pick up his stuff and I told him to please stop calling me because I didn't want to be "friends". Its been 2 weeks now and I was actually starting to feel really good. Now, its like all of a sudden I want to call him to tell him how good I'm doing (which I know means I'm not really doing that good). Aaaghh! I just need someone to tell me I'm doing the right thing by not talking to him and by telling him not to call me. We were together for 3 1/2 years and lived together for 2 of those, so this has just been the longest time we've ever gone without talking and its starting to hit me.

Please don't call. I called my ex 2 months after she dumped me. I went rite back to square one. After I called I felt worse.

Hello,

So, does he still try to contact you? What happened to cause a break? Was it mutual, good terms or bad terms?

If this guy needed space then you need to give it to him. Obviously you care about him still because you want to talk to him. But to call him to say you're doing good is borderline gloating when you don't know if you really are good yet.

Best bet IS to leave him alone, don't check up on him, don't worry if this guy is seeing anyone else. Go do your own thing for a while and make yourself happy, even if you have to date other people.

There was a break up for a reason, you have no reason to talk to him, and even if he contacts you, ignore him to keep him guessing.

Kevin