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    Showme_urmove's Avatar
    Showme_urmove Posts: 319, Reputation: 101
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    #1

    Mar 10, 2010, 02:17 PM
    I fell in love with this girl that treated me bad. Now she's gone I want her back.
    Hey just recently my girl friend just broke up with me.. she was my first love , never in my life I've felt this kind of pain. But few days after the break up she had text me saying I miss you or she says can you call me. Then when I ask her what she wants she says, she wants to take it slow. I don't know what to do,I want her then I don't. When I don't talk to her I fell OK, but once I talk to her I start feeling the pain over and over again. What should I do?
    Lucky098's Avatar
    Lucky098 Posts: 2,594, Reputation: 543
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    #2

    Mar 10, 2010, 02:31 PM

    Maybe you shouldn't talk to her for awhile until this huge blow to your heart heals.

    She can't hardly expect you to be OK with her after she dumped you. If she does want to take it slow.. If she does want to start over, then I think she can wait until your ready. If she doesn't want to wait.. then screw her :) She's just messing with your head.
    kp2171's Avatar
    kp2171 Posts: 5,318, Reputation: 1612
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    #3

    Mar 10, 2010, 02:47 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Showme_urmove View Post
    when i dont talk to her i fell ok, but once i talk to her i start feeling the pain over and over again. what should i do?
    Take this and memorize it. Talking to your ex makes you hurt.

    It will still apply when you have lost your 3rd or 4th Big Love. The rules don't change... you just, hopefully, get better at seeing the signs and doing what is good for you, which isn't always what you want short term.

    So... she broke up with you. Why? Any time a couple thinks about getting back together they'd better have this one covered... what was wrong and off track before, and how is that still not wrong and off track.

    And missing somebody is not a good enough reason to get back together.

    Often what happens when two people break up and then quickly reunite, they get back together because they don't like hurting, not because it's a good idea. The same old issues eventually come back up. Maybe a few new ones too. Usually one person is more in control (she is here) and that person will probably be the one to end it again.

    When one person says "lets see each other but take it slow"... sometimes what happens here is that person uses the other for comfort and attention while they are still healing... and then when the time is right, they'll cut the line again.

    You don't want to get back together with her to help her get over you or to keep her preoccupied until she finds something better, right?

    You've had your first big love, first big love lost, first big heartache.

    It sucks. It happens. To all of us. We have all been where you are.

    You have to live your own life and own your own choices... but id say the chances of you getting back together and it being different long term are slim... and the chances of you hurting while keeping in contact with your ex is high.
    chickie543's Avatar
    chickie543 Posts: 74, Reputation: 25
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    #4

    Mar 10, 2010, 02:57 PM

    She probably just feels guilty for breaking up and hurting you. So she tells you, she wants to take thing slow. I suggest do no contact. You said, talking to her hurts you. If you continue with this 'slow relationship' the whole time you will be hurting and wishing it wasn't like that. Which will probably end up with her breaking up and hurting you again. Get out of this now, yes it will hurt. But you aren't alone, they're a lot of stickies at the top of this forum, read them, they are really helpful.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,314, Reputation: 10854
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    #5

    Mar 10, 2010, 08:34 PM

    Talaniman Rule-When they ask for a break, give it to them and do your own thing.

    Talaniman Rule- When you break up, have the courtesy to revoke their relationship privileges.

    Talaniman Rule- Never let them break your heart TWICE! Didn't it hurt enough the first time?

    Talaniman rules- When you get dumped, why go back, and get dumped again.

    Talaniman Rule- When they need space, give it to them, and disappear from their lives. This allows you to heal.

    Talaniman Rule- Never allow an ex to make rules for what you do.

    Talaniman Rule- Never wait when you get dumped. Get your own life and let them get theirs.

    Talaniman Rule-Never follow your heart when its so broken, it makes the brain feel like mush
    Questions??
    Enigma1999's Avatar
    Enigma1999 Posts: 2,223, Reputation: 1077
    Welbeing Expert
     
    #6

    Mar 10, 2010, 08:47 PM

    Hello Showme,

    I'm a little confused, I read the title of your post, and it says, "I fell in love with this girl that treated me bad. Now she's gone and I want her back" Ummm, why? Why would you want to have this person back if they treated you bad?

    Please answer me that...
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #7

    Mar 10, 2010, 11:16 PM
    You should go no contact and save yourself the pain and the confusion.

    Why hang around waiting for her to break your heart a second time?

    Move on,and start healing.
    Showme_urmove's Avatar
    Showme_urmove Posts: 319, Reputation: 101
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    #8

    Mar 10, 2010, 11:21 PM

    Same here I am also confused. I have many friends saying that I should not be with her and all she does is hold me back from my business. I guess the reason I want to get back is, companionship we had been living together for almost a year. During this time we've been together everyday and never been apart. I thought it was love of never ending. For some reason I know that she treated me badly but all I can think about is the good times we had shared, nothing with the bad. Everyday my heart longs for her and nothing seems to matter. I know I was treated badly but I fell like I rather be treated this way having her then going through this pain I am feeling. I tried going out with my friends to see if I can find other girls, but my heart doesn't want anyone else but her. We broke up march 6 2010 on our 11 months anniversary, and the following day was my 23rd birthday and the day after was hers.. all I could think about was the plan she made for us. She's the only girl that made me feel this way. I've never knew that a pain like this can ever exists. All I can think about is the what ifs. Everyday I cry and feel so hopeless and ask myself what I've done wrong. There was this one time when my friend and I when't to get some shampoo, right when we got to there tears started coming out from my eyes, and I just remembered that she can just stay there can smell all the shampoo in the store. Little memories like that just breaks my heart cause I know that she is no longer mine. We had made many memories together and now I can't share it with her. Am I just so stupid to see the problem or am I the problem.
    coruzzi2's Avatar
    coruzzi2 Posts: 86, Reputation: 7
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    #9

    Mar 10, 2010, 11:33 PM

    Do what best suites you.

    If you feel fine not talking to her, than don't..
    And while your benefiting yourself with that, shell be tortured by the fact your ignoring her.

    You don't necessarily have to ignore her though. Just do exactly what she wants.. "take it slow" say hey whatsup here and there.. but when it comes to haning out or talking to long say your busy.

    And down the road things will fall in to place the way they're meant to. Just trust fate :)
    Showme_urmove's Avatar
    Showme_urmove Posts: 319, Reputation: 101
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    #10

    Mar 10, 2010, 11:37 PM

    Chickie I tried looking at the forum you told me to read I can't seem to find them. You said "They're a lot of stickies at the top of this forum" top of the page?
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #11

    Mar 10, 2010, 11:41 PM

    You're going through the pain that's normal after a breakup-it's part of the healing process.

    Have you read the stickies at the top of the relationship
    Page?
    There is lots of good advice there on how to handle breakups.
    Showme_urmove's Avatar
    Showme_urmove Posts: 319, Reputation: 101
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    #12

    Mar 10, 2010, 11:46 PM

    I tried doing that but when she text me and I don't text back she says. What's the point of me chasing after you if your not even going to chase after me, good bye forever. When she says that I feel so confused, I don't know if she is just playing with my mind of emotion
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #13

    Mar 10, 2010, 11:57 PM

    I wouldn't buy into her mindgames.
    Time to bite the bullet and stick to no contact.
    coruzzi2's Avatar
    coruzzi2 Posts: 86, Reputation: 7
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    #14

    Mar 10, 2010, 11:57 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Showme_urmove View Post
    I tryed doing that but when she txt me and i dont txt back she says. whats the point of me chasing after you if your not even going to chase after me, good bye forever. when she says that i feel so confused, i dont know if she is just playing with my mind of emotion



    She says that because she wants you to fight for her. Just for the thrill. She wants to see you at her knees, miserable, begging, chasing her.. and that text was her way of hitching the bate on the fishing pole to lure you in..
    It can't be more obvious. Let her silly little game backfire on her, don't fall for it. Girls loveeee to be chased. And if you don't, it'll eat her away.
    Showme_urmove's Avatar
    Showme_urmove Posts: 319, Reputation: 101
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    #15

    Mar 11, 2010, 12:05 AM

    So once I do the no contact and if she does text me the sh*** again what should I say to her
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #16

    Mar 11, 2010, 12:11 AM

    You say nothing-you just don't reply-that's what no contact means.
    kp2171's Avatar
    kp2171 Posts: 5,318, Reputation: 1612
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    #17

    Mar 11, 2010, 01:02 AM
    Look... you don't like hurting and that's fine. You need to believe you get through this kind of crap... damn near everybody else does... and sometimes people think their situation is unique or different. Nope. It hurts like mad and its really distracting.

    It really, really sounds like she's just texting you because she wants to know you still want her. Who doesn't wish their ex was thinking "boy... i really miss her/him"... who doesn't hope their ex thinks they got the short end of the deal...

    But when she says "why should i chase you"... it basically means its too much work for her to do what you need her to do...

    When she throws out "good bye forever"... she's trying to guilt, hurt, and manipulate you into giving her the attention she wants.

    Again... we all get how hard it is to get over a first big love. Been there done that. Don't expect to stop hurting right now. Don't even expect to want to chase someone else.

    Give yourself permission to hurt and feel like crap. No fun, but its OK. Don't you think it should hurt some if it meant anything?

    And it'll just keep getting drawn out as long as you text or keep in contact.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,314, Reputation: 10854
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    #18

    Mar 11, 2010, 07:33 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Showme_urmove View Post
    so once i do the no contact and if she does txt me the sh*** again what should i say to her
    You ignore her, and disappear from her life, and get your own.
    Showme_urmove's Avatar
    Showme_urmove Posts: 319, Reputation: 101
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    #19

    Mar 11, 2010, 11:37 AM

    Thank you all for the advice that was given it made a lot of difference. Now I am ready to do no contact. But I need you guys help for me to get through this. Every minute I think of her so I guess the question is how can I get her out of my head. I really do want to move on and have my life back. But I keep thinking if we get back together maybe it will be better. Thank you for all your help
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #20

    Mar 11, 2010, 11:48 AM

    You keep yourself super busy.
    Physical activities,see friends,hide your phone and stay off Facebook etc.

    You can do this,most of us here have done it and it works.

    Good luck.

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