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New Member
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Oct 27, 2009, 07:01 AM
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Feeling really low and lost
I didn't really know which section to put this post in, so I put it this one. I don't really have a question I just need someone to talk to.
At the beginning of this year, I got into a relationship with my best friend, I had known him for two years, and we both liked each other and we decided to take it further. The first few months were really good and we were both happy, but things began to fall apart. I am at university and he lives at home so didn't see each other much. 3months in he told me he suffered from post traumatic depression, as he lost his best friend suddenly in a car accident a few years ago. He said because of this, he was unable to travel to new places due to the stress, this meant he was unable to visit me at university, so we'd only see each other every other weekend when I was home. Unfortunately we broke up in May, but we stayed really close, and towards the end of June we were still sleeping together and acting like a couple even though we weren't officially. I went on holiday in July, and the night before I left, I was with him, and it was perfect and we were happy and we talked about getting back together and how we'd miss each other while I was gone. When I got back, eveything had changed, he suddenly started making excuses when I asked to meet up and I don't know why. Then after a month of not seeing each other we started arguing a lot because we missed each other. But he still refused to see me. I left for my second year at university in September, and I hate it here. I have no friends here and I don't get on with the people I live with, and I feel really lonely here. I go home every weekend because I'm so unhappy, and every time I go bck I ask him to meet up but now he then started saying he never wanted us to get back together again, and he wouldn't see me until I was over him. I tried telling him that I was unhappy and lonely at uni and wanted to see my best friend but he still refused. Its got to the point where we just argue everday, and last week he told me that I never wanted to meet up so much when we were actually together and that I never bothered texting him when we were in a relationship =( And on Saturday he told me he doesn't love me anymore and that I treat him like trash. I told him that I needed time to get over him, and he said he didn't want it to be like this. I got back to uni yeasterday morning after being home for the weekend, and I cried myself to sleep last night and then have been crying for most of today. I text him because I felt alone and I thought he would understand. I said that I was struggling and that I was feeling really low and lonely, and that I was thinking of maybe dropping out of uni, and he replied saying that I should try having post traumatic depression and see how I was then =(
Its really bad, and I don't know what to do. He's really hurting me, but it hurts not talking to him and not having him there. And I don't know what to do because I'm so low and I just want my best friend to make it better, so I know I'm not alone anymore :'(
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Uber Member
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Oct 27, 2009, 07:08 AM
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If he says he doesn't love you and doesn't want to see you he's not exactly your best friend,is he? That's painful but you need to come to terms with it.
His feelings have changed and you're going to have to accept that.
Try to figure out how you can make new friends and get your life back on track without him.
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New Member
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Oct 29, 2009, 02:09 AM
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Have you thought about getting involved in university clubs and activities? They are an ideal way of making new friends plus there are counsellors on campus that you can talk to. Please don't let this ruin your future. There will be a whole world of opportunity out there once you get through this-just don't let those feelings fester away. Get out there and you will find plenty of people want to be your friend-if you let them.
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Ultra Member
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Oct 29, 2009, 05:58 AM
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**Wake up call (and Harshness Warning):
You are in university, you are growing, developing and maturing as an individual. There is absolutely no reason you should be crying yourself to sleep or not enjoying your life right now. Learn this now: Cut all of the negative BS out of your life immediately, including friends, family or any other things that may bring you down. Life is entirely too short to cry over negative people. You have a lot right in front of your eyes so take advantage of it.
You are young, have a bright future and you need to wake up and realize that. Get involved and immerse yourself into campus life, gain friends, learn new activities and better yourself by surrounding yourself with positive people and events. Time to get out and take some action and not expect this so called "friend" to guide you in your journey to being an independent woman.
As for him, if he suffers from that tell him to go see a psychologist or something. He needs to quit using his tragedy as some excuse to bring others down. There are other people who have lost a lot more than he has and instead of using it as a crutch, they use it as motivation to not only help themselves, but help others.
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Expert
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Oct 29, 2009, 12:34 PM
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When your done crying, get your act together, and deal with the opportunities you have for a bright secure future, without him.
He has his own issues to deal with and can't give you the help and support you want him to. So its just you. Accept it, or drown in your own S(HI)t. Build a life that you enjoy without him, as he is not healthy enough to be a friend, and neither are you. Get new ones.
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Ultra Member
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Oct 30, 2009, 12:57 AM
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Please don't keep banging your head against a brick wall. He hasn't been providing you with the closeness you desire for ages, so why would you keep going back to him like a sick puppy?
He's made it really clear how he feels - and although that's hard, you need to hear what he's saying or you'll make yourself sick. You are the one that is hurting yourself by going back to him.
Get yourself a couple of boxes of tissues, hire some sad movies and cry your eyes out. Really go for it. Once you've done that make a decision not to speak to him again. Why would you? He's not good for your health.
Do something good for your health - go to the gym, join a team, join some clubs. There are heaps of things to do at univ. Start connecting with other people and tell them you feel a bit low and lost. Let other people provide you with comfort and support. He won't.
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