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    SpyBorg82's Avatar
    SpyBorg82 Posts: 40, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Nov 19, 2008, 08:03 AM
    Feeling as if I am behind.
    Hey All,

    Ok... I have a couple other threads on here regarding my breakup which was basically finalized in August of this year. It has been two months since she last contacted me. SInce the breakup, I have maintained a strict rule of no contact. Any contact that was made was started by her. Anyway, last night I decided to send her a text message asking how she was doing. She had responded back later on that night telling me she has been real busy, and thinking about going to law school as one of her long term goals. She also just recently bought her own condo.

    Now my issue is not that I really want her back, but I am kind of jealous of her in a couple of ways. She is a teacher who owns her own condo, and now she seems to be doing all of these great things. As for me, I am still completing my masters degree, but still live with my mother and two brothers. I know I have a lot going for me, but just feel as if I am behind, and kind of feel as if I am a loser at times.
    cricket_10's Avatar
    cricket_10 Posts: 26, Reputation: 2
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    #2

    Nov 19, 2008, 08:13 AM

    it is okay for you to feel that way but what you need to reminding yourself that you are doing GREAT! Concentrate on finishing up your masters and all things will come together for you if not BETTER. ^_^
    kctiger's Avatar
    kctiger Posts: 3,653, Reputation: 1319
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    #3

    Nov 19, 2008, 08:14 AM

    You have nothing to feel bad about. Do not compare yourself to others, especially your ex, and let that get you distracted in your own life. You are getting a master's degree, which is awesome! You just need to focus on your own life and what the future holds for you. What she does is of no concern and doesn't matter. Just know that you can do anything YOU set your mind to. The fact that someone else is already or has already achieved their goals doesn't and shouldn't have an impact on your mindset whatsoever.
    iluvedward's Avatar
    iluvedward Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Nov 19, 2008, 08:17 AM

    I completely understand how hard it must be, but remember time heals. Try and concentrate on your masters because that's very important, once that's done I am pretty sure your life will start making sense again :)
    You have nothing to be jealous of.
    SpyBorg82's Avatar
    SpyBorg82 Posts: 40, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Nov 19, 2008, 08:20 AM

    This is all very true, and very good advice. However, it is easier said than done. How do I stop the comparing?
    kctiger's Avatar
    kctiger Posts: 3,653, Reputation: 1319
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    #6

    Nov 19, 2008, 08:22 AM

    It is hard man. I know how it feels. To be honest, I still do this. My whole goal is to be as successful and happy as possible, just so my ex feels like she made a mistake. I know that is a stupid and immature way to look at it, but I am extremely competitive and can't help it. However, I also know to just strictly not talk to her, thus I don't know what she is doing in her life (no matter how much I do care unfortunately).
    iluvedward's Avatar
    iluvedward Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Nov 19, 2008, 08:23 AM

    You look at what you have that she hasn't.
    SpyBorg82's Avatar
    SpyBorg82 Posts: 40, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Nov 19, 2008, 08:25 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by kctiger View Post
    It is hard man. I know how it feels. To be honest, I still do this. My whole goal is to be as successful and happy as possible, just so my ex feels like she made a mistake. I know that is a stupid and immature way to look at it, but I am extremely competative and can't help it. However, I also know to just strictly not talk to her, thus I don't know what she is doing in her life (no matter how much I do care unfortunately).
    This is exactly how I feel. I feel very competitive... almost to the point where I feel as if I have to out do her. The flip side is that sometimes I get depressed, and do not want to do anything.
    iluvedward's Avatar
    iluvedward Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Nov 19, 2008, 08:26 AM

    Spyborg I just read your previous thread about your ex txting you. And I have to say I can realte to how she feels! I mean OK you broke but its pretty obvious that she is still very attached to you. I am still 100% sure why the two of you broke up in the 1st place?
    kctiger's Avatar
    kctiger Posts: 3,653, Reputation: 1319
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    #10

    Nov 19, 2008, 08:27 AM

    You just aren't over it yet. It has been nearly three months since I broke up (August 28th, I know it is bad that I remember the exact day), but I know I will get better. The longer I don't talk to her the more I don't know. You know what, I have the confidence to know that I am going to do good no matter what. Part of me is irritated that she is now dating a guy that has wealthy parents and can offer more than I can right now. But I will get mine, no doubt about that.
    SpyBorg82's Avatar
    SpyBorg82 Posts: 40, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Nov 19, 2008, 08:33 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by iluvedward View Post
    Spyborg I just read your previous thread about ur ex txting you. And I have to say I can realte to how she feels! I mean ok you broke but its pretty obvious that she is still very attached to you. I am still 100% sure why the two of you broke up in the 1st place?
    Ok... we broke it off in June, but were hanging out on and off throughout the summer. Then in August, she said that she could not do this anymore, and that it was over. Basically, we were having our fights about me not putting in my all, and me not ready for marriage. I told her that I agree, and that it was the best for both of us. She began to cry when I told her that. A few times for the next month after that, I would get a text message from her asking how I was doing. Keep in mind that I never reached out to her. She said it was over, so I stuck to that and never initiated contact. The last time I had heard from her was the end of September. The other night, I decided to send her a text asking how she was doing. I am sure she does still have feelings for me, but not sure if she is still attached to me at this point. Like I said, this post was not so much about trying to get her back. I am trying to get my mental state focused on my priorities in life, but feel as if I have to measure up to all the things she did... as crazy as that sounds.
    kctiger's Avatar
    kctiger Posts: 3,653, Reputation: 1319
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    #12

    Nov 19, 2008, 08:36 AM

    Measure up to yourself. As much as I still care for my ex, my own expectations of myself are what keep me going. I am not concerned about living up to her expecations or being good enough for her (don't think she will ever think I am good enough for her). I want to be good enough for myself... I just hope that happens before I am too old not to enjoy it.
    iluvedward's Avatar
    iluvedward Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
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    #13

    Nov 19, 2008, 08:46 AM

    Spyborg and Kctger its clear to see that your hearts are shuttered at the moment and obviously the whole expectation issue for you both is a struggle. If I were you I wouldn't even worry about what my ex thinks unless you planning to win her back by showing her that your good enough? But like both of you said you are more intrested in showing her what she is missing.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,321, Reputation: 10855
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    #14

    Nov 19, 2008, 08:48 AM

    Don't texting her, and let the feelings pass.

    Don't dwell on it, but get yourself busy with a plan, that allows you to stay busy, in your own behalf.
    iluvedward's Avatar
    iluvedward Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
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    #15

    Nov 19, 2008, 08:49 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by kctiger View Post
    I want to be good enough for myself...I just hope that happens before I am too old not to enjoy it.
    I think every single person in this world wants to be good enough. I am still waiting for me to feel good about myself, but the way the world is I don't think that's going to happen.
    SpyBorg82's Avatar
    SpyBorg82 Posts: 40, Reputation: 1
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    #16

    Nov 19, 2008, 09:24 AM

    I just hate how you never know when these feelings of emptiness go away.
    SpyBorg82's Avatar
    SpyBorg82 Posts: 40, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #17

    Nov 19, 2008, 09:36 AM
    I am curious to know if the two months of no contact made her curious about me as much as it made me curious about her.

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