She dumped me on our 3 year anniversary after living with each other for over 3 years. We've been best friends practically since we met. This last week and a half have been horrible, I've made all the mistakes. I begged once she first told me she was leaving, I even cried, like a little girl, and I never cry, literally, haha. And I texted her like crazy the next day. She said she wanted to be friends, and see where that would take us, and even friends with benefits. I had no idea anything was wrong, we had mutual friends we'd hang out with, I thought we were happy. And when she wanted to hang out with friends by herself, I completely understood. But she got a new girlfriend and everything changed, a single woman looking for men, and someone to find them with. She promises there are no other men in her life, I don't know if I believe her. I've read up on anything to get her back, but too stubborn to try it thinking her and my situation is different. But after her randomly coming back when she misses me, and ignoring the very few texts I have sent her because I'm trying to give her the space she wants, I'm done. And after I told her I'm leaving tomorrow cause I need my space to heal, she acted mad. I then left her alone in the room, and the whole reason she came home was cause she missed me, but she won't say that, and waited. When she came to say bye because she was leaving, I asked her why she was trying to hug and kiss me goodbye, I told her I see what she's doing, and I'm done, it's about my healing now, not me trying to make things better. She then told me to call her tomorrow, or the next day, or whenever, so we could see each other, I said nothing and went inside. Literally five minutes later, she's texting me lyrics to a sad song I told her represents how I feel. I didn't reply, 30 minutes later, I have another text saying "Babe, i love you, Mucho." And I'm not going to call her or text her, she's put me through so much pain, we've been through so much, honestly, more than most people, but that's a whole other story. I wish I would have realized this a week and a half ago, if they say it's done, no matter how you feel, the best thing to do is just leave them alone, and heal yourself. If they love you, they'll let you know. She told me she needed space, and as soon as I let her know that I'M DONE, she's acting completely different. But it's not even about that, it's about YOU. I hope anyone in my situation will read this and understand, that giving someone their space, and understanding that you need your space is really the best solution. There is no quick answer, bugging them and obsessing, really isn't the answer, healing and giving it time IS the quick answer. I'm still completely heart broken,but I know this is what I need, not her.

You have the right mindset,it's about you and your own healing now. Have you read the stickies at the top of the relationship page? There's lots of good advice there.
You'll get over this,it takes time and patience but you are on the right track.
Take care.

thisonedude - that was very well put. A relationship shouldn't be painful. We all need stable, not yo-yo relationships. You are right - it's time to move on.


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I don’t miss her, I miss who I thought she was

I think you handle the situation well. ~

You have a great perspective, and outlook, hats off to you guy.

Much Luck!

Sorry if this is long. But I really need some good advice, as much as I can get.

Ex girlfriend and I were together for 3 years, exactally, broke up on our 3 year anniversary, haha kind of funny. But anyway, we've both been through rough times in our lives, and faced them together, by tough times I mean not relationship wise, and I feel that's one reason why we were so close. I was controlling, a major , and a year into the relationship she left, but a month later we were back together. I did beg for a week or two, didn't work, realized it might be over, so I quit. I didn't do no contact, but I cared less and less and she then began texting and calling me, and she then came back for 2 years.

I was still controlling, about her hanging out with guys, what an idiot I was, but about a month or two before she left, I pretty much didn't care what she did. And I do and did realize I was kind of taking her for granted, and not showing her the attention I used to give, we were in a rut. Well, after making a new friend, a , honestly, she left. She was mad about the way I acted, but after a few days would come back, and act like we were still together. That's where it gets confusing. We acted the same up until a few days ago, when I found out she was seeing another dude, and I pretty much quit talking to her, although I still let her use my spare car. Now she's done with that dude, they never had sex or anything, but she doesn't like him after getting to know him, but still isn't acting like my girlfriend like she did for the first few weeks of the break up, it's been almost 3 weeks now. And she's been saying the whole time there is a chance we could get back together, and I'm not talking like 6 months. But I didn't talk to her for 3 days until today, and it didn't seem to phase her at all. And today is the day she said she's done with that dude, I don't know what to do or say, last break up I didn't stop talking to her completely, just wasn't always there, and that worked, but I don't know this time, what should I do? Thanks in advance people.

Oh, and we've lived together these 3 years, until now, and I'm 21 and she's 19, I know we're young, haha.

What you should do is work on your "control issues" before you think about trying to get back with her. Then maybe if you do, you won't keep going through this.

Yeah I know, those are gone. She was the only one I was ever like that with, that really wasn't me. It's one thing to say they're gone, but they really are. I think one plus of meeting someone new, is meeting the people they know, not just the ones of the same sex, but all of their friends. I forgot that because the girl right before her cheated on me, and I let that eat me up, but I see that was wrong.

"And she's been saying the whole time there is a chance we could get back together, and i'm not talking like 6 months."

Do not, I repeat, do not become somebody's back up plan. I read that as she is testing the waters elsewhere, and if she finds nothing better she will allow herself to settle for you. That's bull-honkey. The thing that I have learned the most out of my last break up is that the second you hear "oh I'm confused" or "yeah there maybe a chance..." you better run for the hills. You're going to save yourself a lot of heart ache. Find somebody that will actually be happy to be with you.

Yeah that's why I quit talking to her when I found out she had a dude, I feel like an idiot for talking to her today, cause she's realized I'm better than him, and yeah, I don't want to be a back up plan, I just keep thinking after a few days "well i'm not a back up plan" although I probably am turning into one.

You could always tell her the truth, her lease is up, and she better hit the bricks.

That's where the whole baggage thing comes in. Just for future's sake, always deal with the issues from past relationships before you begin new ones.