My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months, but we've spent a lot of that time apart living in different cities. For 7 months he was the most amazing guy. He told me he was a person who was bad at keeping in touch but yet he still found time to text me every day. When I had something important he always remembered. He was amazing and cute and funny and I finally thought I'd met a guy I could trust

But this last 4 weeks it went weird. He still talks about us and our future and being with me... but at the same time... he's been texting this other girl. I saw his phone and asked him about it, and he said she was just a friend. I asked again because it still felt weird, and he said that he knew she liked him... but he was just ignoring it, because he wanted her friendship. I asked if she knew about me and he said yes.

I let it go, and trusted him. That's what you have to do right? Trust? But we can't be together over christmas, as I'm from another country and need to go home. I picked up his phone on my last night with him, and the girl has texted things like "It would be much cosier to be sleeping with you"... which is so wrong...

But what makes it harder is I was away that weekend, and I text him and he never replied to me... but he did send her a message saying he would rather have spent dinner with her than with his work friends.

I got really upset and confronted him about it. I'm not a secretive person... and he said that it was OK... that I should be able to look at his phone.. that he's sorry he hurt me...

I tried to let that go, but today I sat a big exam... an exam that he has known about for 6months, I even told him the night before that I had it... and I haven't heard from him. Last time he was all about making sure he wished me good luck, wished me well...

I can't get my head around this. Maybe he is sorry he hurt me... but he still sent those messages... and now when he's not there for me on a HUGE life-changing day for me.. and I haven't heard from him since... I don't understand how to tell him that it's not OK.

I've talked to him 4 times now and our last conversations have all been me upset and him apologising... but his actions haven't changed at all... I feel lke I'm nagging to say anything... but honestly I think he's not into me anymore.

I don't know what to do. He broke up with his last gf's because they let him walk all over them.. and I won't... but I have no idea how to make him listen.

Threatening to leave seems almost immature, but it's the only thing I can think of.

Please help.

Oh I meant to say... I didn't sit the exam today,. I sat it three days ago.

You should talk to him about your doubts in a calm non-confrontational manner.
It seems his behaviour has changed but only he can tell you what ,if anything, is going on.

Walking away is not immature... its looking out for yourself..

I can assure you,if my one of my boyfriends friends text him and said she would rather be sleeping with him and he brushed it off... id go balastic... imagine the roles were reversed..

Long distance relationships are difficult enough without the hassel of wondering what's going on in your boyfriends head!

The boundries in this relationshuips seem to be vague... put him straight,if he can't deal with it,move on.

You may be heart broken for a while,but you won't have to worry about what he's doing or who's texting him..

The nice guy,is not always the right guy.

Send him one last text, "its over". Then disappear from his life, and his excuses for his neglect can fall on deaf ears.

That's all he deserves for his bad behavior. Sorry but he is not that into you is he?

I'd say you busted him, and he's easing out the back door, trying to disappear instead of stepping up, and splitting officially.

If you have to think twice about his loyalty and honesty, then that is once too many.

The list of red flags can go on and on just based on the facts that you gave us. But here are some extremely obvious ones:

1) You've repeatedly told him that you're uncomfortable with him communicating with this girl, yet he continues to do.

2) He ignores you while he has time to text her.

3) It beats me how you got a hold of his texts, but the fact that he doesn't even bother deleting them means that he doesn't even care if you found them or not.

4) He's doing so many things that would jepordize your relationship, so he's prepared to loose you anyway. He's just holding on for whatever reason.

5) The fact that you keep taking him back regardless of him breaking your trust means that he's not even that scared that you'll break up with him, so he can keep going.

6) I don't even know how you can keep trusting him.

7) etc. etc.

My hand is getting tired just listing the red flags.

Save yourself from more grief and make it a clean break.

Thank you all so much.
I identified best with Red Head's response, as it was a little softer but still strong, and it's what I've done. I think it's less to do with him being an and more to do with timing, and where he's at in his life.

He's since text me numerous times that he loves me and misses me, I am not so tough that those don't touch me, but I enjoy the sentiment and keep on going with my own life and goals. I'm not one to burn bridges, so hopefully one day the love I've got for him might come back to me.

Thank you all for taking the time to respond, it helped immensely.

Oh and I wish.
You're correct, I don't trust him anymore. I guess I was caught in wondering why he was holding on when I made it clear I was happy to move away and move on. He had a lot of easy outs and he hasn't taken them.

I saw his texts because he left his phone at home and his phone is one that shows the names he's got texts waiting from on the screen. I picked it up because it was ringing and saw the girls name and the number of waiting messages from her.

You of course were right about the red flags, but it never feels so easy when you're the one wishing that what you know and what you hope for don't match.

I wish you all the best and hope you reach the goals you set for yourself.
Peaceful holidays!