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sweets41 · Sep 8, 2013, 01:36 PM

My ex says he now sees he loves me and has a along. He broke up with me 3 years ago. Out of the blue for the past 6 months he has been calling me and texting me. He even took me on vacation with him to meet his family and left her at home. He lives with her but texts or calls me everyday. What should I do?

N0help4u · Sep 8, 2013, 01:44 PM

You tell him ''NO further contact until YOU break up with her'' unless of course you don't mind being the sloppy seconds booty call. Why should he leave her when he can have the milk and the cookies??

LadySam · Sep 8, 2013, 04:35 PM

Perhaps, because you went on vacation with him and left her at home he thinks he can have his cake and eat it to. Could it be that he is testing the waters? Don't fall for it.

talaniman · Sep 8, 2013, 04:49 PM

He is playing you both and who goes on vacation with someone that lives with someone else, ex, or not?

sweets41 · Sep 8, 2013, 05:10 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

He is playing you both and who goes on vacation with someone that lives with someone else, ex, or not??

I guess someone who actually loves him but is very concerned about if he is being real. He says he does not know where they will end up. She has never met his family. Im basically trying to figure should I let him go. No I don't want to be a side chick. But he text and calls me all the time and pays me more attention than he did the first time we dated.

Originally Posted by N0help4u

You tell him ''NO further contact until YOU break up with her'' unless of course you don't mind being the sloppy seconds booty call. Why should he leave her when he can have the milk and the cookies???

I have thought of that soooo many times. He is showing me all this attention and she has never met his family. That's why I am so perplexed by his behavior now. He treats me better now than he did when we dated before. I don't want to get hurt. He said that he would understand if I am uncomfortable which makes me suspicious. He swears he is not engaged but I am bothered because he lives with her leaving me in the blind. Even on our vacation the focus was not sex we truly enjoyed spending time together just like we did when we dated before.

Originally Posted by LadySam

Perhaps, because you went on vacation with him and left her at home he thinks he can have his cake and eat it to. Could it be that he is testing the waters? Don't fall for it.

I have thought of that. Like I said in my other posts she has never met his family which perplexes me and makes me wonder how he really feels about me vs her.

N0help4u · Sep 8, 2013, 05:22 PM

Maybe he feels that if he dumped her for you, the honeymoon would be over and you would be back to square one remembering why you broke up. Right now he is comfortable having both of you and you will NEVER know for sure if he is telling her that he wants her for the rest of his life. You can not be sure what their relationship is. He could have her in bed every night that he is not with you. You are better off uncomplicating things by bowing out. You can tell him look you up when he is officially out of the girlfriends life.

sweets41 · Sep 8, 2013, 05:36 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

maybe he feels that if he dumped her for you, the honeymoon would be over and you would be back to square one remembering why you broke up. Right now he is comfortable having both of you and you will NEVER know for sure if he is telling her that he wants her for the rest of his life. You can not be sure what their relationship is. He could have her in bed every night that he is not with you. You are better off uncomplicating things by bowing out. You can tell him look you up when he is officially out of the girlfriends life.

Thanks. You are so right.. for example today. . I guess she is there because he has not texted me a lot today like he normally does. Im not going to lie I feel some kind of way about that. And I have not texted him either. Im not going to chase him. You are right I don't know what he is telling her vs what he is telling me. I do believe I would be better off bowing out too. Yes I love him but I can't drive myself crazy wondering what they are doing or waiting for him to have time for me. He told me yesterday we may possibly see one another.. never happened he called me from work. I don't want to feel like that. I have other available men that are interested in me but I guess because our history that's why I was willing to go on vacation and talk to him. I was blindly hopeful but he's not said a word about leaving only that everything between them is not good all the time and he will see what happens

N0help4u · Sep 8, 2013, 05:48 PM

So you are simply plan B

sweets41 · Sep 8, 2013, 05:53 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

So you are simply plan B

I agree and I won't be. I love him but I won't be a plan B. That will make me resent him and the relationship. I am going to tell him that he needs to decide what he wants then come back when he has cleared the board. I should not have to take 2nd place.

Originally Posted by N0help4u

So you are simply plan B

I am not going to be a plan B. He is going to have to make a choice. I love him yes. . but the question is does he love me like he says he does... enough to let her go. Im going to tell him that because this is too stressful and its getting too deep. I have other options but like I said I love him.. but not enough to play with 2nd best.

Fr_Chuck · Sep 8, 2013, 06:45 PM

Remember there is a reason you broke up with him.
If he can go on vacation with you, living her at home, as soon as he is with you, he will be doing the same with you.

How could you even consider dating or being with someone, that can treat another women that way. This is just how he respects women and relationships, so you will be that other women soon

sweets41 · Sep 9, 2013, 10:22 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Remember there is a reason you broke up with him.
If he can go on vacation with you, living her at home, as soon as he is with you, he will be doing the same with you.

How could you even consider dating or being with someone, that can treat another women that way. This is just how he respects women and relationships, so you will be that other women soon

looking at it that way... I agree with you.

talaniman · Sep 9, 2013, 11:28 AM

You can love all you want but giving your love to a lying cheater makes no sense. You get what you got. AGAIN. The first time failed, so why rush head first into what likely will be a second failure worse than the first?

sweets41 · Sep 9, 2013, 03:19 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

You can love all you want but giving your love to a lying cheater makes no sense. You get what you got. AGAIN. The first time failed, so why rush head first into what likely will be a second failure worse than the first?

true. I have been thinking about that all day.. really. Wondering what the heck I was thinking.

Cat1864 · Sep 9, 2013, 04:07 PM

Originally Posted by sweets41

true. I have been thinking about that all day..really. wondering what the heck I was thinking.

I can guess that you were thinking about the good times and what if things had been different. You got caught up in the past.

It's time to let the past go and him with it.

sweets41 · Sep 9, 2013, 04:12 PM

Originally Posted by Cat1864

I can guess that you were thinking about the good times and what if things had been different. You got caught up in the past.

It's time to let the past go and him with it.

You are right. I was caught up in our good times from the past... not remembering what I actually didn't like about him. He is very charming. I need to see the big picture and not only what he is showing me.

banji_babee · Sep 9, 2013, 05:52 PM

Giiirlah. You better say HECK NO. He is playing the both of you