We went out for 3 years, and I broke it off couple years ago because I got sick and I figured I just couldn't handle the stress of maintaining a long distance relationship (she went away to do her masters). Of course, there are other issues too that lead to that outcome but I just didn't want her to feel miserable being with a stressful guy in me. So this was a mutual breakup between us both.

We haven't had contact in 2 years.

Two years later, now, in August, out of nowhere, she initiated contact with an email asking whether I can tell my family doctor name because she's in town and looking for one and thought mine was really nice (I took her to see her with me one time). I replied being the nice person and then we started to do some catch-up that lead to a few days of emailing. We stopped contact, but she'll email again a month later with something innocent like telling me her laptop that I bought for her two years ago had died. We eventually met up (under my request) for lunch like a "friends" thing and it was casual. One thing of note during our meeting was that I told her my mom was sick and that she was scheduled for surgery. She wanted to know which hospital my mom was staying so she can visit her. I told her I'll let her know when I find out the date.

A week later, after a couple email exchange, she broke out that she's getting married. She told me she had found a guy who actually want to marry her. She gives me the "I hope we can still be friends"... then ends of with "What do you think?". To be honest, I was shocked. But I gave a very terse response wishing her well and left it at that. I had not initiated contact her every since.


She sent a couple more emails later to ask about my mom's surgery date. I ignored the first, but replied the second telling her not to come anymore due to this uncomfortable situation. I did not initiate contact her again.

She just sent a get well card to my home to wish me and my family well.

Now, I don't know who this guy is, but I have no reason to believe she is making up a lie. I believe her. In my opinion, I think she probably dated this guy for about 1.5 years before being engaged. Now thinking back, I think when she initiated contact with me, she was already engaged.

Please give me your thoughts whether you think my ex-gf is being vindictive. I truly believe if she loved that someone and is going to get married, she should not contact her ex-bf(me) whatsoever. That is really disrespectful to the other guy.

I find it strange that she left it so long to tell you of her engagement,I would have thought it would come up in the 'how are you' conversation.

I don't think she was being vindictive,although its anyone's guess why she decided to make contact.

I agree that she is being disrespectfull to her fiancé,but now that is his business.

Continue to ignore any contact and don't get caught up in the 'lets be friends'...

Continue to move on with your life.

Why she finally contacted you is anybody's guess and redhed's right,why not mention being engaged early on in this renewed contact?
Disrespectful to her fiancé as she may have been,it's their business now and you should keep to no contact and let her get on with her life.

This isn't worth your thoughts, or mine either. But I think she could have gotten to the point with out all that friend BS!!

I believe she said she tried to tell me during our face to face but find it hard as she saw I was going through a difficult time with my mom. I don't know.

A friend told me she's of the opinion that she may have cold feet about her engagement and possibly looking to me for confirmation. Maybe she reflects on our previous relationship as something that's unresolved with regrets (by the way, she was my first love, and I am hers also) could this be? I'm thinking how do you marry a guy you met for about a year.

I have to admit. The news really hit me hard. I realized I still had feelings for her but her news/announcement seems like she want closure or not? Although I still don't understand and can't fathom why she would contact me if she's been recently been engaged. For example, I look at myself if I found someone I loved and being engaged, would I contact her to let her know I was getting married? What is the point? Unless I was trying to vindictive to let her know that I'm better off than you now. I get the feeling she's trying to make it tough on me with the news.

Do you think her finance would know that she recontacted me during their engagement. Like it's something she would tell him?

I know all of you would say forget about it and don't make any attempts to make this into a messy situation than it already is. I just find it hard to not know the truth. I would just had her prefer to tell me what's on her mind then, but I don't know what it would accomplish. It seems like she's the one with the issues right now.

Here's some truth.

Its over between the pair of you.

She's getting married.

As you said yourself, she's the one with issues...

Aren't you glad she's not with you now!


Let this go,talking to her and trying to get the whys out of her will just cause more confusion.

You're going to have to forget it as the truth-whatever that is in this case-will never be known.
What the two of you had is in the past,you have your own life to live now,as does she.

I was also wondering if you were in her situation, would you make an effort to try to visit your ex-gf's mom and think nothing of it?

I tend to agree why she wouldn't just tell me the news/announcement in the first email she ever sent. We must have exchanged over 40 emails, met once in person and finally something push her off the cliff to finally let me know. Maybe she got the feeling that I may try to rekindle old feelings again by my behaviour and she then feel the need to tell me it's over buddy. Hence, I felt she may have been a bit vindictive

You have already been down this road when the relationship broke down the first time,you don't need to start rehashing conversations again...

Let her do whatever she wants to do,you get back to doing your own thing.