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    44loo's Avatar
    44loo Posts: 35, Reputation: 4
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Jan 8, 2013, 11:54 AM
    At the end of my tether.
    Some might remember by earlier posts about my boyfriend and his sister. Things have got worse. My boyfriend has a history of drug abuse but this was years ago when we were first together. Any how I have now noticed his mobile phone has gone. I asked him about it and he said he had left it in a take away but that he would get it back. To be honest I didn't believe him but I just left it. Then the other night he said he had to lend his sister money I text her but got nothing back. I was a bit annoyed at this because in recent times we have done everything for her despite her rudeness.

    Tonight I noticed his watch is missing I asked him about it and I just got shouted at. He won't talk and is just acting moody and mysterious. He says its nothing to do with drugs but what am I supposed to think when he is acting the same as he did last time. I love him and we have been through so much but I don't know if I can take anymore. I am an emotional wreck and my mind is just over thinking everything. I become anxious and I am scared that if I stay I will become unwell.

    My boyfriend only wants to talk when football isn't on or if I threaten to leave. Does he love me or am I just being used? We could have a really nice life together but it can't just be me doing all the leg work. He says he has done everything for me like giving up drugs getting another job but I am not sure it's enough if he is lying again. I can't live like this forever but how can I make him see what he is doing to me?

    Emotional mess x
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,490, Reputation: 2853
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    #2

    Jan 8, 2013, 12:41 PM
    He's back into drugs and pawning off stuff for the money to buy them... you've seen the signs.

    Keep trying to reach his sister... one thing you can write off... two might even possibly be explained away... three iss too many to ignore whatever the excuse.

    You can't have a good life together until after he has met and beaten his inner demons... and thus far he really hasn't even acknowledged them.

    He's either into drugs.. or owes other people money for something... either way he's not being honest with you.

    YOu have two choices... walk away from it now with your sanity and dignity... or hang around until he drags you down too.
    44loo's Avatar
    44loo Posts: 35, Reputation: 4
    Junior Member
     
    #3

    Jan 8, 2013, 12:52 PM
    Thanks for the advice it seems so simple. I have asked him about the drugs and he denies it and says it's me being paranoid. To be honest I don't want to speak to his sister the last time anything like this happened his sister came to our house and told me well us what we should and shouldn't do. It was so condescending I nearly exploded. We live together and I am scared all our stuff will go but how do I even broach the subject without being shot down? It makes me feel as though I am being paranoid it's like living in a maze constantly looking for clues and signs its my own personal hell.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,490, Reputation: 2853
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    #4

    Jan 8, 2013, 01:00 PM
    Sounds like he's trying to intimidate you into leaving him do it...

    What was the timeframe of the three instances? If they were over long period.. they more likelly can be explained away than if they happened over a very short period.
    44loo's Avatar
    44loo Posts: 35, Reputation: 4
    Junior Member
     
    #5

    Jan 8, 2013, 01:06 PM
    Its all happened over the last week, he has got me all confused he is always saying how much he loves me one day but when I want to talk he doesn't care. I suggested maybe a break in our relationship but when I think about it I know if we had a break that would be it. I am not getting any younger and I want a family and to settle down. Sometimes it feels like he enjoys the drama and the support he gets when everyone rallys round him. Maybe I should try and talk to him again, what do you think?
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,490, Reputation: 2853
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    #6

    Jan 8, 2013, 01:10 PM
    In just a week... naw... seriously, I'm with you in thinking he's hiding something... sure... you should talk with him but be careful how you approach the subject... if you don't put him on th edefensive maybe he will come clean.

    You should never settle for Mr. Wrong just because of some imagined timeline... life with the wrong person is far worse than life alone.

    And I seriously doubt you would have a problem getting someone who doesn't have the baggage he's been dragging around.
    44loo's Avatar
    44loo Posts: 35, Reputation: 4
    Junior Member
     
    #7

    Jan 8, 2013, 01:13 PM
    Thank you for your help and advice keep an eye out for more posts as I am sure there are more to come :-(
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,490, Reputation: 2853
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    #8

    Jan 8, 2013, 02:03 PM
    Just try to approach it in a way that's not going to appear adversarial. If you get him on the defensive... he's likely to go out of his way to dodge the issue. Use your best judgement in how to approach and word it as you know his sensitivities.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #9

    Jan 8, 2013, 04:49 PM
    Get yourself under control and pay attention. Sometimes that's better than talking to someone that doesn't want to and have a plan in case you are right and he has got to go, or you do.

    The problem is as I reread your other posts is that he may well be scraping together money for her, and keeping it from you since he knows how you feel about his sister. Wonder if his sister is on drugs? Either way protect yourself from whatever is behind his behavior.

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