Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
    kokotia's Avatar
    kokotia Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jan 22, 2006, 09:16 PM
    End of a freindship over our granddaughter who is young
    My husband and I have been in her life since she was born five years ago, my son is this child's father but her mother has hooked up with someone new... the new boyfriend's family has rather taken over in our grandchilds life and I didn't mind that until we started being told we couldn't have her over to our house to spend nights with us-under the excuse that she hadn't been behaving so she couldn't go anywhere! Yet she is allowed to stay over at a girlfriends for a sleepover or leave the state for two weeks with the boyfriend's family (her mother didn't even go).So I asked her mother why we were being punished and couldn't be with her any more.. I got yelled at... told to leave the house.. pushed and sworn at.. told that no one likes me anyway the only reason anybody puts up with me is because of my husband-another complication is that we were friend's with her other set of grandparents and with her new family's parent as well and after what the boyfriend said to me yesterday.. I would say all friendships are over! We have been nothing but nice to all people involved.. (over and above most normal friendships and this is what we get back!) none of these people think at all about what they say and do around this child.. so as grandparents I know we have rights and I plan to check them out.. but I wonder if she would have to pay at home if she was to come over here! There is no cruelty involved but it seems to me her mind could become confused about the whole situation.. I want to do what is right for her! The situation is not fair to her at all.. right now I feel my hands are tied... any help? :confused: one other thing.. we were storing some belongings of the boyfriends families and due to this situation I now want them to come get there things... is that acceptable?
    CaptainForest's Avatar
    CaptainForest Posts: 3,645, Reputation: 393
    Ultra Member

    Jan 22, 2006, 09:55 PM
    Where is your son? Why not have him help you out?

    Their belondings... let them know they have to come pick up their stuff. I would recommend you send them a certified letter so they can't claim you never told them.

    If they don't pick up there things within X amount of time, then toss their stuff or give it to good will.

    And as to whether they would take it out on your granddaughter? I don't know. It is possible. But then, it also might not happen.
    momincali's Avatar
    momincali Posts: 641, Reputation: 242
    Senior Member

    Jan 22, 2006, 10:50 PM
    First, I'm sorry about your situation. It seems as though your son is not a very involved parent or this wouldn't be happening. I do believe you have rights as grandparents, legal rights, but you need to confirm that with a lawyer, the sooner the better, without letting anyone know of course. Be as nice as possible with these people, it will serve your grandaughter as well as give you a better chance of spending more time with her. Don't worry about confusing your grandaughter, the only confusion that may come her way is if you don't do all you can to be with her. Kid's know who love them, don't ever under-estimate them cause they're young. Fight for her if you must, she'll see that you care. Good Luck.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,248, Reputation: 10853

    Jan 23, 2006, 01:18 AM
    For what ever reason it looks like your grandchilds mother and boyfreind are trying to cut you from your grans' life,or at least limit your contact with her.Where is your son in all this and doesn't he have some type of visitation,if he did then no doubt you'd see more of her otherwise your in for some really bad times just trying to see her!Starting a big mess over their possesions will only add fuel to fire.I also suspect that cutting you from your granchilds life has more to do with feelings for your son than you actually and a reasonable sit-down chat could shed some light on this situation.A talk with a lawyer can't hurt.Hope I helped Good luck and please post back to let us know how this plays out!:cool:
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,928, Reputation: 674
    Ultra Member

    Jan 23, 2006, 06:43 AM
    Hi, kokotia,
    I am also a grandpa, with an 8 yr old grandson. He is the joy of me and my wife's life. I am so sorry to read about this.
    Normally, in most states, the grandparents don't have legal rights! As others suggested, talking with a lawyer is the only way to know what you can do, if anything, legally.
    There is nothing wrong in telling the people involved to come get their things you are storing for them. I agree with sending a certified letter, with return signature, telling them to come get them.
    This mess is really up to your Son to try to straighten out. Does the child live with your son? Or does she live with her mother? Sounds like she lives with the mother.
    Your son might consider going to court to get child custody, but will need a lawyer. As long as your granddaughter is living with her mother, there really isn't much you can do, in my opinion. But, please talk with a lawyer with experience in child custody or divorce cases. I do wish you the best of luck.
    kokotia's Avatar
    kokotia Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jan 23, 2006, 09:46 AM
    Thank you for your response to my dilemna-my son is involved in her life when the mother will let him be.. she uses the same excuse as with us.. that she's been misbehaving so can't go anywhere.. he is going to take legal steps, because this isn't right. We have the police involved in the personal belongings part of this and hopefully things will go as they said. Again.. Thank-you for your reply.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,248, Reputation: 10853

    Jan 23, 2006, 11:09 AM
    Try to be patient and let the courts grant him his visitation rights.Then you will legally be able to spend time with your gran.Especially if he goes for joint custody.As I suspected this was more about your son than you but make sure you support him through this as it sounds like this could be very nasty.As a grandparent I feel for what your going through.Stay strong and Good luck!:cool:
    notsuregurl13111's Avatar
    notsuregurl13111 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jan 24, 2006, 03:07 PM
    Here is what you need to do u need to get a history together of how long u have had her and once u have that u need to get a lawyer and get owener ship of her and the mother has no right to have her if she got left w/ u in the first place oh good luck and i hope u get her back!
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,304, Reputation: 7692

    Jan 24, 2006, 03:13 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by kokotia
    thank you for your response to my dilemna-my son is involved in her life when the mother will let him be..she uses the same excuse as with us ..that she's been misbehaving so can't go anywhere..he is going to take legal steps, because this isn't right. we have the police involved in the personal belongings part of this and hopefully things will go as they said. again..Thank-you for your reply.

    Your son needs to get specific days and times for visitation and they have to let him have the child. Period, or he takes them back to court for contempt.

    Some states allow grandparent visitation rights, many don't, even those that do, often do little to inforce them, But if you stay at the court often you can get some visitation at least in the states that allow it for grandparents.

    What you and your son needs is an attorney and either inforce the child custody agreement already in place or file for a modification of it with new visitation agreements.

    Wish this was not common but it is.
    kokotia's Avatar
    kokotia Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Feb 21, 2006, 09:30 AM
    Things have semi-worked out.. we have gotten to see our granddaughter a couple of times since this took place... They have just moved so will wait to see how long it is before we are contacted for our next visit! Thanks for your help!

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions


Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search

Check out some similar questions!

Young and worried [ 3 Answers ]

Hello I am a 20 year old woman and I have missed my period. I don't know why it is late. I haven't been sexually active for about three months and I came on my period last month but I went to the doctor after I got off my period last month and was given some medicating for a yeast infection. I...

Getting Married Young [ 117 Answers ]

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after I turn 18 to my fiancÚ who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When I tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can I do to reassure them that this is definitely the person I...

Married young [ 12 Answers ]

I am 17 about to be 18. I am going to college this fall, and I have totally fallen in love. This is it, and we both know for a fact. She is only 16 and will be 17 in January. We know for a fact we will be together forever. WE KNOW! So we were just wondering what people think about a couple getting...

What is it with young girls? [ 28 Answers ]

I know there are SOME girls out there that are mature and don't do this but for the most part it seems that most girls when they turn 19 or so go on this bad streak. They feel like partying hard, being rebellious and just being wild in general. So much to the point that they will throw away a...

Young dog having seizures [ 3 Answers ]

We just had our 6 month old beagle nutered Thrusday. Friday he had 2 seizures and today he's had 1. He growled at me today and later at my husband. Copper has been a really great dog, house trained easily, good with the kids. He a little high strung, but we get him lots of exercise and he's...

View more questions Search