I'll try to make it as short as possible. Please forgive me if it goes on too long.

Okay, we met about 15-16 years ago in college. There waas instant chemistry but we both in long-term realtionships. We remianed close friends. He even kept a photo of us on his mightstand throughout what would be his marriage. When he married we kind of went our separate ways. A few years later we reconnected and he was getting divorced. He seemed really romantically interested at this point but I wanted to give it time so we could reconnect as good friends. We would say I love you etc. but we didn't take it physical. Over those few years the chemistry grew and we became romantically involved. He travels a lot for work and so the time together is brief. Then he became distant. I found out that through the people he became involved with through work he developed a drug problem. He eventually got help and has been clean for quite a while now. The distance is still there. He asks me to attend important events. When we go to these events it seems like most of the evening is talking to folks there that are involved in his work and success. He remains physially attnetive and affectionate and always tells me he loves me. When I tell him I'd like to reconnect romatically (which it's been a while since I've said that) he seems so insecure and says things like you'd just wind up hating me and we'd never wind up lasting etc. However, I know he did date one woman pretty heavily during this time. He said that even though they were close he didn't see it going anywhere and for him it wasn't serious. He asked why he would be invint me to important events and saying I love you if he was with her or whatever. The question comes to this,

When we are together he doesn't have anything to say AT ALL, he acts skittish and nervous while still being affectionate and saying things like why can't I hold you everyday like this etc. Please keep in mind this is as far as our intimacy goes. He always makes sure that I feel he is paying attention to me but really doesn't talk much AT AL. it makes me feel weird. I feel if say this he'll just say I'm just paying attention to all these people I need to talk to about work or whatever. He notices little things like my keychain is new or something small like that. I don't know why he wants to do all these other things but doesn't want sex or to talk to me. Can anyone make any sense of this? BTW, when I can't make it to somehting, he says something like that's fine I'll see you when I see you and I'll be ahppy but if you can't come then whatever, it's not like I care" We usually only see one another at these event things now. He rarely wants to go anywhere if I say let's go to lunch or whatever.

It doesn't sound like much of a relationship.It appears as if he wants an escort more than anything else.

Maybe his distance is because of drug use.

If he is still in some sort of out patient rehab ,he would be encouraged to not get involved with anyone until he had at least one year of sobriety.

I'm just grabbing at straws here but it seems like you are asking for something he is either not willing or capable of giving.

It sounds like he does love you as a friend but I don't get any other vibe than that.

I think you need to sit down and express your concerns and tell him you would like an answer about your future ,one way or another.

I couldn't find how to edit my post so... He has been out of rehab way past long enough for the 1 year rule.

It sounds like he wants a friend instead of a relationship. Yes, I understand he is out of rehab for a year now,but, it seems to me, he doesn't want to get too close. This could be just him, he can't commit to anyone. What kind of family life has he shared, is his immediate family distant to him. If you just want to be a friend with him that is fine, but I think right now that is all he can offer to you. If you want more, I think you need to look elsewhere. At least lay the cards on the table, sounds like he is down on himself too.

Not exactly the great chemistry you started talking about, and clearly you think its more there, than what it is.

You need to step back, and look at this thru realistic eyes and see he doesn't want what you want, and doubt he ever will.

Naw, I think this is more you hoping, than him doing.