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    coltsss's Avatar
    coltsss Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Dec 21, 2009, 07:50 AM
    Does the no contact rule include Facebook
    Does the no contact rule include Facebook? My girl told me 9 days ago that she was under a lot of stress and pressure with school and family and that she "can't do this right now", meaning have a relationship. She said her head was messed up and she does not know what she wants. Yet, she told me that she still loved me. I asked her to tell me that she doesn't love me,(so I could just move on, then I would be completely out of her life) she said she would be lying if she said that and she doesn't want to lie to me, so she refused. She is in Nursing school and has not been satisfied with her grades, she blames that on me. She at first was very clingy to me, called me 3+ times a day, texted me a lot more then that every day! We met last Dec. at work. I did notice that once she began her schooling she became really moody and began complaining about being depressed. She began school in Sept. It's funny, I was never big on texting, chatting or talking on the phone all the time. She got me into all of that, she had me open a separate email account so we could chat at night, and she got me into texting and talking on the phone all the time. I seemed to be her emotional support for her problems. If she had a problem with her child(she has one child) she would tell me , her girlfriends, she would tell me, her mother, she would tell me. Even her schooling, she would talk to me about it. She always talked to me about everything that bothered her. For some reason around mid year, maybe in the summer, I began getting hooked on all this texting and chatting and calling. And it seemed like the tables turned so fast by the time I realised it, it may have been too late. Meaning, all her interaction with me started slowing down as far as texting and chatting and calling was concerned. I found myself calling her 3 times + a day, texting her all the time. Then I found myself sitting at the computor at night waiting for her to come on and chat, when she didn't show I would get upset. She would say, I had to study, I have an exam to study for, I fell asleep.These were the reasons she would give for not texting or chatting, and not calling would be, I had to stay late for class or I was sleeping. I did by her gifts all the time, jewellery, always brought her coffe in for her. IF Ithought she was having a tough day, I would write her love letters etc. This all went on for about 10 months. 2 months ago I left for 12 days for vacation, I called her every day, she seemed like she missed me. Every phone call I made she would say, I would say" I love you and miss you" she would say the same back. I guess I just assumed that when I got back and opened to check my emails, I would have an "i miss you" from her or something like that. Well, yes! I got upset like a big idiot and gave her an argument about it. That's when she tried to get away I think. She told me then that I never used to be this way, and she wanted to have some space. She said she was depressed and she couldn't believe I was giving her a hard time. Frankly, I didn't believe it myself afterwards. So, about 3 days later I called her and managed to get myself back in her good graces. But once again I screwed it up. She had an exam coming up in one week, she said to me, don't call me, I can't see you until next week. This is my final exam and I have to study for it. I agreed. Then what did I do, I called her 3 days into that week, just 2 days before her exam! I forget how the conversation went, but I could tell she was a little upset by the sound of her voice. I was kidding around and said something to the effect like" well, it's not like you are trying to get over me". Ok, she then said very seriously, "what if I told you I was". I think I was a little surprised and the statement caught me off gard. So, I just said" if I thought that you were trying that, I would leave you now, but since you have not told me that, im still here. The conversation ended with me telling her I would call her after her the day after her exam, and she agreed with , that sounds good. It all went down hill after that call, but im sure it began sooner, I just didn't see the red flags. I texted her that I had a gift for her and I wanted to hook up that night, she said she couldn't because she had to work all night. She does work 2 jobs. So, once again I got upset, gave her a hard time because she left out the fact that she was working that night and she didn't let me know. Sooooo, we are now at the present, when she hit me with the news of her not being able to do this right now. I asked if she thought it would be better if we were just friends until she is out of school. She said, "I'll think about it, call me Monday". I agreed, but over the weekend, I thought, I can't be friends, I love her too much to be friends! So, when I called her that morning, she didn't pick up, I gave it some time and texted her, she didn't text me back. So, very politley I left her a VM and said" You know I can't be friends, I love you too much to be friends." The fact that you have not returned my call tells me that you made your decision, so you need to know that depending on how much time you need, you are risking losing me for ever. Goodby. By the way, we no longer work at the company we worked together almost during the entire relationship.

    So,now I have been on "no contact for 9 days".Which it seems like what i've been reading on line, 9 days of no contact is nothing! The only thing is i have a facebook page and so does she. I have found myself going into her pics every day, and it's ripping me apart inside! I love this woman so much, and she knows it. She put her facebook on part private, so I can still see all her pics. It was driving me insane. I also still have the email/chat account which she has the password. Ok, so, I fig. besides not calling her etc(no contact rule) I just blocked her from my facebook, not because im a jerk, but because I needed to prevent myself from always looking at her pictures. And, I figured if she can go in and see my pics and look at what im doing etc, then that is not "no contact" right? So, am I doing the right thing by blocking? And what about the chat account?

    So, I am able to put her thru school financially, get her a house, her car. I can support her and she knows this. She tells me she loves me, she said she never stopped bu tyet she doesn't want to see me. I don't understand. It would have been better if she had just said, "get out of my life, I don't love you any more".

    The one thing that motivates me to keep this no contact rule in tact is we used to hang out at my house all the time. She can't afford the internet, it got shut off, so I told her " if you won't let me pay for it, then you can come over my house and use my computor. She said, "thats what they have a library for". I asked when will you come over again, she said, probably never, I said "never"! She said, probably not".

    Ok, I missed all the red flags, I had plenty of chances to back off, become a challage again and missed those chances. She has got my head spinning, I never used to be this way, I was always confident, never clingy or needy! Im still not sure what happened. Anyway, besides the no contact, my other question is, how can I prove to her that I'm not needy or clingy and I'm still this strong confident guy that she first met?

    Thanks
    Anonymous
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #2

    Dec 21, 2009, 08:42 AM
    No contact means no contact whatsoever so delete defriend and whatever else you need to do. As she has made it very clear where she stands-not wanting a relationship,you move forward with your own life as that is what you have to do.
    sully123's Avatar
    sully123 Posts: 567, Reputation: 148
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    #3

    Dec 21, 2009, 08:43 AM

    I honestly don't think she wants to put effort into the relationship. Your there and she knows that. Your not giving her space, and she is telling you honestly, she said that she is never coming over again. Sorry, but the writing is on the wall, she doesn't want the relationship. You could shower her with everything its not going to matter to her. She has chose to move on, and its without you. You can't prove anything to her, except for moving on with your own life and building new friends. Breakups suck, but it's a stepping stone we all learn from.
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,296, Reputation: 2030
    Family & People Expert
     
    #4

    Dec 21, 2009, 08:52 AM
    Don't go creating exceptions for yourself.

    Exceptions = False hope = Setting yourself up for disappointment

    Here are the threads concering no contact that might help you:

    https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nc-425290.html

    https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-351302.html

    https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #5

    Dec 21, 2009, 09:34 AM

    Does the no contact rule include Facebook?
    Absolutely, it includes all forms of contact including mental telepathy
    Romefalls19's Avatar
    Romefalls19 Posts: 4,739, Reputation: 1130
    Ultra Member
     
    #6

    Dec 21, 2009, 10:13 AM

    It includes everything that you would use to contact someone.

    When I went through my break up, I even had to kill some carrier pigeons.
    coltsss's Avatar
    coltsss Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #7

    Dec 21, 2009, 01:19 PM

    Man! That's all harsh but true I know. It's her loss, I mean she has nothing, I can support the both of us for sure. But she turned it down. Im now going to delete the email account and chat account! Thanks to all! It hurts, but I have to do it I know.
    pureorganic's Avatar
    pureorganic Posts: 46, Reputation: 8
    Junior Member
     
    #8

    Feb 13, 2010, 10:41 AM

    You man, seems like your a good guy and the chick is a joker. If she really loved you she would find time to see you if she cared... this bull crap excuse where she is busy 24/7 every second is crap... no contact man. I'm on day 28!!

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